(video coming soon)
God has Amnesia. On Purpose
HEY... THANKS for checking out my Kickstarter project. -J.R.
PROLOGUE - Echoes from The Void (rough draft v1.8)
Imagine if you had a day so horrifying, so terrible, so pathetic, so full of suffering and death that you just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there; because facing the day ahead makes you wince with empathy at all of the needless pain and sorrow you are probably going to witness again today. Well, that's the way that God felt. Every day. Until he gave himself Amnesia, that is.
And now? God does not know why he is immortal. He does not know why he cannot die. At first, he'd wake up on most days, not even realizing he was immortal; but on the days where he should have died, he'd think he was cursed and would sometimes try to kill himself over and over again just to experiment. It was pretty easy to find ways to get yourself killed back in the Middle Ages, believe me. It was on a day like this that they found him.
After this, for some centuries, God lived among the Vampires, and was hellbent on being as evil as he could possibly be. An immortal can't stay off their radar for long, and they were convinced he was one of them. Some of them even considered themselves his friends; watched out for him with his "memory condition"; and filled him in on who he was and where he belonged when he woke each and every night with no recollection of the night before or anything that had happened in the past at all.
So, they made sure he knew that he was a bloodthirsty monster; and he believed it so sincerely that he grew a pair of fangs, instantly, within a few minutes after they found him, flat as a pancake in the middle of a war field. He'd been trampled by cavalry that night, from the look of the hoof prints, but he was unmistakably animated. I won't say "alive". One of the vampires who found him mentioned how remarkable a sight it was, even for them. They all agreed, while they proceeded to wrench and pull his body into some sort of recognizable form. Once his heart was a non-pancake again, it didn't start beating, either; another unconscious metamorphosis.. or didn't you know? Vampires hearts do not beat. If a suspicious human ever got anywhere near close enough to check (already unlikely) a vampire's natural instinct is to glamour them into thinking they did hear or feel a heartbeat. That simple. In reality, the human would be sensing their own heartbeat, reflected and magnified.
Sometimes God's powers would surface in other ways, always unconsciously. Because of this, upon being convinced he was a vampire, he became one of the most powerful and bloodthirsty any of them had ever known. No one has ever been able to match his power. As I understand it now (I didn't back then), God became the most powerful vampire in Europe within a decade; quickly built up a coven of progeny surrounding him and protecting him, until they came too close to discovering who he really was, that is. Without even knowing it, God made everyone in the castle sleepwalk right out into the blistering sunlight the very next day.
He woke up alone that night. The very same night we found each other, back in 1013, actually. He took me back to his empty castle where we spent the rest of the night deciphering what clues we there were about who he was, and from then on, I took care of helping him with his amnesia. Every single night for over 900 years.
On January 1st, 1923, however, (at his insistence, and with his help, mind you) I figured out a way to break the spell and make him remember who he was; remember all that has happened. In an instant, the vampire I knew was gone-- but not only that! I swear that for just one second, I could feel my heart beating again! Something I hadn't felt for nearly a millennia. It wasn't until then, of course, that either of us realized his true identity and limitless power. Power he used to put me in this prison; but not before he recapitulated his entire existence in the blink of an eye in front of my very eyes; his power so strong, it drew me right into the dream.
In that moment, I relived billions of years with God. Suddenly, I was there, in the beginning, a being of light with no body. I felt warmth and love surrounding me and thought and experienced things I cannot even begin to put to words, but I will try to sum it up as best I can.
Communication was rich among these "beings of light", as every single thought would ripple throughout us all like a gentle breeze that penetrates your soul, but at quantum speeds. I knew there were other thoughts, other souls, yet at the same time, I felt they were a part of me. We could imagine anything; visualize entire virtual worlds and take part in every aspect of them; all created with light. Much the same way virtual worlds are created in the modern day, come to think of it. Except there were no computers necessary.
In reality, there did not seem to be anything else but light. No matter how far we traveled, I still felt I was home. Time was inconsequential. It did not exist, really, but at some point we found an anomaly. What today, I believe would be called a singularity. There was one tiny little point where light simply wasn't. No matter how much light was pushed towards it, everything just seemed to go around it. This was truly the first appearance of "darkness" as a concept to these beings, and it became a fascination.
Later, I was there with God, as he decided to try to move back and forth through the singularity, or rather it was going through him, but it felt like he was going through it… Well, let's just say he was "rubbing" it with his entire being. Back and forth, over and over, the way one might start a fire using a bow and drill. As he continued, the singularity began to take on a dull glow… there was a spark, and Boom! Hydrogen was born; but as incredible as this seemed, he only stopped to examine it for a moment before rubbing again, creating another spark, and Boom! Helium. This continued on for some time as you can imagine, each element more complex and incredible as the next. Here I was, not only witnessing the process, but feeling it as though I was doing it myself. Somewhere along the way though, among all of the amazing distractions, these new elements that had never been seen before, a realization sank in. We were alone. The light and warmth surrounding us was not that of the other beings of light; it was a huge, burning ball of Helium, the first star, ever.
Renewed in spirit by this sight, God focused anew on creating more elements, and unleashing them with as much force as he could muster. When he was done, we explored with awe at the physical universe he created and watched in amazement as it unfolded before us; watched galaxies, solar systems and planets form, witnessed the birth of billions upon billions of different plant and animal species… even experienced what it was like to live as a rock, a tree, an insect, an bird. Lived countless lifetimes as a person on an endless number of planets, spoke more languages and met more people than I ever thought I could possibly recall. Yet I remember each and every one of them: their names, their faces, the love I still feel for them, even though I know I wasn't "really" there. Thank God for that. Literally. I've never actually called him "God" to his face, of course, but after that experience, there can be no question of who he is. I had just witnessed every single moment of his existence, took part in every single thought-- for billions upon billions of years right up to the moment he met me!
At least I still have these shared memories as well as my own to keep me company, for he has taken everything else away from me. I am now "living" in the netherworld, a place between the planes of existence, where nothing happens and no one lives; except me, sort of. I cannot move. I cannot see my body. There is no light-- no love, nor warmth, as when God was born. I am forever doomed to a daily regimen of emptiness, silence and darkness. Nothing moves. I feel no wind. I do not breathe, so I cannot smell. I don't thirst for blood or hunger for flesh. I do not sleep. I do not dream. I can however, somehow, still speak, and hear my words echo through endless black canyons. Perhaps it’s only my imagination, but it is my hope that these words some day are heard by someone, somewhere.
On January 2nd, God woke up with Amnesia. Again. This much I know.
The other thing I know is this: it's our planet, Earth, that stopped God in his tracks and made him give up his life of creation.. and I think I know why.
Who am I? I could have been a princess; or a queen, even. No matter. It seems like such a small sliver of my life now… fifteen short years, compared to the centuries I've lived as a vampire. Of course, it seems briefer than ever, after the experience of God's recapitulation… Let's see… I'd been entertaining suitors… sometimes up to four a day. Father said I was to be married before my 16th birthday. At the time, he was still in line for the Capetian throne, and my mother was certainly more popular with the ladies of the court than Queen Constance. Judging from the value of the dowries being offered, I was certain to follow in her footsteps.
My given name is Lucille Joséphine de Jeux Lafontaine, but you may call me Lucy. God turned me into a vampire almost a thousand years ago near Paris, in Beaugency. Had he not been there to catch me when I fell that fateful night, I would have died right then and there. Well, I did, actually; but you know what happened next.
Even though I know better now, of course, the 900 years I've spent taking care of him has left an indelible mark on my soul. In my mind, he will always be Juan Pedro Bolívar Dominguez, first and foremost: my sire; the amnesiac vampire who brought me back to life and opened up a whole new world to me. He is like a father to me and I miss him more than you could possibly know. Unless you've lived and loved for centuries, that is.
Can you hear me? I will keep talking, if you will keep listening.
Want More? Read Chapter 1 here: http://.i-brr.com/mybook/My_Book/1.html