Cards: The Attackening! is quite possibly the best card-based game on this or any other Earth. Who made it? No one you’d know. (Us. We made it.)
The plan is simple. Summon a cabal of universally renowned warriors known as The Attackeners and, utilizing their vast array of weapons, armor, and other cool things, seek to dominate friend and foe through the deadliest form of combat known to man: pictures on paper rectangles.
Created with ease-of-learning and FunTimes in mind, Cards: The Attackening! is a brilliantly addicting* game sure to make you say, “Damn, son, this is better than [third-party game name redacted]!”
The base game comes with 108 cards, specially-made Attackening Dice**, and suggestions for multiple game modes. If we hit our stretch goals, we’ll start pushing well beyond the original 108 cards!
Where are we now?
That’s a great question! We can see you’re a shrewd investor, like a cat who can’t help but squint at everything. So far things are going well. We’ve finalized the base set of cards, shored-up the rules, and completed artwork for about 25% of the cards. This last part is where we need your help!
Artwork, as it turns out, is expensive. I know what you’re thinking, “No way, man. Art is like, free, or whatever. The bourgeoisie don't, like, own art, man.” We once thought as you do. However, apparently artists qualify as people under the Geneva Convention and therefore we have to pay them for their work. Also, they’re actually really cool people. Our minds were expanded in this regard. Our cool artist person is none other than Kyle Olson. You may have seen his work on Reddit’s /r/PixelArt, where he shows off his rad skills for fun. He’s delivering all the delicious pixels for our game, as you’ll see in the samples below.
In addition to the stuff above, we’ve also lined up a printer to make these pretty pictures into real, tangible things. So far we like what we see, and we think you will, too! Each game will include a super awesome box, a six-sided die, manual, and the good will of a thousand angels.***
* Cards! The Attackening was created using eldritch arts and, as such, may result in loss of free will and/or sanity. Wanton Walrus Productions, LLC is not responsible for any side effects of playing the game - including, but not limited to, summoning forth the Old Gods from their eternal slumber.
** There is nothing special about these. They're just regular dice.
*** Angelic Goodwill may be substituted with Cherubim Apathy.
Now that we've told you a little bit about our progress, let’s get to the fun stuff: the actual game. Each game includes 108 cards, 100 of which are unique. They come in a variety of delicious, low-carb, gluten-free, and ethically-sourced options. Please see the menu below for more information.
AttackenersAttackeners are heroes and rogues that act as your avatar on the Battlefield. They all have three defining characteristics: Health, Damage, and Discipline. Their Health is represented by the shield icon on the bottom left corner. Letting that number reach zero is inadvisable. Damage is only other number on that card (in the circle) and represents an Attackener’s basic attack. This means that even if you don’t have a weapon out, you’re not helpless. Lastly, there’s the Discipline listed under their portrait. Cards: The Attackening! has three Disciplines: Mystical, Mortal, and SciFi. Certain items only work with certain Disciplines. See below for more information.
Here's a look at the Wizard, a paragon of arcane attackening.
Items are stuff or things or junk that help you become even more radical than you already are. They might take the form of a questionable crème to increase your defense, a daunting RPG to obliterate your foes, or gleaming plate mail to shield your delicate skin (or skin-equivalent). All said, Items are necessary if you want to survive.
Items are stored in The Arsenal, a deck within the game that acts as a cornucopia of violence. From it spring all Items, Weapons, Pets, Armor, and Evasion cards. This deck is shared by all players. Weapons and Armor are pretty straightforward and the rest are explained in the manual
Largely because Josh couldn’t stand to play a game where you don’t have some sort of animal battle companion, Pets are a crucial part of the Cards: The Attackening! experience. As in real life, Pets provide bonuses to you, the owner. In Cards: The Attackening!, though, these bonuses are usually more...lethal. Some will increase your damage rolls, detract from those of your foe, or allow you to draw an extra card. Still others absorb damage or even restore health. All told, it’s a veritable zoo of deadly critters.
No one likes being struck by a bolt of lightning or shot in the face by a tommy gun. For this reason, we added a new type of card called “Evasion." These cards are instantaneous reactions you can play when an opponent dares to attempt to Attacken you. Beware, they don’t guarantee any real protection and do rely on the good graces of the Fates.
Twists of Fate
Speaking of the Sisters Fate, they have more say in your destiny than simply attackening and defending. In addition to controlling the outcome of your rolls, they also feel the need to screw around with the Universe at random points in the game. We’ve catalogued these interactions in a unique type of card called “Twists of Fate.” These cards represent the Fates’ interference with circumstances for good or ill. You might wake up one day with a song in your heart and your clothes already ironed or awake face down in a gutter in some dystopian hellhole. Brace yourself, it’s gonna get weird.
How to Play
So you want to know how to play this awesome game, eh? We knew we liked you for some reason! Feast your eyes on the video below to see a real live (er, recorded) 3-player Deathmatch in action! The faceless heroes featured herein are (left to right) Josh, Brad, and Jeff. Still want to know more? Shoot us an email and we'll get back to you ASAP!
Wanton Walrus Productions, LLC is the brainchild of Josh Robinson and Aaron Simon. Our mascot, Cheswick, represents all that is good and right with the world: Walruses. These noble creatures are symbols of the Information Age: huge and sprawling, yet able to provide for their loved ones. (Fact: Aaron and Josh don’t actually know anything about walruses.)
Josh Robinson is Wanton Walrus Productions, LLC’s President of Very Serious Business, a lifelong gamer, and a fan of tabletop games and general frivolity. He graduated from Stevenson University where, much to his dismay, he learned nothing related to creating card games. He came up with the original idea for Cards: The Attackening! while suffering from a severe fit of Tabletop Gaming Withdrawal (ask your doctor if this could be affecting you). He requests that you keep criticism to a minimum, as such things make him weep profusely. He resides in a VaultTec bunker somewhere in Maryland. We’re still not sure exactly where. He is known for composing ballads to his cats and his award-winning experiments on Lunar Horticulture.
Aaron Simon is just this guy, you know? He is the co-founder of Wanton Walrus Productions, LLC and is the company’s Potentate of Creativity. Unlike Josh, Aaron’s last experience with card games other than poker and blackjack was Pokémon. That stint ended when he was busted for stacking decks by a neighborhood narc. He holds an MA in Creative Writing from the University of Kent at Canterbury, and takes every possible opportunity to bring that up. Until recently, Aaron lived in Nashville, Tennessee. Fleeing from the influx of carpetbagger yuppies led him to Portland, Oregon, where he is now surrounded by his fellow hipsters and obsesses over whether or not his caffeine addiction will lead to his heart bursting like an overripe melon.
Now, we all know that this will set a world record for Most Backed Project - right after we call Guinness to get that added as a category. But what does this mean for you? Great question. Once we exceed the initial Kickstarter goal, we've got a smorgasbord of delectable stretch goals - already warming in the oven.
The Fundening - $4,500.00
With your help, generosity, and actions taken as a result of a careful program of systemic brainwashing, Cards: The Attackening! becomes a real thing you can hold and love. We finalize everything, move into production, and get this jazz sent your way!
The Expansioning - $6,000.00
With this influx of funds, Josh and Aaron hit up the Musefont--aka: The coffee machine at The Glacier--and summon the essences of ten more Attackeners! Kyle Olson is hunted down again and shackled to the Pixel Forge until he produces the artwork.
The Flippening - $8,000.00
At this surprising goal, we melt down your e-monies into their bit-essences, siphon those essences from the Interblags, and bring them into the real world. At that point, we use the real monies to create monies that are coin-shaped that you can use to, like, flip or whatever. This is in addition to the Attackeners, of course.
The Expansioning: The Reckoning - $9,500.00
Josh and Aaron's hearts grow three sizes. They hit up the Musefont Mk. II--the espresso machine--and come up with ten new Twists of Fate. Kyle Olson's hard labor sentence is extended in order to produce the Twists of Fate and Attackeners we so desperately crave.
The Tossening - $10,250.00
Dice for the Dice God! Hitting this mark will surely result in a mysterious being called the Dicelord appearing at The Glacier. He will, no doubt, produce amazing, customized, and walrus-laden dice that will ship with the game. Everyone also gets the Twists of Fate, Attackeners, and the coins.
The Expansioning: Expansion Free or Die Hard - $11,750.00
Aaron and Josh shed their mortal coils and transform into beings of pure enegy. This newfound freedom from the necessities of human life--like eating and sleeping--allow them to pull new Arsenal cards from the aether, adding them to the dice from the Dicelord, Twists of Fate from the espresso machine, coins from the e-monies, Attackeners from the coffee machine, and art from Kyle Olson - who will finally be released to his loved ones.
Risks and challenges
Printing Issues - So far we've been very pleased with our printer. However, in the event that they go out of business or are unable to ship our orders, we have lined up alternate producers to ensure the game will still make it out to everyone.
Shipping - This is more a concern with international shipping, but depending on how many copies of the game we need to order, it might take a while to get those assembled and shipped to you. We're confident we've allowed for enough time already, but there are always unforeseen events.
Custom Content Delays - The more custom content our awesome backers order, the longer it will take to finalize the game. This is to be expected when collaborating with the gaming community, so if we sell out of our custom art orders, please bear with us as we get them all squared away so we can ship you a quality product!Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (34 days)