Hello and thank you for checking out the Kickstarter campaign page for ADVENTURE BUDDIES: YOUUUGE BOOK of the COLORING for WINNERS! My name is Ben Thomas. I'm the author of Adventure Buddies and the founder of Bumblebot, a publishing startup based in Omaha Nebraska
Uh, so let's get this straight- you've got Trump and Putin getting jumped by wheelchair basketball players, riding a tiger and losing their minds over a hot sauce. What the hell?
ADVENTURE BUDDIES is both a short story and a coloring book. It begins with Trump and Putin undergoing a United Nations-mandated sensitivity training course. Those things you saw in the book trailer will go into the book.
Yassss! Don and Vlad finally get molded into paragons of sensitivity, just like Angela Merkel and that hawt Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeaumberlake right!?....Right?
Maybe, but it won't be easy. Vlad's tiger, Masha and Don's eagle, Buddy have what the Adventure Buddies call "mean momma" syndrome. While they don't really like Don and Vlad and will often attack them, woe be unto their critics! After Don and Vlad get an earful from the instructors for failing their sensitivity assignments, Masha and Buddy rush to comfort Don and Vlad- and by "comfort," we mean they fill up on the most tender meat of any profession- sensitivity instructor meat!
Free of supervision and responsibilities, Don and Vlad go on on politically incorrect adventures all while combating their often mutinous comfort animals. And digestive problems. Since Don's deportation policy shuttered their favorite burrito truck, the duo are forced to gag down the body-temperature Tex-Mex that former Vice-president Joe Biden, aka "Lightning Joe," sells from his trench coat.
It's awful but at least they get the "presidential treatment," which includes plenty of 'Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce', the world's first performance-enhancing hot sauce.
They'll need plenty of it if they are to have any hope of surviving the sensitivity robot the U.N. is sending after them. Its cannon can fire thousands of strongly worded letters per minute!
I like the story but what about the coloring?
You get to decide what happens to the color of Don's skin as the first molten splashes of Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce surge through his veins. Orange? Burnt orange? Purple? Burnt purple? How will you shade the barista's face when Vlad specifically requests 'the most unfair-trade coffee' they've got?
Don and Vlad's micro and macro-aggressions will have even the saltiest of social crayon warriors muttering “wow just...wow” and “ I can't even...” with each stroke of their Donald Trump-orange stubs.
What if you overshoot the goal?
Because we appreciate your efforts to help make this the greatest Kickstarter ever, we aim to over-deliver. To that end, we have what Kickstarter calls "stretch goals". Each contributor to a reward level will receive a free download of every stretch goal we reach. For our first stretch goal, we will create an Adventure Buddies audio coloring book.
"An audio coloring book? The hell you say!"
It will be like the physical book, only better in many ways, with voice-overs by Don and Vlad impersonators. And who knows? If Don and/or Vlad throw us some fat stacks, they will be allowed to make cameo voice-overs. But only as minor characters. Think "Cashier Two" or "Surly Lot Attendant". Sorry fellas, but we're leaving the actual Don and Vlad voice-overs to the professionals.
Here's a taste of Vlad's helpful instructions on how to draw and color him:
"Above the six pack abdominal, you are to draw the muscles of my chest. While drawing, you may be inspired by the ingots of iron forged in the fires of the Kurganmashzavod foundry - the greatest foundry in all of the world and in all of the solar system, maybe. Above that, are my shoulders which are broad and good. When the light is their comrade, they glisten like the foothills of the Urals at dawn...At red dawn, if you will."
Thanks dude, now I feel dirty. Even so, I must put that into my ears!
Yes. And it must break you.
Whatever you say, Ivan Drago. What's the second stretch goal?
An Adventure Buddies sequel. What happens next? Will Don and Vlad be re-programmed into giving up politics and opening up a bed-and breakfast in the Poconos? Will Masha and Buddy be stripped of their comfort animal status and be redrawn as stick figures? Will they serve life sentences in a post-modern black-and-white animated roadside zoo and be subjected to an endless barrage of non-sequiturs hurled by Slovakian schoolchildren? Help us reach our second stretch goal and find out. Tentative title? Bernie Buddies!
Do you have a third stretch goal?
Um..only the best goal of all. An Adventure Buddies video game. Just like the audio book, everyone who contributes at a reward level will get an Adventure Buddies video game to download and play. Will it be a fighting game or an Aventure game? Help us decide!
What if you don't make your first goal?
Hate to be a downer but this is an all-or-nothing crowdfund, meaning if we don't reach our initial goal, you can forget about the first book, much less the audio book, the sequel and the video game. Saddest of all, the only stain that Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce will make is the stain of "what-if?" on our collective consciousness. Lets avert this tragedy and make sure Lightning Joe's Adventure Sauce will be around to spice up the world's strip mall Tex Mex and ruin our clothing.
What are you going to use my money for?
For our initial goal, your backing will help with the publishing process; from the commissioning of professional line drawings, professional typesetting, professional layout and formatting, professional printing and distribution of the books. Each stretch goal reached will receive the nurturing needed to make them the best rewards possible.
Sounds great! I love the rewards and want to participate but I'm broke.
We feel ya. One of the best things you can do is to help spread the word. Share the video! And be sure to check out our Facebook page for updates, contests and giveaways.
Risks and challenges
This is our first crowdfunding launch. We are under no delusions that the path will be obstacle-free. With that in mind, we have researched best practices in order to make this as smooth and rewarding of an experience as can be for everyone.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (33 days)