Share this project

Done

Share this project

Done
A deplorable tabletop game devoid of joy, hope, or humor; which, regrettably, is also far more awesome than it has any right to be.
A deplorable
tabletop game devoid of joy, hope, or humor; which, regrettably, is also far
more awesome than it has any right to be.
A deplorable tabletop game devoid of joy, hope, or humor; which, regrettably, is also far more awesome than it has any right to be.
7,305 backers pledged $355,970 to help bring this project to life.

The MOST IMPORTANT UPDATED you will EVER read

25 likes

Good morning. We awoke to see the following comments... ones that echo so many we have seen before: 

we also get a lot of "you guys should spel check" comments
we also get a lot of "you guys should spel check" comments
Oh no, no our dear friends. 

There should be no shame. Feel no remorse. This morning you woke up only seeking to find solace in the confounds of a crowd funding world. Like some nearly 900 others before you, you each made a pledge likely on some kind of whim... perhaps, even on some kind of self-inflicted dare. 

You see the words "Orphans" and "Endangered" and a series of events happen. 

Amusement. Outrage. Remorse. 

For some they come in that order. For others they are acceding. For a handful, those emotions are stacked one upon the other like a conflicting club sandwich of sentiment served with a dill passion spear and a side of french fried culpability.

so you don't have to open a new browsing tab
so you don't have to open a new browsing tab
 

Perhaps that is because our first and understandable reaction is to view Endangered Orphans, like one online reviewer, as a game of self-preservation or even of malice towards our fellow Game Enthusiasts, presented metaphorically via Jesse's illustrated allegories of oppressed underdogs. 

But those emotions would be misplaced. That assumption ill gotten. In fact, Condyle Cove is not a battleground of gratuitous gain. The hills, alleys, creeks and towns of the Cove are not cesspools of self-interests*. 

Quite the contrary, the cove is a harvesting field for compassion. 
*you're probably thinking of Hot Topic
*you're probably thinking of Hot Topic
 

The fact of the matter is the options thrust upon each of you while playing Endangered Orphans will provide equal opportunity for backers to rise to the aid of these Orphans just as much as the occasion to shove them from a cliff or drive them to Kiddie Corner where the jowls of sorrow and madness wait agape in the face of the Boogeyman. 

But see, that's just the thing. Though he takes multiple forms, the Boogeyman is just that... a single man. Not an army of atrocities, but a single servant of sorrow. No match is he against the unity of our 900 plus backers.

 

voice in your head reference
voice in your head reference

 No matter what our original motivation... no matter what joy or humor we may find in the dark and quirky presentation of this campaign, the Boogeyman can not cast the shadows of shame upon us when we stand united in the light of laughter and the neon glow of gaming brother and sisterhood. And together we are sending a clear message: We are, each and every one of us, anti-eating-Orphans. If eating Orphans is not wrong, then nothing is wrong.

Except Netflix's Fuller House. That @#$%'s never going to be right.
Except Netflix's Fuller House. That @#$%'s never going to be right.

And though we are on the precipice of the dreaded Kickstarter Valley... though backing has slowed and funding has leveled out... well, backers... we haven't a thing to say. Played a great campaign...all of you. But we're going to tell you something now we've kept to ourselves for years -- None of you ever knew our original model for the Orphans. His name was Skippy. 

We think Skippy was a boy. Eh, whatever makes you feel more empathetic.
We think Skippy was a boy. Eh, whatever makes you feel more empathetic.

We'll never forget the last thing he said to us one winter before he/she vanished from our lives. 

"Certifiable sirs" it said "sometime, when the Kickstarter community is down -- and the stretch goals seem insurmountable - tell them to jump on twitter and facebook and whatever social media has been invented at the time and have them tell their friends with expendable income and a credit card to dig in deep and spend some for the Skipster." 

So join us in feeling not shame... but pride in what we create here together! And should we surpass our goals, this Kickstarter campaign will no longer be be known as Certifiable's campaign... but as the campaign where the world wide web declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the comments section! We will not click away without a pledge! We’re going to contribute! We’re going to push on!

Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Sons of Secret Hitler, of Scythe, our family! We see in your eyes the same conflict that would take the heart of us. A day may come when the courage of Kickstarter fails, when we forsake these Orphans and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not these next 40 days! 

Don't cry for us Crowdfunders... the truth is, the Orphans never left you! Oh, yes, we can make it now... the pain is gone! All of the bad feelings have disappeared!!! 

So do not simply read this post and move on in doubt... Hold your head up high. Copy paste the link to this campaign. Send it on to any and all friends you may have... find a co-worker who left Facebook open on their computer and send it to their friends! 

And the moment anyone says "I'm not sure Endangered Orphans for me... " You look them right in the text message... and you reply to them: 

 "Endangered Orphans is for all of us."

 Thank you, dear friends. And may Orphans bless us all! 

-Opie, Rick & Jesse

 (you may stop the Youtube video. Or don't. It's a free internet.)

Gs_topcow, Mark Donnelly, and 23 more people like this update.

Comments

Only backers can post comments. Log In
    1. Certifiable Studios 4-time creator on August 27, 2016

      @Alvin Helms

      That's all it takes, Alvin. One person to care. One Orphan saved... One less Boogeyman meal.

      By the laws of hero dynamics, the greatest heroes are born of turmoil and Orphanage... perhaps the Orphan you save will be the next Bruce Wayne. The next Luke Skywalker. The next those kids from Escape to Witch Mountain.

    2. Alvin Helms
      Superbacker
      on August 27, 2016

      Although Fate has doomed the others, I can only hope that my intervention will help save that one poor, innocent orphan — that one who, against all odds, has a chance to survive and live for another day. Oh, cruel Fate! Oh, cruel Boogeyman!

    3. Certifiable Studios 4-time creator on August 26, 2016

      @Adam Fenerty The media & content writer for Certifiable thanks you. He is also very handsome and cool... just check the FAQ.

      @cdmarine
      Jesse has developed a genuinely awesome P&P Game (to be released soon via our online store that doesn't exist yet at our website that just "sorta" exists (we're working on "existing"))

      Point is, your noted advice is something he had been considering, and it's good to get your input... making them conform perfectly to Avery-style Business card templates, for instance.

      As for an E.O. P&P... will let Jesse speak of that, as it's his area... BUT the ideas we have been tossing around? Pretty cool, I think.

      But then... I'm easily amused. For instance, we just spent an hour super gluing all Rick's stationary and desk accessories TO his desk. SO FUN.

      -Opie

    4. cdREGRETmarine
      Superbacker
      on August 26, 2016

      I should add to my previous P&P suggestion: if you guys do end up putting together a P&P, you should consider doing a low-ink version. The cards for this game are very dark, and that's pretty rough on the home printer.

      Even if you don't do a low-ink version, though, still put some thought into formatting for the home printer. Some game developers just offer up the pile of art files they send to the manufacturer, and that is not user-friendly for the home printer. 8.5x11 pdfs, 300dpi, card backs on separate pages from card fronts (so people who are just printing one side and sleeving don't have to waste ink on stuff they're not using), etc.

      Also, please do a P&P?

    5. Adam Fenerty
      Superbacker
      on August 26, 2016

      I awoke to this resounding piece of literary inspiration, that I somehow inspired in itself. I await the chance to be able to help these little orphans, stave off the Boogie Man and induce awe upon my friends as we play along, may we all be Certifiable as One!

    6. cdREGRETmarine
      Superbacker
      on August 26, 2016

      Print & Play is usually the go-to option for indie game developers who don't have established relationships with the places who do local distribution abroad. That gives people for whom shipping is prohibitive an affordable option.

    7. Certifiable Studios 4-time creator on August 26, 2016

      @Webkeeper - The shipping is set for $5 US / $10 EU Friendly / $20 Asia, Australia, NZ. We unfortunately expect shipping to cost much more than we are charging, but we're ok with that if you guys get to play our game with no surprises. Admittedly, we didn't want to change it, because we agree it seems steep. Thank you for spreading the word, and hopefully we can figure out an option for your deterred friends in the future.
      -Rick

    8. Ralph Thomas on August 26, 2016

      @CertifiableStudios You'll pay $20 easy to ship to the EU. When I ship similar size/weight products it actually costs $21.50. The only way that you might save a little is if you ship a large batch to a company like shipwire in UK and then they ship it locally.

    9. Certifiable Studios 4-time creator on August 26, 2016

      @Webkeeper what is the normal/fair/acceptable rate for EU shipping? What methods do others use to make that happen? Teach us so we can bring those people in.

    10. Webkeeper on August 26, 2016

      Already done but the sudden surge to $20 for shipping has deterred many in my gaming circles.

    11. QuoteStar
      Superbacker
      on August 26, 2016

      Well said, good sirs! God speed!

    12. Sprayoncrayon
      Superbacker
      on August 26, 2016

      I read slower when I imagine it in Morgan Freeman's voice, so it took me twice as long.

    13. David Voderberg on August 26, 2016

      As the Power Puff Girls taught me...I always blame all the bad things in life on The One, The Only, The Boogie Man...

      BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE!

    14. Patrick K. on August 26, 2016

      "Did we stop when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" Hell no! Onwards and upwards!!

    15. Greg W. on August 26, 2016

      I will carry the message into the smelly rooms of my local game stores! I will annoy my gaming associates until they go mad or back the campaign! I will hold my head high and spit in the face of authority as they cuff me and drag me away!