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$4,896
pledged of $13,500pledged of $13,500 goal
157
backers
Funding Unsuccessful
The project's funding goal was not reached on Mon, June 15 2015 8:01 PM UTC +00:00
Last updated May 3, 2016

Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy

An illustrated collection of short stories, tweets and extras from the world of @AwfulFantasy.

Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy

An illustrated collection of short stories, tweets and extras from the world of @AwfulFantasy.

$4,896
pledged of $13,500pledged of $13,500 goal
157
backers
Funding Unsuccessful
The project's funding goal was not reached on Mon, June 15 2015 8:01 PM UTC +00:00
Last updated May 3, 2016

About

We are Justin Lucas and Mitchell Lucas, satirical writers behind the Science Fiction parody series The Rockman Chronicles and the parody twitter account @AwfulFantasy—where we post fake excerpts from non-existent Fantasy and Scifi books, with a satirical spin.

We’ve had a lot of fun creating some really awful tweets in our first year on Twitter, and we’ve always been kinda bummed that some of these stories had to end at 140 characters. So we have decided to expand some of our favorite tweets into a collection of short stories! We also like variety, so we'll throw in some honorable mention tweets and some activities and puzzles and stuff.

The first part of the book is a collection of short stories based on a few of our more popular tweets. Each story begins with a beautifully illustrated drawing by the extremely talented Jesse Lucas and ranges from 10-20 pages. They are all chock-full of ridiculously awful prose, bad analogies, horrible opinions, uneducated explanations, and dumb jokes. Following each short story, there will be ridiculous activities based on the preceding tale like word searches, mazes, mad libs, horrible cooking recipes, and more!

Here are some of the short stories:

  • Cthulu's a Dick
    Based on: "Al gazed upon Cthulhu and was consumed with madness. Not the crazy kind, the angry kind. Cthulhu totally pissed him off. Cthulhu's a dick."
  • Methane in the Membrane
    Based on: "Lia stepped off her ship onto the planet. 'That smells gross, Ben.' Ben was confused until they both died. The atmosphere was methane."
  • Hard-boiled Hobbit
    Based on:“Of all the hobbit-holes in The Shire, this dame had to walk into mine. Tall as she was beautiful. 2'3" and feet as hairy as my last case."
  • The Confusing, But Not Impossible Labyrinth
    Based on:"'I smash you to nothing!' said the ogre. 'That's physically impossible,' said Dean. The others agreed, and the ogre admitted he was wrong."

And more!

And in each physical copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy there will be a very special roleplaying adventure for the 5th edition of a popular RPG with a name I can't remember: The Daemon Queen’s Saecret Tower!

The best answer is illustrations. It's a scientific fact that 100% of all things can be made 403 times better with some great art, and we believe that our book could benefit from that math.

We have the gift for deep storytelling, and complex, sophisticated writing, but we don’t draw no good. So, it is our responsibility to see that someone else who is good at art does that stuff and gets paid while we stick to what we're good at: writing badly.

We've recruited the incredible talents of Jesse Lucas to do our illustrations, and it's not just because he shares the same last name as us. We believe his beautiful and clean art style would compliment our project perfectly and are excited to see what more he can do once this book gets funded.

Check out one of the images right now:

"The Dwarves sat down for a game of Offices & Executives. Thimlo, playing as Ted the Lawyer, rolled a 9 to dial out with his +1 desk phone."

In addition to having a Kickstarter for the art, we also need help getting the full-color, physical book printed. We think that having a physical book to hold, open, and touch would be pretty great, and we know that everyone loves to hold, open, and touch things. This book allows you to do all three at once. I can only think of 5 other things in the ENTIRE WORLD with this kind of capability.

At $15 or more, you will receive a digital copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy!

  • A Digital copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy!

At $20 or more, you will receive a digital bundle of EPIC proportions!

At $30 or more, you will receive the physical copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy with digital bundle!

  • A full color, beautifully illustrated copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy with The Dæmon Queen's Sæcret Tower included in the book, signed by the authors!
  • A Digital copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy!
  • Digital Copy of John Rockman and the Trials of Galactar! Book 1 in The Rockman Chronicles!
  • Digital Copy of John Rockman and the Cosmic Brain of Corruption! Book 2 in The Rockman Chronicles!
  • A pdf of The Dæmon Queen's Sæcret Tower! An @AwfulFantasy Roleplaying Adventure!

The Dæmon Queen's Sæcret Tower is a very special roleplaying adventure specifically designed to be compatible with the 5th edition of a very popular RPG that I can't seem to remember the name of. It's that one game where you sit around with your friends and you act like you are different people in a fantasy world and you roll dice. There's a person at the table who leads the adventure. Man, why can't I remember what it's called? Oh well, I think you know the game I mean.

In The Dæmon Queen's Sæcret Tower, you and some friends will partake in the most ridiculous adventure ever created. Here's the story:

Once a regal and respected Queen of the Land of Orboz, Queen Fœtida instilled the opposite of fear into the hearts or her loyal subjects. Faced with the knowledge that she comes from a royal line rife with incest and illegal underground dragon fighting, Fœtida was dethroned by the Lord of a lesser house who uncovered her family’s darker past. Queen Fœtida, residing in an old, long abandoned sæcret tower in the Dargon Mountains, is now a servant of Necrosa, and has turned from her love of Contemporary Impressionism to the somewhat Darker Arts—NECROMANCY!

The Undead are invading the peaceful townships and cities of Orboz, consuming the flesh of the living, and ever spreading their vile dark magic and unpopular religious beliefs. Queen Fœtida has been spotted as a shade near the Dargon Mountains, and tale is told she still lives, most likely raising the dead as her own Personal Undead Army of Revenge!

It is up to a small band of heroes (you) to find Queen Fœtida and put an end to her Necromaniacal ways. In the Dargon Mountains lies the decrepit heart of the dark magic that plagues Orboz like a plague. In this metaphorical heart is where you must end the Dark Queen’s evil, vengeful plans (by killing her). Deep up inside The Dæmon Queen’s Sæcret Tower!

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Risks and challenges

The biggest risk with projects similar to ours is oversight in printing and shipping costs for physical book rewards to backers. Some project creators have found themselves owing way more in shipping and printing costs than they thought, leaving them unable to send backers their due rewards.

We have mapped out all possible costs and planned for the “worst case scenario,” in which we are funded solely by the backer tier with the lowest overhead. We have made sure that each tier in itself is profitable so each donation has some left over that can ultimately go to art, with no fear of neglecting to fulfill backer rewards.

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Support

  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $15 or more About $15

    THE DIGITAL BOOK

    Thank you for your pledge! You will receive a digital copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy!

    Plus, your name will be printed in the "Thank You" section of the physical copy of the book!

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    Pledge $20 or more About $20

    DIGITAL BUNDLE

    In addition to the digital copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy and your name added into the 'Thank You' section of the physical book, you will also get digital copies of John Rockman and the Trials of Galactar and John Rockman and the Cosmic Brain of Corruption, and a pdf of The Dæmon Queen's Sæcret Tower!

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  3. Select this reward

    Pledge $30 or more About $30

    THE BOOK

    In addition to all previous rewards, you will get a physical copy of Harris Dies on Page 32 and Other Tales of Awful Fantasy SIGNED by the authors that includes The Dæmon Queen's Sæcret Tower Roleplaying Adventure! Plus your name will be printed in the 'Thank You' section!

    An additional $5 for shipping in the USA and $15 for international shipping will apply.

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Funding period

- (30 days)