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$1,000 pledged of $7,800 goal
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$1,000 pledged of $7,800 goal
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About this project


Hello and thank you for checking out the Kickstarter campaign page for  ADVENTURE BUDDIES: YOUUUGE BOOK of the COLORING for WINNERS! My name is Ben Thomas. I'm the author of Adventure Buddies and the founder of Bumblebot, a publishing startup based in Omaha Nebraska

Uh, so let's get this straight- you've got Trump and Putin getting jumped by wheelchair basketball players, riding a tiger and losing their minds over a hot sauce. What the hell?

ADVENTURE BUDDIES is both a short story and a coloring book. It begins with Trump and Putin undergoing a  United Nations-mandated sensitivity training course. Those things you saw in the book trailer will go into the book.

Yassss! Don and Vlad finally get molded into  paragons of sensitivity, just like Angela Merkel and that hawt Canadian Prime Minister  Justin Trudeaumberlake  right!?....Right

Maybe, but it won't be easy. Vlad's tiger, Masha and Don's eagle, Buddy have what the Adventure Buddies call "mean momma" syndrome.  While they don't really like Don and Vlad and will often attack them, woe be unto their critics! After Don and Vlad get an earful from the instructors for failing their sensitivity assignments, Masha and Buddy rush to comfort Don and Vlad- and by "comfort," we mean they fill up on the most tender meat of any profession- sensitivity instructor meat!

Buddy attacks Don in defense of the nest he built in his hair.
Buddy attacks Don in defense of the nest he built in his hair.

Free of supervision and responsibilities, Don and Vlad go on on politically incorrect adventures all while combating their often mutinous comfort animals. And digestive problems. Since Don's deportation policy shuttered their favorite burrito truck, the duo are forced to gag down the body-temperature Tex-Mex that  former Vice-president Joe Biden, aka "Lightning Joe," sells from his trench coat. 

"Arm-pit Tex-Mex is better than no-Mex."  Vladimir Putin.
"Arm-pit Tex-Mex is better than no-Mex." Vladimir Putin.

 It's awful but at least they get the "presidential treatment," which includes plenty of 'Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce', the world's first performance-enhancing hot sauce.

Also the world's first illegal hot sauce. Pairs well with sweaty food sold out of  old trench coats.
Also the world's first illegal hot sauce. Pairs well with sweaty food sold out of old trench coats.

They'll need plenty of it if  they are to have any hope of  surviving the sensitivity robot the U.N. is sending after them. Its cannon can fire thousands of strongly worded letters per minute!

 I like the story but what about the coloring?

   You get to decide what happens to the color of Don's skin as the first molten splashes of Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce surge through his veins. Orange? Burnt orange? Purple? Burnt purple?  How will you shade the barista's face when Vlad specifically requests 'the most unfair-trade coffee' they've got?  

  Don and Vlad's micro and macro-aggressions will have even the saltiest of social crayon warriors muttering “wow just...wow” and “ I can't even...” with each stroke of their Donald Trump-orange stubs.

What if you overshoot the goal?

 Because we appreciate your efforts to help  make this the greatest Kickstarter ever, we aim to over-deliver. To that end, we have what Kickstarter calls "stretch goals". Each contributor to a reward level will receive a free download of every stretch goal we reach.  For our first stretch goal, we will create an Adventure Buddies audio coloring book. 

"An audio coloring book? The hell you say!"

 It will be like the physical book, only better in many ways, with voice-overs by Don and Vlad impersonators. And who knows? If Don and/or Vlad throw us some fat stacks, they will be allowed to make cameo voice-overs. But only as minor characters. Think "Cashier Two" or "Surly Lot Attendant".  Sorry fellas, but we're leaving the actual Don and Vlad voice-overs to the professionals.

Here's a taste of Vlad's helpful instructions on how to draw and color him:

"Above the six pack abdominal, you are to draw the muscles of my chest. While drawing, you may be inspired by the ingots of iron forged in the fires of the Kurganmashzavod  foundry - the greatest foundry in all of the world and in all of the solar system, maybe. Above that, are my shoulders which are broad and good. When the light is their comrade, they glisten like the foothills of the Urals at dawn...At red dawn, if you will."

Thanks dude, now I feel dirty. Even so, I must put that into my ears!

Yes. And it must break you.

Whatever you say, Ivan Drago. What's the second stretch goal?

An Adventure Buddies sequel. What happens next? Will Don and Vlad be re-programmed into giving up politics and opening up a bed-and breakfast in the Poconos? Will Masha and Buddy be stripped of their comfort animal status and be redrawn as stick figures? Will they serve life sentences in a post-modern black-and-white animated roadside zoo and be subjected to an endless barrage of non-sequiturs hurled by Slovakian schoolchildren? Help us reach our second stretch goal and  find out. Tentative title? Bernie Buddies!

Do you have a third stretch goal?

Um..only the best goal of all. An Adventure Buddies video game. Just like the audio book, everyone who contributes at a reward level will get an  Adventure Buddies video game to download and play. Will it be a fighting game or an Aventure game? Help us decide!

What if you don't make your first goal?

 Hate to be a downer but this is an all-or-nothing crowdfund, meaning if we don't reach our initial goal, you can forget about the first book, much less the audio book, the sequel and the video game. Saddest of all, the only stain that Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce will make is the stain of "what-if?" on our collective consciousness. Lets avert this tragedy and make sure Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce will be around to spice up the world's strip mall Tex Mex and ruin our clothing.

What are you going to use my money for?

For our initial goal, your backing will help with the publishing process; from the commissioning of professional line drawings, professional typesetting, professional layout and formatting, professional  printing and distribution of the books. Each stretch goal reached will receive the nurturing needed to make them the best rewards possible.

 Sounds great! I love the rewards and want to participate but I'm broke.

We feel ya. One of the best things you can do is to help spread the word. Share the video!  And be sure to check out our Facebook page for updates, contests and giveaways.

Risks and challenges

This is our first crowdfunding launch. We are under no delusions that the path will be obstacle-free. With that in mind, we have researched best practices in order to make this as smooth and rewarding of an experience as can be for everyone.

Learn about accountability on Kickstarter

Questions about this project? Check out the FAQ

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  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $1 or more About $1.00

    THE EASY E-BOOK LEVEL

    For this level, you get a DRM- free ebook to download and color! Plus at this and every other level, you get any and all of the stretch goals we reach! Deal?

    The EASY E-BOOK level is named after Lightning Joe's favorite rapper. It's no secret that when Biden cruises in his Trans-Am, The Scorpions and Billy Squire dominate his rotation. But did you know that when he's on his Tex-Mex hustle, his Walkman refuses to blast any cassette that isn't named Straight Outta Compton?

    Masha says: "Remember to print out the pages before coloring, kids. If you ruin your mom's screen with colored pencils, I'll slink into your room and eat you as you slumber. RRWWARR!"

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    Pledge $8 or more About $8

    THE EARLY BIRD COMRADE LEVEL

    NA ZDOROVIE! As a YOUUUGE thank you, we will send you an unsigned copy of ADVENTURE BUDDIES YOUUUGE Book of the Coloring FOR WINNERS!

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    Pledge $15 or more About $15

    THE COMRADE LEVEL

    NA ZDOROVIE! As a YOUUUGE thank you for your pledge of twelve dollars or more, we will send you an unsigned copy of ADVENTURE BUDDIES YOUUUGE Book of the Coloring FOR WINNERS!

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    Pledge $25 or more About $25

    THE APPRENTICE LEVEL

    You're hired! Your first task is to color the signed ADVENTURE BUDDIES coloring book as soon as it arrives at your door! Plus you get the EASY E-BOOK LEVEL!

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    Pledge $51 or more About $51

    THE WARDROBE UPGRADE LEVEL

    The APPRENTICE, plus an Adventure Buddies T-shirt. A shirt so snazzy, Vlad would never tear it, not even for an impromptu pec bounce-off against Shinzo Abe in the G-8 Summit parking lot.

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    Pledge $66 or more About $66

    THE EARLY BIRD ADVENTURE BUDDY
    YOUUUGE DISCOUNT!

    You get the APPRENTICE, a bottle of Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce and an Adventure Buddies T-shirt to stain in the midst of a brain-boiling Adventure Sauce frenzy or rampage!

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    Pledge $99 or more About $99

    THE TRENCH COAT TEX-MEX HUSTLER LEVEL

    The APPRENTICE, plus a bottle of Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce, the world's first performance-enhancing hot sauce!*

    Lightning Joe: "Oh that? That's no gun, officer. That's just a lump of old burrito meat molded into a pistol shape. When Lightning Joe opens his coat, cats figure the thunder aint far behind. But let me tell ya, the only kind of thunder this old lump will bring ya is diarrhea. (Winks. Clicks tongue.) cha cha cha."

    *you may want to stock up on blister cream for your butt cheeks.

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    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    THE EARLY BIRD NAME DROP LEVEL

    The APPRENTICE LEVEL, plus your name or company name mentioned in an Adventure Buddies-related Facebook thank-you post!

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    Pledge $125 or more About $125

    THE ADVENTURE BUDDY LEVEL

    You get the APPRENTICE, a bottle of Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce and an Adventure Buddies T-shirt to stain in the midst of a brain-boiling Adventure Sauce frenzy or rampage!

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    Pledge $200 or more About $200

    THE NAMEDROP LEVEL

    The APPRENTICE LEVEL, plus your name or company name mentioned in an Adventure Buddies-related Facebook thank-you post!

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    Pledge $300 or more About $300

    THE VLAD RIP OFF LEVEL

    Pick some words. A Vlad impersonator will either yell them while ripping off his shirt or say them calmly while bouncing his pecs.Or both? This will be turned into a gif for you to cherish and hand down to your grand-kids.

    Perfect for wedding proposals, birthday gifts, quitting your job, a character reference for your sentencing hearing. Whatever. Have fun but use common sense (no hatred) or we'll refund you harder than Vlad rejects a three-point attempt from a wheel chair basketball player.

    Oh, and we'll throw in THE APPRENTICE LEVEL, too.

    *

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    Pledge $500 or more About $500

    THE MASHA ADVENTURE LEVEL

    The APPRENTICE, plus when you and a guest come to Omaha (on your dime) you'll eat some Tex-Mex and tour the world-famous Henry Doorly Zoo with the Adventure Buddies crew.* See the tiger that sent a local to the hospital after she tried to 'pull a Vlad' and make it her comfort animal!

    Not much for eating bastardized Mexican food buried under tubs of sour cream? Hate seeing majestic animals in confinement? No problem. Shoot us an alternative adventure idea. Chances are, we'd be down- especially if there's a nap-time in the itinerary.

    *or reasonable substitutes.

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    Pledge $555 or more About $555

    THE MET LEVEL

    THE APPRENTICE, plus a print from one of ten select pages in the book signed, numbered and framed!

    Museum director: "Gentlemen, you can't just come in here and hang your drawings on the walls. There are procedures."

    Don: "Oh we've got your procedures. Vlad?"

    VLAD: (While ripping off his shirt) "MASHA! Вот, котенок котенок!"

    Masha rounds a corner, bounds toward the museum director and swallows him in one bite. Don and Vlad resume drinking Adventure Sauce and Scotch taping their art to the walls.

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    Pledge $600 or more About $600

    THE BALLER LEVEL

    THE APPRENTICE, plus send us your company logo or a picture of your face and we'll turn it into a line drawing which will then grace a page in the book. Order two of this reward and we'll do both.

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    Pledge $5,000 or more About $5,000

    THE FEEL THE BERNIE LEVEL

    Are you the Bernie Sanders that all the kids are talking about? Or are you a reasonable facsimile*? If so, THE FEEL THE BERNIE LEVEL is perfect for you! It includes THE APPRENTICE LEVEL, plus we'll throw in a full page campaign ad at half the price those capitalist swine will have to pay.

    If the campaign trail happens to run through our humble Nebraska town, (or you're just headed to or from Colorado for reasons that are none of our damn business), you're welcome to crash on our futon for a night or two. Need more? No problem. Just chip-in for munchies and don't be a total slob. Oh, and the author has been wanting to join a certain union for some time, so yeah...if you could pop into the local to give him an endorsement, that'd be great.

    Upon arrival, you'll find a fresh pack of tighty whities for you on the milk crate nightstand next to a dog-earred copy of Das Kapital. In the mini-fridge will be a half-gallon jug of one percent milk to share with the cat after he bites your toes in the middle of the night. Don't be alarmed, he's just taking advantage of your compassion. (he'll smell it on you) Throw us a few more bones and we'll let you pull your campaign van into the garage long enough to do any needed maintenance or repairs. You'll have to bring your own tools though. Nothing personal, but lets just say ever since 2012 when a dude whose name rhymes with "Moe Flyden" stopped by during his campaign, we've been down a Craftsman socket set and a sweet skull lighter that shoots a flame out of its mouth when you open the jaw.

    *i.e. Larry David

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    Pledge $7,000 or more About $7,000

    THE HAIL MARY REWARD LEVEL

    Do you have a short film script or an idea for one that you'd like to have produced? How about a novella that you'd like to have ghostwritten? Talk to us! No reasonable request will be denied. (Delivery date depends on the project)

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    Pledge $10,000 About $10,000

    THE WINNING CANDIDATE LEVEL

    Are you or is someone you love running for president of the United States? How about PTA historian? If so, THE WINNING CANDIDATE LEVEL is the level you need. It includes the APPRENTICE LEVEL plus a full page political ad in the coloring book. Think about it... How else are you going to reach the kids these days? Do you think they want to go to some boring old rally? No! They want to sit home and go on adventures with their crayons! And if they're going to be coloring, you might as well make sure they're coloring a big, fat check mark next to your face!

    If you win your election (and you will) we'll take full credit! However, if for some reason you manage to screw things up and lose, we'll totally not block you on the Twitter. Pinkie swear...

    All political ad legalities apply here.

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    Pledge $10,000 About $10,000

    THE DON, VLAD AND BIDEN CAMEO LEVEL

    Are you Don, Vlad or Joe Biden? Do you want in on this action? If so, your pledge at this level will ensure that we do an audio book version of Adventure Buddies and that you will have a credited role.

    *Sorry guys, you won't be able to portray yourselves, only minor roles. We'll be leaving your voices to the professionals.

    Also, please don't hurt us.

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Funding period

- (33 days)