Forge of Honor Dating Service
Single Geeks, Nerds and LARPers around the world have been telling us they love our product, and wish they had kids so they could support us. Never fear! We’ve got a solution: We’re starting the Forge of Honor Dating Service to hook up single Geeks, Nerds and LARPers looking to make babies so they can buy our product! Since making babies will take at least ten months, we’ve got to get busy! If you have already sired offspring, please pass this along to your single friends, or buy a set yourself and play matchmaker.
Announcing the adults-only, RED vs. GREEN, FOUR on FOUR Kickstarter-only dating game.
You would find out about this game sooner or later when you have kids, because older brothers and sisters are born with a tormenting instinct and it just comes naturally to them. When two or more players are both outfitted with a Forge of Honor sword, shield and Targimal, you can try to knock each other’s Targimal off his perch. Since you are a consenting adult, you can play this game in teams. We’ve always been hesitant to publicize this rather fun game because you MUST WEAR SHOCK-ABSORBING GOGGLES. These swords are very soft, they are pillows after all. Human eyes, however, are not meant to be in contact with anything of a plushie nature, no matter how soft. Wildly flailing while focusing on your opponent’s Targimal can lead to inadvertent swings that could graze an eye.
Kickstarter-only dating special
We will never make this officially part of the Forge of Honor story. This is a Kickstarter- only, adult special for grownups who have a fun-loving, child-at-heart spirit (and enough like-minded friends) to play. It is a favor to our single friends who said they would support us if only they had kids.
The plan begins...
Purchase our Forge of Honor Dating Service Special and wait for it to arrive. You will get 4 SETS of the RED DRAGON TANG and his matching red Bordor Blades and Shields. And 4 SETS of the GREEN ELEPHANT POING and his matching Bordor Blades and Shields. You will also receive 8 shock-absorbing goggles and 2 battle standards.
Invite at least seven of your single friends over. If you invite more there will be extra time to talk on the sidelines. Avoid pre-established couples and those "it's complicated" folks.
Arrange yourselves into 2 teams of 4 members each, one red team and one green team. If there is an individual you are attracted to, you must try to be on the same team! You can try to get thrown out of the match early, and discuss things from the sidelines.
Laying the foundation
Do not bring up child rearing yet. You might causally say something like, “I’ve always wanted to sire offspring with someone who could appreciate the simple things in life.” If you live with your parents, do not bring this up no matter how much money you are saving or how fast you are paying down your student loan. If you happen to have a brother or sister who has sired offspring, you may say something like, “I just love babysitting my brother’s kids. I have so much money saved up to buy a house, I just lavish them with gifts.”
It is always a bad idea to play Boys vs. Girls. This didn’t work for you in Elementary School, it’s not going to work now. Be aware of Nash Equilibrium. It is never an optimal solution for all members of the same sex to focus and compete for the single most attractive member of the opposite sex. Play down and you won’t be disappointed (unless you have imaginary friends like Nash).
Remember the large, shock-absorbing goggles will level the playing field for everyone, and it’s your personality's time to shine! Excessive pouting and/or angry outbursts will be seen as signs of poor parenting potential -- please avoid.
The rules of Whack-A-’Mal are fairly simple.
- Arrange yourself into 2 teams of 4 members each. Choose matching colors.
- A designated crier shouts, “Off with their Targimals!” and the game begins.
- If your Targimal is knocked off your shield -- you are out!
- The last team with a Targimal still on its shield WINS.
- Your shield should never cross behind the plain of your shoulders — no hiding the shield behind your back.
- You should always target the Targimal, no other human body part.
What you get
You get 4 SETS of the RED DRAGON TANG and his matching red Bordor Blades and Shields. And 4 SETS of the GREEN ELEPHANT POING and his matching Bordor Blades and Shields.
We will throw in 1 RED BATTLE STANDARD and 1 GREEN BATTLE STANDARD (mounting poles not included). These will be hand-made and hand-painted of cartoonish quality.
We will throw in 2 EXTRA TARGIMALS (one red, one green), because you are abusing them in a way a child would not.
We are including 8 SETS of face-obscuring SHOCK-ABSORBING GOGGLES (DEWALT DPG82-11C or similar) with RED and GREEN straps replacing the standard issue black straps.
You will also receive a RED vs. GREEN score book for the Forge of Honor Dating Game.
Total retail value approx. $900 with 8 sets, 2 extra Targimals, 2 battle standard and 8 goggles included.
For supervised adult play ONLY. This will never, ever be sold in retail because our target audience is kids, not adults. This is a Kickstarter ONLY reward for all you geeky gamers supporting us. (You can mix and match sets if you really want to but your standards and scorebook will be red and green).
Hurry only 12 of these amazing Forge of Honor Dating Service specials will be available.