$37
pledged of $3,000pledged of $3,000 goal
5
backers
0seconds to go
Funding Suspended
Funding for this project was suspended by Kickstarter over 3 years ago
James BellardBy James Bellard
First created
James BellardBy James Bellard
First created
$37
pledged of $3,000pledged of $3,000 goal
5
backers
0seconds to go
Funding Suspended
Funding for this project was suspended by Kickstarter over 3 years ago

About

Were you planning on donating your money to some indie game developer, but you’re worried that they might waste your money, and you’ll never see the game? Let me clear any doubt: This game is doomed to fail!

f this awful kickstarter page doesn’t make it fail, I have a number of contingency plans (see how we plan to succeed at failing section).

Gameplay

Gameplay mostly consists of throwing together a bunch of shitty things that don’t go together. There will be a train customization system. There will be magic based around booze-wizards who draw their power from alcohol. A booze-wizard and a train-smith could even work together to create a train that is possessed by a dragon and breathes fire.

So, the point of the game is mainly jacking around with whatever random wonky crap I put into the game.

Although

There is actually a story-line planned based around a wizard who runs a band of organ-snatchers. They use the rail-road to travel all over the world snatching organs… for… wizard things. You can either stop them or join them.

How We Plan to Succeed (At Failing)

not having any skills or experience pissing off our customers (see reward tiers) making promises that will be difficult to impossible to keep. see our budget plan below:

surplus money will be spent on Space Dinosaurs. If we get over 9000 I will put them in the game.
surplus money will be spent on Space Dinosaurs. If we get over 9000 I will put them in the game.

Features

  • Classes: classes are mostly based around organs. For example, a train-smith needs to have a powerful brain, while a booze-wizard needs to have a powerful liver.
  • Bugs: our quality assurance team will ensure that the game has as many bugs as possible, and if any bugs are broken, we will make sure to fix them so that the game stays buggy.
  • Time travel: you will be able to travel back in time and play against yourself from the past.
  • 1337: Npc$ w1\\ $p34k 1n 1nc0mqr3h3ns1bl3 l337, s0 3v3n if u 4r3 3nj0y1ng t3h g4m3 a+ f1r$$+, u w1ll s00n b3 v3ry fru$+r4+3d and g1v3 up.

Art

Its strange that people actually hire artists when, really, art is something anyone can do. With that in mind I’m drawing all my game’s art myself. Here’s an art sample; it took me almost a whole minute to whip up these two.

As you can see, this is a train.
As you can see, this is a train.
As you can see this is a dragon. This is my drawing of Blue eyes actually. He belongs to Seto Kaiba, only becuase of copyrights, in my game he will be called Sylvester Kaiba.
As you can see this is a dragon. This is my drawing of Blue eyes actually. He belongs to Seto Kaiba, only becuase of copyrights, in my game he will be called Sylvester Kaiba.

So, as you can see, that is a dragon and a train. I plan to combine them into a dragon train that will be in the game. I imagine it would look something like this:

How to dragon your train.
How to dragon your train.

I don’t know how to program, but I’ve been learning how to use Unity . I’ve already mastered 3D modeling. Check it out:

nanananana Dragon Train (Imagine the Iron Man song in your head when you read that)
nanananana Dragon Train (Imagine the Iron Man song in your head when you read that)

Btw, my screen has been stuck upside down. If anyone knows how to turn it right-side up, please let me know in the comments.

Rewards

Make your donation count for double.

Share this page on your Facebook, twitter, etc., as long as you have less than 500 friends/followers and post proof (a screenshot or publicly viewable link) in the comments,  your amount of money will count as double for tier prizes. So, couldn't afford to get that sweet half-poster and went for the next lower tier? Just post on your social media site.

So, this seems like a good idea, but I'm allowing this to stack for different sites/the same site a few days later. Lets say everyone does this; then I'm losing money sending out half-posters and moldy sandwiches for more postage cost than I make. Stacking goes x2, x3, x4, etc.

I also can't allow people with more than 500 friends to do this, because I could end up being too successful.

Video

I don't have a video about this project, but I did make this completely unrelated video. I don't really know how to embed it, so here is a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VHoFRue3Rw

Risks and challenges

-I get too much money, the game may inevitably succeed despite my half-assed efforts to stop it.

-People take this seriously and I have to actually make a game. Then, I have to take this joke seriously, while also being true to the original joke that was promised. If this game is funded I promise to ensure that it is both a success and a failure.

Learn about accountability on Kickstarter

Questions about this project? Check out the FAQ

Support

  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $1 or more About $1.00

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:

    -you gain -$1

    -When you die you will be reincarnated as one of my drawings

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    Pledge $3 or more About $3

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:
    -a personalized fuck you note.

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    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:
    -a personalized Fuck You note with a comment about one of your loved ones.

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    Pledge $6 or more About $6

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:

    -An original copy of my game art (or as original as I can manage seeing as my art is made on MSpaint)

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    What's more insulting that a personalized Fuck You letter? A form Fuck You letter! Its yours for $8.

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    Pledge $12 or more About $12

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:

    -A copy of my shitty game.

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  7. Select this reward

    Pledge $25 or more About $25

    The Shit Tier
    You get:

    -The game

    -I will add your name on a piece of shit that will actually go in the game.

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    Pledge $45 or more About $45

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:

    -Previous Tier Prizes

    -A sandwich that will arrive in your mail as slowly as possible.

    -Half of a poster

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  9. Select this reward

    Pledge $69 or more About $69

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:
    -All previous tier prizes
    -sex position chart

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    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    Donate this amount and get:
    -The game
    -a personalized Fuck You letter sent to 100 of your closest friends and family members.

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    Pledge $666 or more About $666

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:
    -All previous tier prizes
    -Membership with my Satanic Train Club.

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    Pledge $1,000 or more About $1,000

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:

    -Previous Tier Prizes

    -I will name you as next in line for the Iron Throne.

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    Pledge $10,000 About $10,000

    If you give this much, you will gain access to these rewards:

    -The game

    -I will worship you as my new lord and god.

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Funding period

- (30 days)