On Feb 5, 2013, www.gnut.co.uk, whom we believe to be a subversive tactics unit of the evil Galactic Empire, launched a Kickstarter campaign to crowdsource a Death Star.
At first, we laughed.
When we stopped laughing (because it kind of hurt, how hard we were laughing) we realized that it was an ingenious plot by the Empire to use the power of the people against us!
We can't let this new Death Star go unchallenged, so we're raising funds to form a new Rebel Alliance and construct a fleet of proton torpedo armed X-Wing fighters to take down this new Death Star.
If George Lucas produced Star Wars IV, A New Hope, for $11,000,000 we figure we can finance a prototype of an X-Wing and train a pilot.
Stretch Goal 1:
$4,485,672,683: That's the world-wide box office total for all of the films (+ The Clone Wars). We figure we can build up an X-Wing squadron for that. We'll be taking applications for Rebel fighter pilots after we reach our Stretch Goal.
Stretch Goal 2:
13 million Galactic Standard Credits: A Class YT-1300 Freighter (heavily modified) and a crew consisting of a Corellian smuggler and a Wookiee co-pilot.
Stretch Goal 3:
One of our Backers / Rebel Comrades wisely suggested adding another stretch goal to include a prototype Y-Wing Bomber. So, if we reach $23,000,000, which is reportedly the production cost of the Empire Strikes Back, we'll also build a prototype BTL-B Y-Wing heavy starfighter / bomber to help clear the path for the X-Wing to do its thing.
The one thing the Empire is doing right is open sourcing the Death Star's design. We assume someone's going to cover up the exhaust port this time, but rest assured, we'll find another weakness in their defenses!
There are a great many plans already floating out there for X-Wings, so we'll be taking the best of them to build the ideal variant.
One update we'd like to include for our updated X-Wing is iPhone and Siri integration.
Rally More Rebels!
Tweet to your allies using #xwing and #kickstarter
Risks and challenges
As with the Death Star, our biggest challenge is making sure Kickstarter and all of our Backers know that this is also a joke. We LOVE the Death Star Kickstarter project, and just wanted to post the logical challenge project to it.
In the hilarious and unlikely event that we come close to reaching our Funding Goal, we'll pull the plug on the project. We might have an actual engineer on our team, but Simon has no clue how to build an X-Wing. Well, nothing more complex than a Lego model, anyways.
Yes, but since the new Death Star will be open source, no Bothan lives need be sacrificed. Just because the Death Star plans are open source, however, doesn't make the existence of such a planet destroyer any less dangerous.
We would like to assure you that no Gungans are working on this project.
Aren't you a little short to be a Storm Trooper? What's with the inquisition? We're the Rebel Alliance. We're scrappy and work on a low budget. We also have lower overheads without all the bureaucratic red tape of the Empire. Besides, our goal gets us a single X-wing and pilot. Our stretch goals get us a whole squadron and possibly a Millenium Falcon.
Point well made. We hadn't figured an Astromech droid in our original budget, so we're asking all qualified (and maybe not so qualified) engineers, tech hobbyists, and general geek hackers to join forces and build one!
Yes, we are the same guys – but the two projects are totally unrelated.
We'd been preparing our SIMPLcase campaign for a few months and were close to putting it live. In the last few days of preparation we saw the #deathstar project and given it took only a little time to write and submit the #xwing project we thought why not – just for fun of course!
We then launched the SIMPLcase (which is real!) a few days later on.
Thanks for your contribution to the battle against the evil Empire! Your dollar will buy rivets for the construction of the X-wing squadron. In return, you receive our gratitude. May the Force Be WIth You!
Our thanks and your name hand-engraved by a lightsaber wielding Jedi onto the business end of a proton torpedo. Sorry that we can't send you the torpedo, as it's meant to be special delivered to the Death Star ;-)
Lightsaber Building Workshop! Learn how to construct your own lightsaber. We provide the Jedi guidance, power cells, Kaiburr crystals, and tools. *Please note, we cannot be held liable for loss of limbs or property damage due to mishandling of lightsabers. This Reward not offered to Sith.
Become a Jedi! Jedi Training Camp with Master Yoda in the swamps of Dagobah. You get to eat grub worms, wear Yoda like a backpack, and lift heavy objects using just your conviction and the power of the Force, and last - but certainly not least - face your fears and confront the Dark Side! A vacation to remember! *Note: does not include round trip interstellar transport.