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A deplorable tabletop game devoid of joy, hope, or humor; which, regrettably, is also far more awesome than it has any right to be.
Not all gifts are made for Christmas. Endangered Orphans is a deplorable, yet awesome tabletop game, coming soon. In the meantime, you can p2p now at certifiablegames.com/eoprint
Not all gifts are made for Christmas. Endangered Orphans is a deplorable, yet awesome tabletop game, coming soon. In the meantime, you can p2p now at certifiablegames.com/eoprint
7,305 backers pledged $355,970 to help bring this project to life.

About this project

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Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove

$355,970

7,305

 

Endangered Orphans is a 1 to 4 player hybrid card game /slash/ board game/slash/horrible game that really should be ignored at all costs. 

Unless you enjoy fun strategy games that are challenging without being difficult to learn. In which case, you should not ignore this game for the cost of $25 plus shipping.

So, if you are willing to spend money on a tragically enjoyable game, remember: 

 A PLEA FROM THE CREATORS

 

 

 

 

CLICK TO DOWNLOAD 2-3 PLAYER CORE GAME RULES
CLICK TO DOWNLOAD 2-3 PLAYER CORE GAME RULES

 

                       

 

 

 

YOUR BASIC, POORLY SHOT GAME WALK-THROUGH VIDEO:

 

 

 

 

 

  
If link is dead, 1)write Kickstarter & say "WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOUR STUPID HTML EDITOR?" then go to http://certifiablegames.com/old-stretch.jpg
If link is dead, 1)write Kickstarter & say "WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOUR STUPID HTML EDITOR?" then go to http://certifiablegames.com/old-stretch.jpg

 

 


FIRST ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! FOOLS!

SECOND ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! SEE WHAT YOU WILL DO WITH THIS!

THIRD ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! TIME TO GET PERSONALLY INVOLVED.

FOURTH ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! GO SIT ALONE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

FIFTH ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! BEHOLD: OUR GREATEST INVENTION EVER!!!

SIXTH ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! BEST. BONUS CARD. EVER. SORTA.

BEHOLD! THE END OF THE ANTI-STRETCH GOALS! THAT'LL DO, BACKERS. THAT'll DO.

SO LONG. FAREWELL. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN... 

 

Tweet photo proofs to @WeRCertifiable or on our Facebook whatsit.*Certifiable Studios has NO affiliation or association with these Kickstarter Games/Campaigns. We just think they are cool and really think you people should put your money towards something worth while for a change. ONE NIGHT ULTIMATE ALIEN: http://kck.st/2bUbDXa NO HONOR AMONG THIEVES: http://kck.st/2bXmJdZ FAMILY PLOTS : http://kck.st/2cHVtAT **TWEET OR FACEBOOK PHOTO PROOF OF STAMPED, SEALED LETTER TO EXPEDITE UNLOCK

ADD-ONS, FOR LACK OF A BETTER TERM, ARE GOOD...

 

 

 

Risks and challenges

Here you are, reading into the depths of this hopeless campaign, despite the surplus of warnings, atrocities, and opportunities to simply turn away. Risk and Challenges, it would seem, are not concepts you consider intimidating. It is only fair, therefore, that we attempt to match your perseverance, and admit our own shortcomings and limitations. After all, should you choose to cast aside your own safety for the sake of The Orphans, the least we can do is tell you how we, personally, may well screw this up for you and for them.

Being skillful and unapologetic pessimists, we have assumed few to none would be foolish enough to back this doomed venture. As such, a base funding goal of $4,097 was set, a minuscule pittance for some, but a seemingly insurmountable goal for The Orphans.

Shipping, of course, would be entrusted to the good people at USPS, UPS, or, depending on the final funding amount, a fulfillment company.

Endangered Orphans will use EU friendly shipping. Alternatively, the value of the game will be listed at a reduced sales cost, matching the reward level you may have chosen, allowing the minimum threshold for Import duty and VAT to be charged in many countries. Of course, we can't assure an unpleasant plague, insidious virus, or fluid-sapping arachnids won't also hitch a ride with the packages, as they all want to do. But, again, you aren't one to concern yourself with petty risks.

Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove has been painstakenly, even painfully, playtested by groups ranging in age from far too old to care to far too young to understand. Though not all were completely enthralled by the activities, not one person broke out in any form or rash, expired from mysterious causes, or found fit to physically assault or belittle us, and thus we feel comfortable saying that, at the very least, that it plays as promised and is unlikely to cause you death, though far be it from us to jinx anything.

Furthermore, all of the artwork, accessories, and pre-press deliverables have been completed and the final game is ready to be manufactured at the very moment the campaign concludes, a rare show of optimism on our part. In keeping with that uncharacteristic idealism, we feel that the full, fast, incident free delivery of all pre-stretch goal deliverables is within reach.

In the event of a legitimate miracle that allows us to reach any of our preposterous stretch goals, we will unquestionably provide constant and detailed updates on not only our steps to assure full and pleasant delivery of the promised rewards, but also of our utter and complete shock and humble outpouring of gratitude and indebtedness. Also, perhaps, our in-depth investigation into who may be behind such a cruel hoax.

In summation, we feel that there is nothing we have promised that we can not deliver, if in fact we find that others, like you, so choose to put your own happiness on hold for the sake of imaginary, illustrated Orphans.

Bless you all, and good luck.

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Support this project

  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $1 or more About $1.00

    THE “LEAST WE CAN DO” LEVEL

    For those asking “what’s the LEAST I can do to help The Orphans?”, here is your answer. For $1 (or, if you are feeling magnanimous, a few dollars more) your name will be added to our Endangered Orphans online memorial wall. Never has doing so little meant so much to so few.

    Includes:
    • Personalized Cove Card on The Orphan Memorial Wall
    • The pride of helping without actually BUYING Endangered Orphans.
    • For $1 extra, we'll use a fake name so no one knows you helped
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  2. Reward no longer available

    Pledge $25 or more About $25

    THE "SAVE AN ORPHAN " LEVEL

    One copy of Endangered Orphans, including all stretch goals and all the heartache and guilt that comes from knowing you shouldn’t be having this much fun sending make-believe children off to their doom for the low, sadly fair price of $25.

    Includes:
    • Copy of Endangered Orphans Game
    • Eternal gratefulness of any surviving Orphans of Condyle Cove
    • Likely ridicule of game enthusiasts who learned you backed us
    • In the unlikely event we reach any, all stretch goals or unlocks
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Reward no longer available 421 backers
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  3. Select this reward

    Pledge $25 or more About $25

    THE "ORPHAN WORTH SAVING" LEVEL

    One copy of Endangered Orphans, including all stretch goals and all the heartache and guilt that comes from knowing you shouldn’t be having this much fun sending make-believe children off to their doom for the low, sadly fair price of $25.

    Includes:
    Copy of Endangered Orphans Game
    Eternal gratefulness of any surviving Orphans of Condyle Cove
    Likely ridicule of game enthusiasts who learned you backed us
    In the unlikely event we reach any, all stretch goals or unlocks

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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    4,627 backers
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  4. Select this reward

    Pledge $55 or more About $55

    THE "DO YOU SPEAK ORPHAN?" LEVEL

    FRENCH, GERMAN or SPANISH VERSION:
    One Copy of Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove Game including all unlocked stretch goals, plus game cards and all 3 booster packs translated for the language of your choosing. Choose from French, German or Spanish in the Pledge Manager at the end of the campaign.
    Only Cards and Rules will be translated to your preferred Language. All other items such as (but not limited to) mats and unlocked Stretch Goals will be in their original English text.

    Includes:
    • Copy of Endangered Orphans Game (English)
    • Endangered Orphans Game Cards (Chosen Language)
    • Last Winter of Benny Harris Expansion Cards (Chosen Language)
    • All 3 Booster Packs (Chosen Language)
    • Downloadable PDF Rules (Chosen Language)
    • All Other Unlocked Stretch Goals (English)
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    315 backers
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  5. Reward no longer available

    Pledge $60 or more About $60

    THE "FAIRLY SKETCHY" LEVEL

    Get not only the game, but also a customized, just for you, no one else gets one like it original SKETCH by our pretentious illustrator, Jesse Labbe'. Plus the actual, real-life signatures of all those responsible for this unpleasant game so that you will know who directly to blame for this tragedy.

    Includes:
    • Copy of Endangered Orphans Game
    • Original, hand-drawn sketch by Jesse' Labbe.
    • Signed Game Box by those responsible for The Endangered Orphans
    • The embarrassment of explaining whose signatures these are.
    • In the unlikely event we reach any, all stretch goals or unlocks
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Reward no longer available 20 backers
    $
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  6. Select this reward

    Pledge $70 or more About $70

    THE "GREEDY BASTARDS" LEVEL

    Get not only the game, but also the Kickstarter exclusive KILLING PARENTLESS CHILDREN early draft game, plus three booster packs, including the KS exclusive BENEATH THE COVE booster that you can only get in this tier.
    *For those of you already in Premium Tiers (Fairly Sketchy, Twice As Tragic, What Do I Get for $97, You Can Only Save 7, Adopt an Orphan, or Orphan's Dozen) you will get the Beneath The Cove booster free with the purchase of two add on booster packs.

    Includes:
    • Copy of Endangered Orphans Game
    • Copy of the KS Exclusive game Killing Parentless Children
    • Mr. Coleman's Carnival of Captivating Curiosities Booster Pack
    • Somewhere Down Lexington Dr. Booster Pack
    • Beneath the Cove Booster Pack - KS Exclusive
    • Likely ridicule of game enthusiasts who learned you backed us
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    1,685 backers
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  7. Reward no longer available

    Pledge $80 or more About $80

    The "Twice as Tragic" Collectors Deck

    TWO copies of The Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove game, including the individually autographed Kickstarter exclusive edition deck with alternate Options and Cove Cards back designs. Jesse called this The "Honestly, Who Would Pay Extra For This??" Deck. But Kickstarter only allowed 40 characters for reward titles.

    Includes:
    • Copy of Endangered Orphans Game
    • Autographed Kickstarter Exclusive Limited Edition Deck
    • Jesse's sincere shock that you would willingly pay extra for this
    • In the unlikely event we reach any, all stretch goals or unlocks
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Reward no longer available 23 backers
    $
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  8. Reward no longer available

    Pledge $97 or more About $97

    THE "WHAT DO I GET FOR $97?" LEVEL

    One backer will get something for pledging $97. Just that one person, though. Seriously. What will they get, you ask? Well, just you wait. Oh, yes. Just you wait. (Note, it's probably best if you don't wait. It's not likely to be that cool.)

    Includes:
    • Copy of Endangered Orphans Game
    • In the unlikely event we reach any, all stretch goals or unlocks
    • Super secret something exclusively for one (1) backer.
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Reward no longer available 1 backer
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  9. Select this reward

    Pledge $140 or more About $140

    THE "YOU CAN ONLY SAVE 7" LEVEL

    Seven (7) copies of Endangered Orphans, including all stretch goals and all the guilt that comes from knowing you are spreading the misery to so many others for the sadly fair price of $20 each.

    Includes:
    (7) Copies of Endangered Orphans Game
    and the knowledge that at least 7 orphans will be saved (while up to 21 die).
    All stretch goals or unlocks that are sadly reached.

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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    7 backers
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  10. Reward no longer available

    Pledge $225 or more About $225

    ADOPT AN ORPHAN LEVEL

    Work with Jesse to custom write/draw at least one original OPTIONS card that all who play the game will know you are directly responsible for. Be eternally blamed for this horrible travesty of table topping entertainment. And, of course, get the game and the original sketch.

    Includes:
    • Your own personalized, hand-drawn card included in all games
    • Copy of Endangered Orphans Game
    • In the unlikely event we reach any, all stretch goals or unlocks
    • Personalized Cove Card on The Orphan Memorial Wall
    • Life-long stigma of creative attachement to Endangered Orphans
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    Reward no longer available 4 backers
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  11. Select this reward

    Pledge $240 or more About $240

    THE "ORPHAN'S DOZEN" LEVEL

    Thirteen (13) copies of Endangered Orphans, including all stretch goals and all the guilt that comes from knowing you are spreading the misery to so many others for the sadly fair price of $18.46 each.

    Includes:
    (13) Copies of Endangered Orphans Game
    and the knowledge that at least 13 orphans will be saved (while up to 39 die).
    All stretch goals or unlocks that are sadly reached.

    Less
    Estimated delivery
    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    6 backers
    $
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  12. Select this reward

    Pledge $585 or more About $585

    THE "MULTILINGUAL BOOGEYMAN" LEVEL

    FRENCH, GERMAN or SPANISH VERSION:
    Thirteen (13) Copies of Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove Game including all unlocked stretch goals, plus game cards and all 3 booster packs translated for the language of your choosing. Choose from French, German or Spanish in the Pledge Manager at the end of the campaign.
    Only Cards and Rules will be translated to your preferred Language. All other items such as (but not limited to) mats and unlocked Stretch Goals will be in their original English text.

    Includes:
    • 13× Copy of Endangered Orphans Game (English)
    • 13× Endangered Orphans Game Cards (Chosen Language)
    • 13× Last Winter of Benny Harris Expansion Cards (Chosen Language)
    • 13× All 3 Booster Packs (Chosen Language)
    • 13× Downloadable PDF Rules (Chosen Language)
    • 13× All Other Unlocked Stretch Goals (English)
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    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    2 backers
    $
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Funding period

- (45 days)