I, like I'm sure you, have been eating nachos for years, and I, like I'm sure you, love them something fierce. However, my love for them was such that two years ago I started the website Nachonomics in order to spread the good word about the tastiest of foods. Now, a website is all well and good, but what happens when you're out in the field at a restaurant and encounter a strange order of nachos?
THE FIELD GUIDE TO NACHOS
Enter The Field Guide to Nachos, a pocket sized reference to the history, types, and background of the greatest of Mexican delicacies.
- READ... The true story of how Ignacio Anaya created "The Nacho" in 1943.
- LEARN... How nachos moved from Mexico and spread across America like shredded cheese melting across a pile of chips.
- KNOW... the real difference between natural cheese versus pasteurized processed cheese product. It's terrifying.
- DIFFERENTIATE... between kinds of popular nachos that are to be found in our modern restaurants.
Why, when you're through perusing this guide there won't be a bit of nacho knowledge that you won't know, other than the unknowable nacho knowledge that man was not meant to know of course. You'll be your choice of the bee's knees, cat's pajamas, or eel's heels! Yes, whip this out at the next restaurant you hit up and you'll be irresistible to any humans you desire, assuming they like nachos that is.
THE FIELD GUIDE-
A 32 page pocket sized guide of all the nacho information you could ever need in a pinch, from Anaya, Ignacio (The creator of nachos) to Yum Kaax (The Mayan God of Corn). Need to know where nachos were invented? It's Piedras Negras, Mexico, and there's a map of where that is. Need to know what the best cuts of a Chupacabra are? There's a chart, and the answer is the hind trotters. Need to discern an order of Anayan Nachos from some Liberton Nachos? Diagrams are included.
THE PIEDRAS NEGRAS NACHOS SHIRT-
We've all got our favorite sports teams and I'm pleased to announce that we have recently discovered a cache of shirts of everyone's favorite Mexican 50's sports team, The Piedras Negras Nachos. Relive all the goals in one, touchdown baskets, and 100-yard base run points of one of Mexico's very first sports teams just by wearing this shirt.
A replica of the legendary book of nacho knowledge by The Mad Mexican, Raul Alhazredo, the original of which was rumored to have been bound in tortillas and written in blood salsa. While containing no actual forbidden nacho knowledge, this replica will look great on the shelf between your copies of Ludvig Prinn's De Vermis Mysteriis, and Friedrich von Juntz's Unaussprechlichen Kulten.
LIMITED EDITION NACHONOMICON VERSION OF THE FIELD GUIDE-
A hand made copy of The Field Guide in the form of a replica Nachonomicon. Sure, it won't fit in your pocket, but it will look as badass as the replica books, albeit a little thinner, and when you open it you will find it to be the complete content of The Field Guide, plus some bonus material. As these are going to be extremely detailed only three such tomes will ever be crafted. More potent than all your other grimoires combined, certain eldritch anchorites say that if all three of these texts are combined it will open a doorway to Tonatiuhican, the highest of Aztec heavens, or possibly summon Camaztoz, the God of Vampire Bats. They weren't entirely clear on it, but that's an anchorite for you.
So due to the amazing vagaries of the United States Postal Service where packages get shipped based off of a mystical size and weight system, it looks like the price to ship things in certain packages is nil, so with that fact we can now add on extra copies of The Guide and sets of "BIENVENIDOS A PIEDRAS NEGRAS!" post cards to any order of $20 or more.
- Want an extra copy of The Field Guide to Nachos? Just add $5 to any order of $20 or more and you'll have it!
- Want an extra set of 5 "BIENVENIDOS A PIEDRAS NEGRAS!" post cards? Just add $6 to any order of $20 or more and you'll get them with your order!
So if this project somehow gets more than the asked for $1,000, what will be done with the extra cash? Well, good thing plans are in motion to make The Guide even better!
- $1,250 - UNLOCKED! - EXPANDED DIGITAL VERSION OF THE FIELD GUIDE: Did someone steal your physical copy of The Guide and you need a new one this very second? Let's see them try and do that to a digital copy! Also, it won't get covered with guacamole if you make a mess eating nachos. As this will be an extended digital version and not limited to the, um, limitations of paper, it will have some extra material that can't fit in the guide, which is good. What isn't good is that this means it will take a little longer to produce and probably won't be out until at least Christmas, possibly Q1 of 2015.
- $1,500 - UNLOCKED! - PIEDRAS NEGRAS NACHOS STICKERS: In addition to the unearthed cache of Piedras Negras Nachos T-Shirts, there was also some stickers that we found that we will be proud to offer you. We'll guaranteed toss some of those in with any order of $20 or more, maybe in lesser orders depending on how things get all priced out later.
- $1,750 - UNLOCKED! - NACHO ART PRINTS: Some large sized prints of the various charts and diagrams included in The Field Guide, such as the Nacho Family Tree, to put on the wall of your kitchen, office, boudoir, man cave, woman cave, garage, breezeway, state room, scullery, drawing room, bed chamber, or throne room. These will be available on the Nachonomics website after the project ends. Which prints these will be are yet to be finalized, but probably whichever pictures from The Field Guide are best received will be them.
- $2,000 - UNLOCKED! - TWO COLORED FIELD GUIDE: A Field Guide printed in one color isn't cool. You know what's cool? A Field Guide printed in TWO colors. Forget black and white, allow me to introduce you to black and white and red all over. Ideally read all over as well. Yes folks, your limited edition will come in two colors, which you rightly deserve being so awesome as to back and all. Whether future "regular" editions will come as such, we don't know. Do you think they deserve it?
- $2,500 - UNLOCKED! - NACHO RATING SHEET SUPPLEMENTS: A Field Guide is all well and good, but how will you easily keep track of the kind and quality of nachos you eat? A perfect companion to The Field Guide, this secondary supplement will be included with every $34 or greater order. The Field Guide :: Nacho Rating Supplement as Dungeon Master's Guide :: Character Sheet.
- $3,000 - UNLOCKED! - "BIENVENIDOS A PIEDRAS NEGRAS!" POST CARDS: All postcards are replaced with special cards showcasing the lovely Piedras Negras and its local arts, culture, and memorable events, like Ignacio Anaya's battle with Camazotz, or local delicacy "Tacos de Nana". All orders will receive a few cards, but any order of $20 or more will get the full set! Frame on your wall or mail to a friend, the choice is yours!
- $6,000 - UNLOCKED! - FAMOUS INTERNET ARTISTS PROVIDE ART: While The Field Guide's art will be high quality scans of Rexroth Chalmers' original notes, things like the post cards, Piedras Negras Nachos logo, prints, and other could be drawn by classy artists such as those at Tentacles and Teeth, Yog-Blogsoth, Poorly Drawn Lines, and others. There are preliminary chats in place with these folks and all we'd need is a little more scratch in order to make it happen. Wouldn't you want this sweet baby as a card?
Risks and challenges
Considering that the guide is already a thing written there are zero issues with that, but I suppose I could be murdered on the way to sending it to the printers, which would be most unfortunate. In all seriousness though, a reputable printer has already been found so ideally we'll be formatting the book while the check is clearing and once that happens will be good to go with those. I have backed plenty of Kickstarters whose products haven't been delivered anytime close to what they initially promised, but I feel our deadlines are most reasonable considering what needs to be created. Everything will be delivered in plenty of time for Christmas, Krampusnacht, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Tet, Festivus, Boxing Day, Winter Solstice, Saturnalia, Yule, and Apostolic Christmas.
As for being qualified to write about nachos, I suggest you check out Nachonomics.com.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (30 days)