For decades, Hoosier Gold has been the center of the IU tailgating universe. Countless hordes of Hoosiers have enjoyed her amenities and throngs of visiting Hawkeyes and Buckeyes have defiled her. Through it all, she's stood proud with grace and beauty.
Since her marriage to the Upland Festibus in 2009, she's entertained more and more visitors each year, cheerfully accepting larger and larger volumes of used beer. Now, she's plum wore out and she needs your help to keep her legend alive.
We know that you're really putting money into this thing because it's a world-changing cause, but we're putting together some pretty nice items for you, just to say thanks.
The Basic Renovation
For starters, we need to fix the electrical problem that is sucking her soul dry. She needs a jump before and after every game, and she can barely keep her lights on for you to see where you're peeing anymore. This electrical failure also prevents the thermostat from turning on the cabin heater and won't let any of her taillights shine.
Once she's alive and safe to drive, we'll also wire her up to enable more devices to be plugged in. This will include the ability to extend power outside so we can use radios, phone chargers, and electric carving knives on deep-fried turkeys.
Perhaps most importantly, she'll finally be wired for satellite TV inside and out. You'll never have to go all the way into the game just to catch the few minutes of fleeting hope that each game provides.
We're going to install a rubberized floor that can withstand all of the wear and tear that comes from housing your tipsy spouse and your maniacal children.
Walls, Ceiling, and Trim
The current rotten cardboard lining on the walls and ceiling will be replaced with a durable, washable surface.
Doors and Drawers
There isn't a single door or drawer on her that can be smoothly opened and closed without risk of injury or entrapment. We'll fix that. We'll also finish the entertainment center shelving so that it actually holds a TV.
She's currently incontinent. She's got an uncontrollable leak that prevents her from maintaining water pressure. That's why you have to use a pint of hand sanitizer instead of simply washing your hands with soap and water.
We'll also replace her drain pipe. A pipe that is purpose-built to transport sewage needs to be reliable. The current pipe is jerry-rigged with shipping tape and an old chain and it leaks like a sieve.
All of the windows leak. She needs a whole new gasket set to keep her insides dry.
$7500 - Seating and Upholstery
She's gonna get a brand new set of seats throughout. Seats that are comfortable. Seats that are durable. Seats that have clean storage underneath them. Seats that fold up out of the way when necessary and fold down into sleeping areas when necessary. They might be plaid.
Horn That Plays the Fight Song
Bumpers and wheels will be blinged.
Currently, her speedometer is only accurate to about a 20mph range and there's no mechanism for turning on wipers or the heater fan. She'll get a new dash with lights, levers, and gauges that work. Maybe some custom woodgrain or even a radio that works.
We'll replace the entire thing with a brand new sink and toilet. We may even install a bidet.
We'll make the roof unit work so that she stays cool on hot days.
We'll take the Gold to the next level by repainting her with glitter-infused bass boat paint. Of course, we'll restore her exterior artwork to original specifications.
Risks and challenges
We'll need to find craftsmen with skills worthy of Hoosier Gold's high standards.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (30 days)