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Pre-Order the TOTAL ASSHOLE satirical punk rock opera because this record's gonna be BIG! Like twelve inches!
Pre-Order the TOTAL ASSHOLE satirical punk rock opera because this record's gonna be BIG! Like twelve inches!
32 backers pledged $1,879 to help bring this project to life.

About this project

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$1,879

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Nerdface chumbawambas, the assholes have a groovy album to stuff into your pretty faces, and you can buy it before it’s officially on sale…. Right here, right now…. Ya dig? Pre-order TOTAL ASSHOLE and be a part of history with your first edition pressing. If nothing else, it’s an investment opportunity, ya big dingus. Blah blah blah we rule blah blah blah whatever Wednesday, buy our rock and roll before we perish as a race and are forgotten to the cruel inevitability of time. GIMME YO LUNCH MONEY YA BIG BABY

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TRACK LISTING (click the blue tracks for MUSIC VIDEOS!)

Side A

  • bangin up the company car 
  • double parked 
  • pumpin habaneros 
  • i ate your leftovers 
  • i threw out the bills 

Side B

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Risks and challenges

Vinyl is pretty rad but also pretty tricky stuff tbh, but is totally worth it because it will be BIG—like TOTAL ASSHOLE!! The jackets are going to be cool, like recycled trash with the new official TOTAL ASSHOLE™ band logo sprawled across it, like a soaring phoenix-eagle rising to the challenge of another flight of furious shredding blah blah blah. Some will be super special and have like a drawing like thing put on it by Steve “Scuba Steve” Schaberg, so buy one of those if you’re the type that likes to look at stuff and like the stuff you’re looking at. It will take like 10 weeks or more to make these things (at least that’s what “the big boys” say). If it comes a bit late, blame no one but the chump in the mirror, that’s right YOU, for not chilling out and knowing how to deal with it. It’s like if I were to throw milk at your face and watch in silence as it dripped to the floor. Rules say, if you cry, you’re a big baby and need to deal with it. Lesson complete. Anyway, we’re dead broke (read: invested in the habanero market atm) and don’t want test pressings or anything so we get what we get, get it? Got it! There’s a lot of risks and challenges with pressing vinyl. But then again, there’s a lot of risks and challenges with putting your pants on in the morning, especially when it comes to belts.

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  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $10 or more About $10

    Digital Download

    Get a digital download of the album—ONE WEEK EARLY! Comes with a bonus disc of exclusive material!

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    Pledge $20 or more About $20

    Vinyl Record!

    Get the album as it was meant to be heard and held!

    Comes with earlybird digital download + bonus disc of exclusive material.

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    Pledge $30 or more About $30

    Limited Edition Vinyl Record

    Get the Super Fancy LP with limited edition screenprinted art by Steve Schaberg!

    Comes with earlybird digital download + bonus disc of exclusive material.

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    Pledge $40 or more About $40

    Asshole Barbecue

    Get an VIP exclusive invite to a BBQ with the Assholes for a music video shoot, and a signed copy of the album on vinyl!

    Comes with earlybird digital download + bonus disc of exclusive material, and lots of high-fives.

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  5. Select this reward

    Pledge $50 or more About $50

    Custom Acoustic Song

    The Totally Abandoned Asshole will write and record a song solo-acoustic based on whatever you want it to be about!*

    AND you get the vinyl record AND you get the earlybird digital download AND the bonus disc!

    *The asshole reserves the right to not make a song about anything hateful or hurtful, don't even try it!

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    Pledge $75 or more About $75

    Custom FULL-BAND Song

    Total Asshole will write and record a song full-band based on whatever you want it to be about!*

    AND you get the vinyl record AND you get the earlybird digital download AND the bonus disc!

    *Total Asshole reserves the right to not make a song about anything hateful or hurtful, don't even try it!

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    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    Totally Abandoned HOUSE SHOW

    The asshole comes to your house* and plays a solo show for ya!
    Plus you get a signed vinyl LP for everyone who lives in yr house (up to 5 copies).

    AND you get the earlybird digital download AND the bonus disc!

    *You must live within a reasonable radius of Urbana, IL. If you're not sure what that is, message us.

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    Pledge $150 or more About $150

    BROUHAHA - ASSHOLE BREW DAY!

    Come to a Brew-Day with the Assholes!
    You and a friend (admit two, age-appropriate folks) come to the asshole's house in Urbana, IL (travel arrangements your responsibility) and learn all about the science and art of home brewing! Some pretty tight snacks and refreshments will be provided.

    Along with this class, you get the signed vinyl record AND you get the earlybird digital download AND the bonus disc!

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    Pledge $200 or more About $200

    TOTAL ASSHOLE House Show

    TOTAL ASSHOLE comes to your house* and plays a Full-Band punk rock show for you and all your friends! The band will also bring some pretty tight snacks and refreshments with them for everyone.

    Plus you get a signed vinyl LP for everyone who lives in yr house (up to 5 copies). AND you get the earlybird digital download AND the bonus disc!

    *You must live within a reasonable radius of Urbana, IL. If you're not sure what that is, message us.

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    Pledge $500 or more About $500

    MASTER ASSHOLE

    EVERYTHING WE HAVE LISTED HERE, YOU WILL OWN AND HAVE ACCESS TO.

    AND—SUPER DUPER limited items such as the master collection of scribbles, notes, footage, demos—anything and everything the band can scrape up from years past.

    MOST AMAZINGLY OF ALL: You get an ultra-rare, priceless, one-of-a-kind "Thank You" note from the asshole, who has never thanked anyone for anything ever in his entire miserable liife.

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Funding period

- (14 days)