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Celebrate the Orcish High Holidays in sensual style with a 2018 beefcake calendar, available exclusively through this campaign.
Celebrate the Orcish High Holidays in sensual style with a 2018 beefcake calendar, available exclusively through this campaign.
435 backers pledged $18,144 to help bring this project to life.

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$18,144

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Forget firefighters and police officers. The Orcish warriors of the Blue Brook clan and their allies are here to bring sexy back! Not that they ever lost it. Join us for twelve months of steamy green excitement, lovingly captured by fine art beefcake photographer Jason Ganwich, with makeup by special effects guru Claire Brooksbank (body paint / prosthetics). 

Each month includes a full color pin-up photograph of one or more of your favorite orcs baring every naughty scar for your pleasure and titillation. Yes, this is really happening. 

Featuring the artisanal flexing of: 

GRELLNOCK (JEREMY SPRAY) – HIS ARMOR PROFICIENCY’S HEAVY, BUT HE PREFERS LEATHER
GRELLNOCK (JEREMY SPRAY) – HIS ARMOR PROFICIENCY’S HEAVY, BUT HE PREFERS LEATHER

 

YART (LUKE AMUNDSON) - THE SEXOMANCER! BE PREPARED TO FAIL YOUR WILL SAVE
YART (LUKE AMUNDSON) - THE SEXOMANCER! BE PREPARED TO FAIL YOUR WILL SAVE

 

MIAD (ANNA CLAUSEN WILLIAMS) – THE ROGUE BARD WHO BARRED ROUGE
MIAD (ANNA CLAUSEN WILLIAMS) – THE ROGUE BARD WHO BARRED ROUGE

 

RODERICK (NATHAN RICE) – WHEN WE ASKED IF HE WANTED IN, HE RESPONSE WAS A RESOUNDING “HELL, YES!”
RODERICK (NATHAN RICE) – WHEN WE ASKED IF HE WANTED IN, HE RESPONSE WAS A RESOUNDING “HELL, YES!”

And super stretch goals... 

  • STRONG LIKE BULL (SCOTT C. BROWN) – MORE LIKE HUNG LIKE BULL, AM I RIGHT? (I AM.) 
  • WHARRGARBL (MATT VANCIL) – EVEN CARROW COULDN’T KEEP HIS LIPS OFF HIM!

Additionally! Every month will include new, exciting information about your favorite Orcish clans! The calendar will be stuffed with tidbits about food, customs, and—most importantly—holidays. Fun for the whole family! (Not recommended for children.)

Speaking of families, we know how humies get squeamish seeing EVERYTHING—those puritan prudes—so we'll tastefully cover up all the naughty bits that human culture finds offensive. A great gift for your grandmother! (Not recommended for the elderly.)

$20 - THE CALENDAR

We're working with one of the best printers in North America to create gorgeous, collectible calendars. Each 8.5x11 page is printed in full color on 100# gloss white paper for a premium look and feel, then saddle stitched and heat-shrink wrapped with a chipboard insert for extra protection during shipping.

The calendar (before stretch goals) features 12 unique photographs involving various poses and concepts from our five cast members.

$50 - SIGNATURES

Matt Vancil and the orcs will tear off the shrink wrap and deface your formerly pristine calendar with their illegible scrawling.

$100 - YOUR BIRTHDAY

We'll print a birthday of your choice in the calendar! Choose any name you want as long as it's yours, not defamatory or otherwise terrible, and accurate. If you wish to list someone else's birthday and name we'll need to receive approval from that party.

$250 – NAME AN ORCISH HIGH HOLIDAY

Work with JourneyQuest creator Matt Vancil to create an official Orcish High Holiday that will be featured on the calendar! Is it a feast, an ongoing festival? The anniversary of a great battle? The founding of your clan? Carve your day into the face of history, so that none may forget your triumphs! Any holiday created as part of this campaign will become canon in JourneyQuest and the world of Fartherall, and will be featured in any (Gods help us) future versions of this calendar.

MATT VANCIL - JourneyQuest creator and Orcish language scholar, Matt never thought it would come to this. He’s here to ensure this calendar reflects the most up-to-date information about Orcish customs and holidays.

CLAIRE BROOKSBANK - A makeup effects, prosthetic, and beauty specialist, Claire and her team will glue faces, ears, and scars to our cast, then slather every inch of them with green paint for your enjoyment. She also makes orcs.

JASON GANWICH - Set photographer for Gamers 3 and JourneyQuest 2, Jason returns to the ZOE family to design and shoot the world's sexiest orcs in their sexiest poses. He is not expected to survive. Remember his bravery in the history books.

BEN DOBYNS - Project manager and ZOE producer, Ben is sacrificing his eyes and sanity for your benefit, making sure that this project is completed on time and reflects ZOE's commitment to quality cultural contributions. Hasn’t he suffered enough? 

Quig vas kermitad, aas kelizanad!

Let's get this out of the way right now: only humies think cows make good eating. It’s not a matter of tastiness. Where's the honor in hunting a cow? In killing a sad, domesticated land-whale that stands in its own poop and has never seen the wild places of the world? It’s an insult to your skills as a hunter; indeed, “cow-hunter” is one of the most blistering insults known to orcdom. A true orc eats meat that fought for its life.

In that vein, it is important to understand that “beefcake” is an entirely human term. Do NOT, under any circumstances, refer to an orc as a beefcake. You’d basically be calling them a “sugary fail-snack with no substance, honor, or bowel control.” Instead, if you must, refer to this as a karlizliomam (“meat statue”) or adath karlarn (“pillar of flesh”) calendar. Your un-razed village will thank you for it.

Or don’t. We don’t care. So long as you buy our tantalizing 2018 calendar—full of the hottest bloody orc action outside of pitched battle—you’re free to spark as many cultural misunderstandings as you please. Just do it away from us. 

This is an ultra-fast turnaround. We're shooting in early November, Jason is editing the photos, Ben is on layout, Matt is already drunk, and we're going to print in time to ship 2018 calendars straight to your door before the end of December.

SHIPPING

In order to get calendars to backers before 2018, we will be shipping everything directly from the United States, NOT by slower freight to our German depot. Customs forms will be marked with the retail cost of this item, as we cannot legally mark it as a gift or sample.

UNITED STATES

Shipping is $8. Your calendar will ship in a rigid USPS Priority Mail envelope.

EVERYWHERE ELSE

Shipping is $20. Yes, we know that this isn't ideal. Your calendar will ship in a rigid envelope via USPS First Class International. This was the best balance we could find between cost-effective and speed.

The world needs this calendar. It serves the causes of peace and justice, promotes cross-cultural understanding, and IS THAT AXE COVERED IN BLOOD? Yes, we're just writing up why this is important now. Your clan's honor will be satisfied. No, we promise, nobody will laugh at the Blue Brook clan ever again. Not after this. Now would you please let go of my esophagus? Thank you.

Also, any profits raised by this campaign will go straight into the JQ4 and JQ5 scripts and development, helping to make the next season(s) of JourneyQuest happen that much sooner.

Risks and challenges

The largest challenges that ZOE faces in fulfilling Kickstarter campaigns have traditionally been shipping and manufacturing multiple complicated rewards. By focusing on one physical product that will ship from one location, we can avoid those delays. The project is scheduled to shoot on November 2nd and 3rd in Tacoma, to edit over the following two weeks, then print and deliver in December. With a smaller team and a focused goal, this is a very different beast than a complicated feature film or webseries season.

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Support

  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $1 or more About $1.00

    TIP JAR

    Thank you for your support!

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  2. Select this reward

    Pledge $20 or more About $20

    THE CALENDAR

    Your own, exclusive print copy of the 2018 Orcish Beefcake calendar.

    What have you done? WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE?

    WA State backers sales tax included.

    Includes:
    • 2018 Calendar
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    304 backers
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  3. Select this reward

    Pledge $50 or more About $50

    SIGNED CALENDAR

    Your own, exclusive print copy of the 2018 Orcish Beefcake calendar, signed by JourneyQuest creator Matt Vancil—lest he never forget his shame—and the orcs.

    WA State backers sales tax included.

    Includes:
    • 2018 Calendar
    • Vancil & Orc Signatures
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    57 backers
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  4. Select this reward

    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    ADD YOUR BIRTHDAY

    Your birthday—under whatever name you choose—will be now an official part of the 2018 Orcish Calendar! (Names subject to approval for <cough> decency and accuracy.)

    Plus, receive your own, exclusive print copy of the 2018 Orcish Beefcake calendar, signed by JourneyQuest creator Matt Vancil and the orcs.

    WA State backers sales tax included.

    Includes:
    • 2018 Calendar
    • Vancil & Orc Signatures
    • Your Birthday in the Calendar
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    15 backers
    $
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  5. Select this reward

    Pledge $250 or more About $250

    CREATE A HOLIDAY

    Work with JourneyQuest creator Matt Vancil to create an official Orcish High Holiday that will be featured on the calendar! Is it a feast, an ongoing festival? The anniversary of a great battle? The founding of your clan? Carve your day into the face of history, so that none may forget your triumphs!

    Any holiday created as part of this campaign will become canon in JourneyQuest and the world of Fartherall, and will be featured in any (Gods help us) future versions of this calendar.

    Plus, your birthday is now an official part of the 2018 Orcish Calendar!

    Plus, receive your own, exclusive print copy of the 2018 Orcish Beefcake calendar, signed by JourneyQuest creator Matt Vancil and the orcs.

    WA State backers sales tax included.

    Includes:
    • 2018 Calendar
    • Vancil & Orc Signatures
    • Your Birthday in the Calendar
    • Your Holiday in the Calendar
    Less
    Estimated delivery
    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    12 backers
    $
    Kickstarter is not a store.

    It's a way to bring creative projects to life.

    Learn more about accountability.

Funding period

- (28 days)