“Meet EdenTech!” Promotional Interviews
From: Ellen Allenby, Public Relations
RE: “Meet EdenTech!” Promotional Interviews
Liz, here is the latest draft of the “Meet EdenTech!” sound bites we discussed last week. This is turning out to be much harder than I thought. The copy at the opening was easy enough to write, but I think we should maybe consider interviewing some line employees, like a member of a Hazard Environment Action Response Team (HEART) or a regular scientist, or even just someone who lives in one of the condos at the BioCampus. I’ve included some notes on the interviews in brackets after each blurb.
EDENTECH! At EdenTech, we bring you wonders for a better and greener future! Our antipollution and environmental cleanup services are second to none, but there’s so much more of us to see! We’re pioneers in clean, efficient energy production for a new millennium. Our advanced medicines help save lives around the world. Our next-generation, self-contained habitats, including our arcological Corporate BioCampus and the planned Hollybriar Lifescape Community (living units leasing now!) set a new standard in living in harmony with our neighbors and our planet. And, of course, EdenTech remains the world leader in socially responsible business operations, with extensive environmental and sociological surveys preceding each project we undertake. EdenTech cares!
EdenTech: A Better World. Better for You!
But don’t take our word for it! Here’s what some of the valued members of our corporate family had to say when we asked them, “What do you like best about working for EdenTech?”
Stephen Workham, CEO: EdenTech is my life. It is my opportunity to atone for the wrongs we have all done to the planet while bringing a new appreciation of green-friendly lifeways to everyday people. By shifting the paradigm of human interaction with its environment, EdenTech takes us out of the unenlightened, smog-filled darkness of our forefathers and into a better future. [I’m afraid people are going to read what Mr. Workham says here as corporate double-speak. You have to meet him to realize that he actually talks like that.]
Dr. Robert Graachs, Chief of Research and Development: EdenTech is a bright light leading us to the future. When I started my scientific career in the Fifties, I ended up creating a lot of hazards by accident. You know, pollution, radioactive waste, giant monsters, that kind of thing. It’s nice to make up for that; to be working with antibiotics and antipollution scrubbers and not huge, mutated plant-critters. (Pause.) Well, I guess I still work with a huge, mutated plant-critter. But he’s on our side now. [I’m not sure Dr. Graachs understands the “public” part of public relations.]
Elizabeth Rachael Laliekuleila Harris, COO: I like meeting a new challenge every day and working alongside my friends. And the child care and work-life programs are great. [No complaints, and not just because you’re my boss.]
Madog ap Rhys, Head of Corporate Security: My brothers and sisters of EdenTech have welcomed me with open arms into this age of wonders: carts without horses, talking machines, unflickering lamps to light the darkest night, and best of all, ale that pours forth from secret reservoirs! I delight in calling on the powers of brook, glen, and flame to destroy any who would harm my brethren. Tremble before the druid Madog, the son of Rhys, you evildoers! [I’d be happy to go out partying with Madog any time, but he may not be the best choice for this promo. He still doesn’t quite “get” the twenty-first century. It was all I could do to keep him from painting his face blue for the interview.]
Josh Zeukias, “Agent Earth” (actor): I’m not a superpowered hero, but EdenTech lets me play one on TV. It’s great to have steady work, and it’s fun hanging out with the kids and signing autographs and such. (Josh deepens his voice into Agent Earth’s.) “Remember, kids, it’s your capability!” The blue and green makeup kinda itches, though … [Josh is great! I wish I knew him better!]
Goo-Baar the Gargantuan, “Special Consultant”: Greetings, puny PR human! Goo-Baar does not understand “sound bites.” But Goo-Baar will still protect the mighty Dr. Graachs and Goo-Baar’s friend Madog. No one can stand against Goo-Baar the Gargantuan! [Goo-Baar’s sweet, but I really don’t think a mutated Arachis hypogea from the 1950’s projects quite the image we want here.]
If you have any further comments or suggestions, please let me know. Thanks for giving some of your valuable time.