(Concept art by the great Jacob Janerka, check out his newly released game Paradigm if you haven't already!)
I don't want to call you that, it's too impersonal. I will give you a name. The name will be a fine one, worthy of our friendship. You might be some Arbogast or another Hortense in your waking life, but in my heart of hearts you will always be Borgliddle. Let's do this thing again:
I am sorry that we don't talk often. Talking to me directly, the ignoble Firas, is quite difficult. The voices take over and I am helpless to resist. Chief among them is is the voice of the Ghost in a Bottle, a powerful being from another dimension (or is it the future? The mythos are unclear...) This entity is the malevolent chairman of a large corporation developing the so-called Octopus City Simulation Software. Ghost in a Bottle is the dominant voice, the one that entrusted me with this holy quest, but there are other voices as well. From concerned mothers to leet hackers, many voices speak through me and start to babble about the latest and greatest in Octopus City entertainment.
Look at me, wasting your precious time with this nonsense. I am sorry, I am a simple creature not accustomed to speaking to high-born dignitaries such as yourself, the magnificent and most honorable Borgliddle. I wanted to speak my mind, to tell you the truth about this cursed project, but instead I jot down all this meta garbage. Maybe I'm a little afraid of what I will have to say.
So let's talk about Octopus City Blues, a game ("Games are for kids and plebs", the Ghost in a Bottle protests) I have been developing for years. The voices will assure you that progress is made every day. They will fill your little head with dreams of mothers, beetles, and twisted tentacles.
Tentacles are so funny, aren't they? It's really easy to make tentacle jokes, tentacle puns, tentacle innuendo. The voices love talking about tentacles; whenever they want to cheer the Borgliddles up, they will write a tentacle joke or two. After all, everyone loves tentacles. Some misguided Borgliddles even go and write comments like "I don't even care if the game comes out as long as you keep writing tentacle jokes". You mean well, but you are feeding the beast.
Now, it's not a lie to say progress is made. Thanks to the voices, I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Centipede trains on fire off the shoulder of a giant robot. I watched a tentacle bloom in the dark near the Hotmog Colosseum's gate. These moments will not be lost in time. So I continue to slowly chip away at the purple tapestry that is Kaf's story. Believe me, dear Borgliddle, I am trying. Sometimes I fail and give in to temptation. Sometimes I... I... play a game or watch a movie. Sometimes... I even leave my underground bunker (it's not really a bunker. I was just trying to impress you.)
It's easy to tell myself to cut corners or to discard entire sections because the game must be released. It's not as easy to actually do it. The Octopus City of my nightmares is not a Bethesda kind of world. Every Octopus City quest has a large number of conditions, choices, and consequences. These quests require a lot of thought and planning, little Borgliddle, something beyond the capabilities of my underdeveloped reptile brain.
So, I wanted to say that I still have no idea when Octopus City Blues will be out. I mean, I do have ideas, but I've been wrong too many times. With that said, I wanted to give you some options, because Octopus City is all about options, and you are a wonderful humanoid who has supported me for years.
- Continue with the current pace. Not much changes. Although I am also trying to do something about my job situation to give more time to Octopus City Blues. It will take time, and I will continue trying to improve things, but don't complain if your mutant son is already old enough to assassinate you and take over your castle by the time the game is out.
- Split the game in two. Octopus City Blues was always a story in two largely distinct chapters, with the second and smaller chapter greatly shaped by all your choices in the first one. This option would result in getting to play something sooner (how soon? don't ask!), but it isn't a magic bullet; the experience of two separate parts is simply not the same as one combined game. One benefit is having more content in total as I get more time to implement a more substantial second chapter. Still, I can imagine some people would hate the whole idea with a passion.
- Give you back your money. I know it's weird to say this, but sometimes I wish I could simply give everyone their money back. This isn't because I plan to stop or slow down development. It's just that money is no longer the main issue and I don't want anyone to feel bad about their investment. Even if we decide to go with one of the options above, you can always send me an email asking for a refund.
Because I know you like bulleted lists so much, another way to look at these options is like this:
- Good for me, good for the game, probably bad for you
- Good for me, good/bad? for the game, probably good for you
- Good for me, doesn't matter for the game, probably good for you
I win regardless of your choice, and that's all that matters. To conclude this rant I invite you, cool beans Borg, to write down your opinion and to use this opportunity to vent your frustration and disappointment. Nothing is set in stone yet, so if you have other options I would also love to hear them.
By the way, regardless of what we end up doing I want to start having monthly updates, alternating between my own pathetic voice and one of the scary other voices whose tentacle jokes you all like so much. I promise I will not rant as much next time. It will be more like boring more technical progress updates vs. cool and educational corporate propaganda.
Now that I've written this wall of text interspersed with random images, safe in the knowledge that no one would actually read it, and happy that I did my Octopus City related thing for the day and I can go back to wasting my time, I bid you farewell and wish you the best on your own Octoblood-induced hallucination.