Heroes to Watch For (Lore)
[text from a flyer found in Clarkstown]
Heroes are freakin’ everywhere, man. You gotta watch your back all the time. Especially when you see one of these heroes. Or, EVEN WORSE, don’t see ‘em.
1. The Paragons, duh.
Look, you might think that the Paragons are always off doing high and mighty heroics against mutant squash monsters, but you gotta watch them. Sometimes you borrow a lady’s purse and WHAM, run straight into Anthem. Arrow Shade actually lurks around the streets, which is totally unfair. You’d think they don’t have the time for us, but watch your back, they’re too goody-too-shoes to ignore even us. Totally unfair.
2. Jarhead and Enech
Most of the CAPies are easy to avoid. Silly normie citizens with toy guns. But Jarhead and Enech? They can be anywhere, whipping the CAPies up into a half-decent patrol force. Jarhead is all, like, crazy military. Enech is just crazy. Both will punch you in the face, so stay far away.
This guy. This freakin’ guy. He can be anywhere doing and saying the weirdest things. You might only be interested in a quick smash and grab, but he’ll try to turn it into this huge plot. Like you have time to make up one of those? If the cops believe him, you are screwed, man. I knew this guy, normal Rook you know?, only Revolution tied him to this big scheme the mook had wandered into. Now he’s in Hardlock for like, ever .
I mean, word is if you’re not a Dragon you have half a chance, but who wants to risk that? She knows kung-fu and everything. Will punch you. The swanky trench coat almost makes it worth the risk, because wow, but do not risk it.
5. Hazel, the Witch
Unlike the rest of these capes, this girl doesn’t look the part of a hero. Or “vigilante” as they like to be called, ugh. But she will mess you up. Like magically. She’s like the witch queen of Charleston and all the little witchlettes will do whatever she says. They’ll fight Barons, man, you don’t want near them.
Wears spandex and does magic. That’s like a twofer of Do Not Want. Years ago, it was awesome because stodgy magic dudes would stay far away from us. Now, you have heroes like her wandering around. Occasionally with stodgy magic dudes trailing behind, and one to two pathetic Rooks behind them. It’s a disgrace, not like the old days at all.
7. Dapper Spirit
This guy is like, old school. I know some people who want to get caught by him because “he’s so classy” and “I have fantasies about Sam Spade.” It’s all wrong, you know? He’s one of the serious street types, too, so you can’t avoid him. Or hearing about him. Ever.
8. Indomitable Man
He will not go away. Seriously. You can give him a super punch to the jaw one day, and the next he’s back on the street like nothing happened. It’s freaky, that’s what it is. I grew up in Liberty, man, I’ve had enough freaky zombies for an entire lifetime or two.
Yeah, she’s not all there and a hero joke to most of us. But she can turn up anywhere. Like ANYWHERE. You’re helping yourself to a nicely opened safe, and there she is, crashing through the ceiling shouting about aliens.
10. Mr. Dynamic
Okay, so the last few Mr. Dynamics have been totally weird. But my gran remembers when Mr. Dynamics were Trouble for young entrepreneurs like ourselves. These guys keep popping up and you never know what the next one’ll be .
Written by - Cy 'Aquashock' Coughlin, Continuity Lead
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