Funded! This project was successfully funded on October 17, 2012.


This project is about giving me money to fund a five-minute RPG called Funeral. I bet you will tolerate it.

Things removed for reasons!

EDIT: FULLY FUNDED as of 9/25/2012

Now that I am fully funded, I wanted to throw up some brainstorm excitements so that you can start anticipating this game a few months out from its actual release. I need to see those gossip columns rumbling, people. Will there be a Girlfriend Mode? Nope! Will I take a radical stance on the War in Afghanistan? Nope to that too! 

The Final Game, or Thanks For The Money

There is very little of Funeral that actually exists at this point. I have figured out how to make four-directional movement work with minimal stress. Here are some of the things that will be added between now and release.

Absolute Lack of Customization: You don't get to choose your main character. It is a lot of time out of my life to create multiple main character sprites, and to be honest, I have no idea how I would create a character selection screen. It just isn't going to happen.

Some NPCs: It is a lot of work to create unique NPCs. There might be, like, two in the final game. Old Baldy McWhiteguy and Nice Woman of Indeterminate Ethnic Origin.

Party Development: Five minute RPGs don't really have time for party development. There will probably be a mechanic where your "ability to hold yourself together because of extreme sadness" meter goes down in small but noticable increments.

An Ending: The game might just crash Chrome at the end.

Incredibly Deep Meta Game: Multiple endings. Your choices really matter. Visceral combat. Realistic romance options, but only for cis straight white men. You're telling me you were mean to a potted plant in the opening cinematic when the QTE kicked in? You can't get the best ending.

Soundtrack: There will be one long, droning sound that serves as a soundtrack. I will probably record other things, too, like the dishwasher and some cats purring.


You might know me from things that I write on this cage is worms. You might not know me if you don't know me from there, which is fine. 

I am running this Kickstarter to fund a game that I am, tentatively, calling Funeral. The basic concept of the game is that it will be a five to ten minute RPG about going to a funeral. It is patterned off of the opening of Dragon Warrior, a game that I last played like twenty years ago. But I have fond memories.

What is the $200 for? Time, mostly. Having to make a product because someone gave me money for it is a prime motivating factor. More than that, the $200 pays for late-night coffee. It is also an amazing excuse for working on the project--when I am invited out or expected to participate in social activities, I will say "Sorry chaps, I owe a game to some consumers!" So when I say that I would like $200 to make Funeral, what I am saying is that this Kickstarter is going to be used to push Funeral out in a timely manner. It is going to fund the development of the project and subsidize the things I do in my life during the development time.

You should look at the Rewards to get a better sense of what each tier means, but I am going to be open with you: I am going to make this game and release it for free. Much like my previous games, Or, What Is It Like To Be A Thing? and Smash The Patriarchy!, I am going to put it on the internet, point people to it, and let it wallow in obscurity after an initial push of 100 plays or so. I think that is pretty awesome. The reward tiers are there so that people who want extra things can pay for them.

So the game will be made anyway. It will be free, no matter what. However, if this kickstarter makes, it will be created and released at a slightly faster pace.

The game is going to be made in Construct 2, a game making program that exports things to HTML5. I bought the bloody license for it, so I am going to use it. Music will be made by me (it will be terrible). Art will be made by me (it will not be pretty).

What will the game be like? It we be like the first five to ten minutes of Dragon Warrior, I told you already. But, hopefully, it will also use the simple game mechanics of early RPGs to thing about loss and how normative ways of dealing with grief are forced on people. 

I think this is a moment where I am supposed to list off influences. That isn't to say that my game will be like the games that these people make, but that I think that these people are doing it right somehow: Merrit Kopas, Anna Anthropy, Increpare. I can't think of any other people right now. I am not slighting you. I think you're great, I promise.

Look at this OutSlide that I made to illustrate my visions and dreams.

You can look at stuff I have made before at


  • Yes, I am very much fo realz in that I want $200 to fund my game. At the same time, I think most kickstarters are the worst things in the universe. I combined my desires into one terrible thing.

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    8 backers

    You gave me a dollar. Thank you. You, like everyone else, will get to play the game when I put it on the internet. Congratulations. You are a beautiful person.

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    13 backers

    You gave me five dollars. Thank you. You, like everyone else, will get to play the game when I put it on the internet. Congratulations. You are roughly five times more beautiful than the person who gave me a dollar. Do not tell them I said that.

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    3 backers

    I cannot believe you are giving me ten dollars. Thank you. Refer back to the boilerplate from the previous two reward tiers to get a feel for your reward. I will make a game. You will get to play it. I will deliver one (1) warm feeling directly to the center of your heart (metaphysical presence of heartspace not guaranteed.) You are beautiful, also.

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    8 backers

    This tier has a reward outside of merely getting what the people of the world will get for free--I will write you a letter and mail it to you. I will include a drawing; it will probably be bad. I am not good at art. Also, the price of a stamp will probably be like $35 by the time I write the letter, so I'm taking a loss here. You are a beautiful and more materially rich person than the previous tiers.

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    0 backers

    In addition to getting the game that I will release into the wilds of the internet (TM) for free, I will also mail you one random comic book that I no longer want. Additionally, I will write you a letter, which will contain between one (1) and three (3) drawings, the majority of which will be unappealing. I will probably just stuff an envelope full of random things and mail it to you, honestly. You are more materially wealthy, and therefore better, than all of the tier participants previous to this one.

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    You did it. We can all go home now. Thank you for making this work. My game will probably be better. I will stuff a slightly larger envelope full of things I don't want anymore. This could include old electronics cables, graphic novels, "real" novels, a personalized letter, a form letter, and the scribbled notes I make on the stolen hotel pad that serves as my continual design document. You are a Kickstarter one-percenter. You are the most beautiful person.

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Funding period

- (30 days)