WEBVTT -- English

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VIRGINIA WOOLF, V.O.: 
 Dearest,

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I feel certain I am going mad again

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So I am doing...

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...what seems to be...the best thing to do.

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JOYCE:
[Sound of door knocking]
Mom can you stop knocking?
I'm trying to film something.

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VIRGINIA WOOLF:
...I am launching a Kickstarter Campaign.

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JOYCE:
[Somber, ironic piano soundtrack]
Hi, my name is Joyce...

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...and in August of 2015

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I published a humor essay 
with McSweeney's Internet Tendency, called
 "My 28 Years of Heterosexuality Was Just a Phase"

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It is about repressed lesbianism and Scientology.

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[Silence ]

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[Somber, ironic piano soundtrack]
So, there's a lot to unpack there.

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I thought one healthy way to start
would be to turn this essay
into a humor video

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VIRGINIA WOOLF, V.O.:
A 7-9 minute parody mash-up...

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...of Scientology promotional videos...

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...and Oscar winning feature film, "The Hours".

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To explore and deconstruct the homophobia and sexual repression that are inextricably and fundamentally
built into the structure of Scientology's spiritual views.

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VIRGINIA WOOLF, V.O.:
It will star...
Virginia Woolf...

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...played by myself...
Virginia Woolf.

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JOYCE:
Backers will receive exciting gifts

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VIRGINIA WOOLF, V.O.:
It is my hope to do for Scientology...
what James Joyce has done for Catholicism

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[Mentioning Backer Rewards]
...The Scientology promotional postcards that I will gather 
myself, by hand, off of the sidewalks of Times Square...

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VIRGINA WOOLF, V.O.:
You cannot truly call yourself a major world religion...

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...until some literary giant writes about how much 
you fuck up any form of sexual identity.

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[Still listing Backer Rewards]
...signed copies of my softball cards...

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...from my 6 years playing softball growing up...

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VIRGINIA WOOLF, V.O.:
...signed by myself, Virginia Woolf.

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Funding will pay for things like...
locations, props, costumes, crew...

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VIRGINIA WOOLF, V.O.:
Everything is gone from me but the certainty 
of your support on Kickstarter.

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I don't think people on the internet
could have been happier than we have been.

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-Virginia