My personal history behind The Hum and news
Everybody knows that this campaign will not success. I'm still very glad with all the nice messages and support I was receiving.
Before to cancel the campaign, maybe this week, I want to share with you a few lines about what The Hum actually means for me. I'm copy/pasting below an article I wrote in the official site here. If you speak spanish, then I recommend to you to read the original post from me in that language.
Please excuse my mediocre english, I hope the whole idea still is understable for you.
In the next days before the cancellation of this campaign, I will be sharing news and more details about this universe of The Hum, which I'm making since 20 years ago and for what I have written novels, comics and even RPG books. This is a HUGE universe and I hope you can be part of it in the future, not only in a form of videogame, but in many other ways too.
What The Hum is for me
There are many things behind The Hum which are extremely important to me. It is more than an idea or a story. The Hum symbolizes too much in my life. There’s a lot of me that most do not know, neither the things that I spent over the years, and my health issues and how it all leads to what looks like a simple game of horror aliens.
For me to be here today doing this game, lung and slowly, but doing so means much more than “doing little games” and today I came to share a bit of how I got here today.
23 years ago I found myself playing something you might know. It’s called Doom. I was blowed away with 7 year old. It came from my 2 year old trying to schedule. I learned to read at that age thanks to my old ZX Spectrum, which I still have (destroyed …). When I was 5 or 6 years trying to program in BASIC and I was frustrated by not achieving the desired results. I was happy when, after hours of copying code from a magazine of the time, I could compile and play a game that “I had done.”
I played DOOM on the computer from an acquaintance. I had no PC, nor did I for many years. But it inspired me so much that I continued doing programming on paper and game design, drawings and cartoons of my ideas. Was 8 and arming stories about aliens, worlds at war, races and cultures conflicted and “radically different” to human. I took that line from the mouth of the guy Captain Picard of Star Trek, TNG, then passing through the argentinean channel 2.
My life was not easy as a child and at the mercy of a bipolar mother and with many issues, creativity was the only refuge, and doing game design embodied and stories for what will someday be the “super game” was going to do when I had the unattainable age 20. I had read a magazine which had as few joss sticks called John Romero and John Carmack had achieved amazing feats, similar rock-stars of video games, and never stopped dreaming emulate.
Life took turns. With the death of my grandfather, who was acting as a parent, the situation at home was unbearable and my 14 years decided to leave. Since then it began for me a series of adventures (and misadventures) that made me from go to sleep in the street, do not eat for months to work from young and face several situations that if I start to describe, I will stop never, but were formed much that what I am now.
Along the way, my health was deteriorating. Until I hit about 18 years where my body said enough and stopped moving, invaded by infinite pain. The only option for doctors was to drug me until pass out, but even with that, the pain just does not loosen. With the help of people who passed through my life (And how much happened!) And with much effort, I tried to learn how to keep going on.
I saw other people complaining, desultory, the things that they “had” to do and I envied their lucky to move and not to be suffering from constant pain 24 hours a day. Gradually I came to understand that it was justw what touched me for this life. It’s hard to explain how my health and pain, and all the impediments that generates on my everyday, but even so many people do not even notice it. They see me giving talks, see me going to events, but, honestly, I barely leave the house because my health. Assemble a tea, toileting and even typing are enormous effort and suffering, but still I do it, I fight for have a life.
Every day my wife helps me to start the day. First, she moves one of my paralyzed legs, then the other. She massaged my arms and help me to ease the pain of my teeth, eyes, head, back, skin, fingers. She says me words that no one else can tell me and she reminds me that I can deal with all this. There are one or maybe two hours of like this every day, until I can stand up and start the daily fight.
I never forgot my dream of making games. When I was in the street, when my health deteriorated. Even while I met great people in my life, I usually just received a negative, sarcasm or many “no”s to that dream: That in Argentina is not possible to make games, that you have no money for it and never will, that with think in your health, you are useless for daily life, even more for making videogames.
With much effort, at age 22 I started working in the buffet of the University, and then attending a cyber. I just suffered horrors, I could merely walk and talk to people, trying not to pass out all the time. But I had to, I had decided to keep going…but why would I live, if not to fulfill my dreams? I got my first real pc at 23. I knew programming stuff for using paper and some Pascal, Basic and C time ago in one computer that was shared with people who with I was living.
I started working on computers with the help of people who helped me and trusted on my capabilities, doing systems, web and databases. Everyday, after back home, I spent hours and hours learning how to make games using Flash. At the same time I tried several careers in the university (like Astronomy, Physicis and Psychology) and internalized in Yoga and similar disciplines that made my daily fight more bareable.
After some time, I decided to leave that job, which was stable and in which I had climbed enough to gain a decent money and lead some teams. But I left that to try work in a game company, which were just beginning to appear in Argentina. I moved out to the capital and without a buck, I started my search for work in games. I had to do a giant effort trying to hide in every interview my terrible discomfort and pain, and many times I just ran from the place almost crying on frustration for my health. And then, I started making games “professionally” in one of the few studios I joined. I had great teammates, made many trully friends and gain some people that did not get along. I’m a weirdo. Someone who eats weird food to feel better as possible, who does not go to usual meetings because he dies in pain or appear to have angry face always because he is enduring much pain, is usually considerated just a weirdo.
My experiences and what I face every day, gave me a strong personality in many aspects. But it also made me realize over the years that you have to be thankful for all the things we have. I have known many people who have said things about me without even knowing me and hardly know all these situations in my life. “Ladran Sancho”.
The Hum is for me much more than a game. It is the result of 20 years of hard work day and night in order to feel that life actually means something. Even, when I was in the sleeping in the street, I always thought “I will fulfill my dream.” When I fell and when I went from doctor to doctor with pain breaking my life, as it still does, I always thought “I’ll do it”. I lost many people who are no longer in this world. Whenever something seemed to be improved in my life, any hard test hit to me: a death, a big misunderstanding with someone I loved, an economic tragedy, a crisis in the environment. But I get stronger and always looking forward.
Today I am achieving, step by step, my two dreams: making games, and have a family. Years ago I was resigned to never knowing how it feels to have a family. With my situation, my health and my “shitty complitations”, having children was not an option. Making games, traveling to another country, talk to people, go to events, neither.
My obstacles have not changed so much, but I grew up. So today these two things are being fulfilled. My daughter is ready to be born and is the most beautiful feeling one can imagine. For her I’m going to continue this way as well as I’ve done it all my life, with all the fighting that each day takes to me to get up and to go to bed. She chose me as a parent and I can only be grateful.
The Hum is much more than a game, a story to tell. It’s my way of expressing something infinite for me. I’m making the universe of The Hum since my childhood with books, role games and comics and it was mutating again and again. It is also, the expression of how something can be absolutely huge and apparently insurmountable, but you can still find meaning to life throught it. Years ago, I called to my health problems as “The Beast.” That’s The Hum is about, a giant unbeateable enemy who control everything, but also how fight against it, how desmitify his power and transcend it.
So to The Hum and all the games I dream someday to do, there still lacks a lot of work. No doubt it is a great effort, but is not something I’m afraid of. So I have no doubt that you will get your hands on this game and many other in the future! And I am very grateful for all the words and comments coming praising me or supporting what The Hum is almost always without knowing all what it means to me, but that makes every “good work” you say me, is worth a thousand for me and every review a door for further improvement.
I can not close this post without telling everyone who is doubting about go behind their dreams, or who feels rejected by hard situations: Life is not easy, but this is like being a gamer. If everything is too easy it becomes too boring! The best achievements are reached with effort and are also a lot more enjoyables. There is always another chance (or lots) after every fail and you can always give more than you think. Never give up.