Miniature Megaphone: Volume 1
This article was originally published in The Peanut Picayune, a print-only news outlet serving the unincorporated community residents of Peanut, CA.
The following is an interview with Pete Peanut, local author of Pete Peanut and the Trouble with Birthdays. Pete has recently launched a Kickstarter campaign, the first known peanut to attempt such a human-sized endeavor. Pete sat down with The Peanut Picayune for an exclusive off-the-shell interview.
The Peanut Picayune: It's great to meet you. I really like your coffee table.
Pete: That old thing? I don't even remember where it came from.
Thanks so much for agreeing to do this interview. You're a very busy peanut these days.
Thank YOU for ringing my doorbell. Happy Saturday.
Happy Saturday to you as well. Tell us about your book, Pete.
Well, right now it has a yellow cover. But that might change. And the book is about my life. Or more specifically, the occurrences in town over the last few months. Related to birthdays.
Are birthdays a bad thing?
That depends which peanut you ask. You see, before birthdays, peanuts lived from day to day, year to year, in a way that the counting of time wasn't so important. We just had our lives and time flowed around us. And now? Everyone is obsessed with birthdays. There are lines around the block at the post office to mail birthday invitations. This can't be a good thing.
Why did you write this book, Pete?
It's important that I tell the world about the trouble with birthdays. And stop the madness from spreading any further.
And you think publishing a book will help?
Of course. Everyone reads books. That's how knowledge is spread!
Many people don't read books anymore, Pete. Did you know this? They read the Internet instead.
I refuse to believe that. I am optimistic that the world still reads books. Look at all of the wonderful human beings who have supported my Kickstarter campaign this past week.
But they learned about your campaign via the Internet.
No, Sean and Mimi told them. They have friends.
That's not exactly how the Internet works.
The Inter who?
Let's talk about the Kickstarter campaign. How has it been going so far?
Very exciting. Although too many jam and jelly sandwiches — I’m a bit of an emotional eater. And I wasn't able to take a walk to the stream today because of this interview.
I'm sorry. This was the only day that you were available.
Don't worry about it. I just wanted the opportunity to thank all of the amazing humans who have supported my campaign so far. Together, we're saving the world from birthdays. It's great to be part of something big.
Are you the leader of a movement, Pete?
No. I'm just a peanut. Who would like his Saturdays back when this is finished.
That's reasonable. Pete, is there anything else you would like to talk about before we go?
Yes. One thing. I need a bit more help. Mimi and Sean have taken some photos of me and my book and also created something called Tweets. Do you think it would be possible to contact the wonderful humans who have supported me so far and ask them to help me tell the world about my book and this Kickstarter campaign and the magic of a good jam and jelly sandwich?
Using Twitter? And Instagram? And Facebook? And the Internet?
Communicating with their friends, using typewriters or No. 2 pencils or whatever method they choose. Do you think people would be willing to help?
I'm not sure, Pete. We'll have to ask them. It can't hurt to try.
That would be wonderful. Thank you so much. And please thank everyone again for being so supportive of my project. Would you like a jam and jelly sandwich?
Gregory Groundnut is a staff journalist for The Peanut Picayune. Each weekend he publishes a feature interview with a local Peanut, CA celebrity. Next week, watch for “Jam, Jelly, Grasshoppers?” as Gregory heads inside the new innovation kitchen at the jam and jelly factory. Delicious.