Every book written on bears has been a lie. People live under the false impression that bears can be avoided, that bear attacks are survivable, and even that bears are not immortal. Suffice it to say, people have a lot to learn about bears, bear safety, bear attacks and the impending war between man and bear.
BEARS WANT TO KILL YOU will be the first honest book about bears ever written. No lies, no propaganda. It's the hard reality nobody wants to face. Can you survive a bear attack? Yes, but only until it kills you.
My name is Ethan Nicolle. My last name—while manly—is pronounced just like the girl name. It's always good to get that out of the way. I am known mostly for creating AXE COP with my little brother, Malachai. It was an amazing adventure that became a six-volume comic series and two seasons of an awesome TV show. And while I'd be fine with only being known as the Axe Cop guy, I've had an insatiable fascination with bears for quite some time.
I had this Bearmageddon idea I was obsessed with, so I made that my other webcomic. Without the luck of it going viral, It was a lot harder to get people to read it, so I started making bear safety memes in an attempt to generate viral interest... a sneaky way to market my other webcomic.
While the webcomic has grown steadily over the years, even getting a small film deal in China, the bear safety memes themselves have been shared millions of times and made the front page of sites like Imgur and Reddit. I got so into making these things, I made my own Onion-style parody news site called www.BearmageddonNews.com.
So the little marketing gimmicks for Bearmageddon became their own sort of separate phenomenon! The demand for a book escalated and I decided if I could get it backed, I would do it. The book is already in progress. Click here to sample two rough chapters from the book in progress. I am Kickstarting this project because:
A.) I want to try this Kickstarter thing! I'm super nervous right now.
B.) I don't actually have a pile of money laying around to publish a book. And even if I used a Print-on-Demand service...
C.) Part of the money will go towards my time making the book. If I only do this thing in my spare time it will take a lot longer than if I can get some financial backing.
It seemed it was time to make the authoritative satirical book on bear safety. I have about four chapters completed of a planned twelve.
Below are the currently planned chapters of the book, though I have a feeling it will expand and mutate as I continue, only getting more awesome:
- Chapter 1: An Introduction to Bears—The basics of bear biology, habits, wrestling moves, and how they plan to kill us all.
- Chapter 2: Basic Bear Attacks—The basic attacks of bears from the claw swipe to the spinning piledriver.
- Chapter 3: Advanced Bear Attacks—Advanced bear attacks that have been witnessed by very few including wizardry, tsunamis, and plagues.
- Chapter 4: How to Be Prepared——Ways to be ready before a bear shows up to kill you.
- Chapter 5: Bear Stealth Techniques —Places bears are hiding you never even thought of.
- Chapter 6: What to Do in a Bear Attack—When a bear is attacking you, these are your options.
- Chapter 7: A Guide to Bear Fighting—Some of the common counter-attacks and fighting techniques to use against bears.
- Chapter 8: Bear Spray and Other Lies—Dispelling the common myths and misconceptions about bears.
- Chapter 9: Rare Bear Species—Rare and undocumented bear species, their origins, habits and potential threat.
- Chapter 10: Bear News; True Stories That Went Unreported—A collection of true stories about bears so unbelievable the mainstream media hid them from the public.
- Chapter 11: How to Defeat a Bear—The shortest chapter in the book.
- Chapter 12: Further Information—Additional materials and information.
The book will be around 200 pages and packed with illustrations, charts and informative graphics.
Get that puppy signed and drawn in!
Also known as the poster pack.
Or if you are a really big spender, you can have the book dedicated to you and committed to your memory.
Got questions? Feel free to post them in the FAQ's. If you are interested in custom original art as part of your order, please join my Patreon.
I'm thrilled to have made it into the FUNDED category. The truth about the initial 12k is it will cover my expenses at a a basic level. After I make all the bonus materials, buy all the shipping supplies and pay all the shipping, it'll be close to breaking even. Of course, I will have leftover books. I have to print around 800-1000 books to make it worth my while, so there will be future money to be made on those. But stretch goals determine the quality of those books.
So, to start, the book at the 12k level will be a black and white interior. ACHIEVED.
If we hit 15k, I'll do a red and black ink interior. ACHIEVED!
If we hit 20k, I'll do full color. ACHIEVED!
From there we'll upgrade the exterior.
At 22k I'll do a FOIL STAMP on the hardcover (beneath the dust jacket) which will make it look extra snazzy. ACHIEVED!
At 25K I will add a fold-out insert with a map or chart of important bear information. ACHIEVED!
At 30K I will add a cool slipcase to the hardcover edition!
We can cross the design bridge when we get there, but for now, please share this with anyone you know who needs to know more about bears!
Thanks for getting me past my iitial goal!
Risks and challenges
The greatest risk I'm taking in making this book is bears. Bears are a very secretive species and, even though they will still inevitably win their war on mankind, they like to retain the element of surprise. Bears are going to do everything they can to stop this book from production. That is why most of the money I make on this book will go toward security and creating a bear-proof bunker to finish writing the book in. Stretch goals will include a bear-digestion-proof suit so that I can attempt to complete the book from inside a bear if it comes to that.
Other risks and challenges:
If this thing just barely funds, I will still have to do other work to pay the bills while I work on it, which will slow things down. I have never done a printing like this before and I will have to find space for the surplus of books depending on what kind of print run I end up doing, and how many are ordered. One of the biggest risks is trying to determine the actual price of things including shipping and not coming out in the red. I've heard that is one of the hardest things to get right. My hope is to over-fund, but the minimum goal is the least I'll accept to try something this crazy.
If I don't fund, I may attempt to finish the book in my spare time and print it on demand, but I really want to self-publish something!
The time estimations are for me to finish the book in about six months and to allow for about six months for printing because I'll be using a company that prints out of China and that takes time!Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (30 days)