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After years of intense research and development we are proud to unveil the pinnacle of insult technology: Wooden Insults.
After years of intense research and development we are proud to unveil the pinnacle of insult technology: Wooden Insults.
After years of intense research and development we are proud to unveil the pinnacle of insult technology: Wooden Insults.
69 backers pledged $1,918 to help bring this project to life.

About this project

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$1,918

69

Imagine the joy in opening a personalized Wooden Insult that's been shipped directly to your door from Dog Might Games. The custom Insult engraving, "Sawdust Surprise" packaging, and mass-produced cheap envelope all scream attention to detail and provide the memory of a lifetime. Tears of joy will fall as you vacuum the sawdust off of the floor and apply ointment to the super burn you just received.

Now is your opportunity to give this experience to your friends, family, or most hated rival.

Our shop of fine craftsman will create a beautiful, personalized keepsake for the recipient of your choice. You can choose an existing insult from our designer curated Vault of Insults or supply your own insult for a more personal touch. Every Wooden Insult comes with your choice of font and decorative border ensuring that your affront will be presented according to your derision aesthetic.

Cherry with Boring Font and Fancy border.
Cherry with Boring Font and Fancy border.

Insult Guarantee

You can be sure that your Wooden Insult will have a negative aura from our intensive screening and degradation process. All lumber is hand selected by one of our Lumberjacks angrily working the required overtime to bring this project to life. Each and every Wooden Insult is guaranteed to be fully downtrodden and verbally skewered throughout every step of the process. No piece of wood will leave our shop with even a shred of self worth.

Mike insulting a beautiful piece of Bubinga.
Mike insulting a beautiful piece of Bubinga.

Specs  

Each Wooden Insult measures approximately 6" x 4" x 3/8". Each piece is laser engraved to your specs, barely sanded, and hastily dipped in some varnish. It will then be packed in a cheap envelope, filled with sawdust, and sent to the recipient of your choice from Dog Might Games.  All Wooden Insults will be anonymous.  If you want the recipient to know who sent it, engrave it on the Insult permanently and proudly.

Cherry with Boring Font and Turd border.
Cherry with Boring Font and Turd border.

   

Mike insulting raw lumber.
Mike insulting raw lumber.

Award Winning Packaging  

All wooden insults are packed in an envelope with our award winning "Sawdust Surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice in the US. (International shipping can be added as an add-on).

Hand collecting "Sawdust Surprise" packaging.
Hand collecting "Sawdust Surprise" packaging.

   

White Ash with Stencil Font and Bird border.
White Ash with Stencil Font and Bird border.

   

Dylan readying "Sawdust Suprise" packaging with appropriate profanity laden insults.
Dylan readying "Sawdust Suprise" packaging with appropriate profanity laden insults.

   

Insult Vault

Can't decide on the right insult? Choose one from our designer curated Insult Vault below.

  

White Ash with Boring font and no border.
White Ash with Boring font and no border.

Fonts  

All Wooden Insults come in your choice of font: Fancy Pants, Boring, or Stencil.

Flame Birch with Boring font and Turd border.
Flame Birch with Boring font and Turd border.

Borders  

All Wooden Insults come in your choice of border: Fancy, Doily, Turd, Bird, or Blank.

Black Walnut with Fancy Pants font and Fancy Border
Black Walnut with Fancy Pants font and Fancy Border

Post your Insults  

Community is a big part of Dog Might Games. To that end, we ask that you post your insult in the comments section so everyone can have a chance to choose the most scornful Wooden Insult available.

Zach preparing the lumber pile for milling.
Zach preparing the lumber pile for milling.

Pledge Tiers  

CHEAP WOODEN INSULT - $12. If you want to insult someone but don't want to spend much doing it, this tier's for you.  Your Wooden Insult will be made from White Ash in a Natural finish, with up up to 100 characters of text of your choice. it will then be packed in an envelope with our award winning "Sawdust Surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice.

White Ash with Fancy Pants font and Fancy border.
White Ash with Fancy Pants font and Fancy border.

WASTE OF MONEY WOODEN INSULT - $25. Insult your recipient with gorgeous, high end lumber.  This Wooden Insult comes in your choice of premium wood: Maple, Cherry, Padauk, Walnut, Benge, or Flame Birch. Up to 100 characters of text. Packed in an envelope with our award winning "Sawdust Surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice.

Padauk with Fancy Pants font and Doily border.
Padauk with Fancy Pants font and Doily border.

 

DICE BOX OF SHAME - $60. A Dog Might Dragon Sheath in Flame Birch with Natural finish engraved with an insult of your choice. Packed in a box with our award winning "sawdust surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice in the US.

 

PLAQUE OF DISHONOR-  $100. For the truly special insult, we've created this stunning piece of art.  This fully sculpted plaque comes in your choice of wood: Maple, Cherry, Padauk, Walnut, Benge, or Flame Birch. Includes wall hanger. Packed in an envelope with our award winning "Sawdust Surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice.

Plaque of Dishonor in Flame Birch with Boring font
Plaque of Dishonor in Flame Birch with Boring font

SCREAMING VIKING - $500. We will record a 2 minute video of everyone in the shop insulting your PLAQUE OF DISHONOR, post it online, and email it to the recipient. The plaque is fully sculpted in your choice of wood: Maple, Cherry, Padauk, Walnut, Benge, or Flame Birch. Packed in an box with our award winning "Sawdust Surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice.

BERSERKER RAID - $10,000. The entire Dog Might Team will travel anywhere in the domestic US, hand deliver your PLAQUE OF DISHONOR, and berate the recipient on your behalf for 20 minutes or until arrested, ending with a flourish of sawdust. The Team will then drink all of the recipient's mead and sleep on their lawn.

Add-ons

Fridge Magnets - $5. Display your insult proudly by adding 2 magnets to the back so it can be viewed on your fridge or any other metal surface. Except aluminum. Or copper. Or lead.

Leopardwood with Fancy Pants font and Fancy border.
Leopardwood with Fancy Pants font and Fancy border.

Wall Hanger - $5. Add a wall hanger to the back of your wooden insult  so they can hang their priceless treasure next to the family photos.  

Cherry with Fancypants Font and Fancy border.
Cherry with Fancypants Font and Fancy border.

Extra Fancy Boxed Sawdust Gift Wrapping - $10. We will package your Wooden Insult in a stupidly large box and fill it to the brim with our Award Winning "Sawdust Surprise" gift wrapping.  This will truly make your Wooden Insult the gift that keeps on giving as your recipient will find pieces of sawdust throughout their home for years to come.  

Padauk with Fancy Pants font and Doily border.
Padauk with Fancy Pants font and Doily border.

Stretch Goals  

We have committed to a variety of exciting stretch goals to help bring the project to life. Remember to share this project on Facebook and Twitter and get us some free advertising!  Imagine the pride your Grandma will feel upon seeing your post about this project on your FB page.

$219 - FUTURE INVESTMENT. Dog Might Employees will canvas the local area and insult 10 young saplings for future use in harvesting Wooden Insults.

Brian choking a local sapling.
Brian choking a local sapling.

$581 - DAY LONG INSULTS. For one full day of work, every comment spoken to the shop foreman, Puzz Longbeard, will be an insult. Puzz will then write a heartfelt note on how he felt at the end of the day and post it as an update. He will finish the day by crying himself to sleep on his tear stained pillow.  

Puzz Longbeard, the shop foreman, receiving the very first Wooden Insult ever.
Puzz Longbeard, the shop foreman, receiving the very first Wooden Insult ever.

$25,004 - INSULT DOCUMENTARY. Dog Might will professionally produce a 3 minute video documenting the creation of a wooden insult from strangling full logs to berating hand picked lumber to shipping the insult to your recipient while muttering profanities.  

The Dog Might Team "group insulting" a finished Wooden Insult.
The Dog Might Team "group insulting" a finished Wooden Insult.

$1,000,000,000 - A LIFE OF INSULTS. All Dog Might employees will only speak in insults for the rest of their pathetic lives.   

The Dog Might Team. Not shown: Brian and Jess because they are working overtime on Wooden Insults.
The Dog Might Team. Not shown: Brian and Jess because they are working overtime on Wooden Insults.

Gaming Gear  

We craft a huge variety of fully customizable gear for all of your gaming needs. From Deck Boxes, to Adventure Cases, to Dragon Sheaths, we have you covered. Check out our full product line of Kick Ass Gaming Gear at www.dogmight.com

   

   

   

Risks and challenges

All of our Wooden Insults are made by our small group of full time Lumberjack Vikings. We are passionate about our work and know that quality comes first. Everything we make has been battle tested and is guaranteed to last a lifetime. We routinely handle high volumes of orders and have completed a butt load of Kickstarter projects already, and are looking forward to producing billions of Wooden Insults over the coming years.

Check out the full product line at www.dogmight.com

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  1. Reward no longer available

    Pledge $1 or more About $1.00

    INSULT US WITH YOUR LACK OF GENEROUSITY

    Guaranteed to hurt our feelings. You won't get anything except the updates. If we get 7 pledges here, this ridiculous project will fund!

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    Reward no longer available 6 backers
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  2. Select this reward

    Pledge $12 or more About $12

    CHEAP WOODEN INSULT

    White Ash in Natural finish, up to 100 characters of text of your choice. Packed in an envelope with our award winning "sawdust surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice in the US. International shipping can be added as an add-on.

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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Limited 34 backers
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  3. Select this reward

    Pledge $25 or more About $25

    WASTE OF MONEY WOODEN INSULT

    Your choice of premium wood: Maple, Cherry, Oak, Padauk, Walnut, Benge, or Flame Birch. Up to 100 characters of text. Packed in an envelope with our award winning "sawdust surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice in the US. International shipping can be added as an add-on.

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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Limited 20 backers
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  4. Select this reward

    Pledge $60 or more About $60

    THE DICE BOX OF SHAME

    A Dog Might Dragon Sheath in Flame Birch with Natural finish engraved with an insult of your choice. Packed in a box with our award winning "sawdust surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice in the US.

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    Limited 3 backers
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  5. Select this reward

    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    PLAQUE OF DISHONOR

    Fully sculpted plaque with your choice of wood: Maple, Cherry, Oak, Padauk, Walnut, Benge, or Flame Birch. Includes wall hanger. Packed in an envelope with our award winning "sawdust surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice in the US. International shipping can be added as an add-on.

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    Limited 3 backers
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  6. Select this reward

    Pledge $500 or more About $500

    SCREAMING LUMBERJACK

    We will record a 2 minute video of everyone in the shop insulting your piece of wood and post it online, and email it to the recepient. The plaque is fully sculpted in your choice of wood: Maple, Cherry, Oak, Padauk, Walnut, Benge, or Flame Birch. Packed in an envelope with our award winning "sawdust surprise" gift wrapping and shipped to an address of your choice in the US. International shipping can be added as an add-on.

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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Limited 0 backers
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    Pledge $10,000 About $10,000

    LUMBERJACK RAID

    The entire Dog Might Team will travel anywhere in the domestic US, hand deliver your MYTHIC wooden insult, and berate the recepient on your behalf for 20 minutes or until arrested, ending with a flourish of sawdust. The Team will then drink all of the recipient's mead and sleep on their lawn.

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    Limited 0 backers
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Funding period

- (10 days)