THE SYMBOL OF MY JOURNEY
My trainer asked me if I wanted to go to a local park and see a flight of stairs that professional UFC fighters train on. Of course I said yes but I knew there was more to it. So when we arrived this is what I saw. It looked like the road ahead of me. All uphill, intimidating and way over my head. So I tried to run up it and got about halfway before my lungs felt like they were going to burst.
You see with Multiple Myeloma Cancer it deprives your bloodstream of vital oxygen and you lose your breath fairly quickly. The Doctor said you cant push beyond it because there's nothing to push to until your blood gets healthier.
So with the Kickstarter (http://bit.ly/CarmanKickstarter) program giving me and opportunity to record again and everything above the $200,000 is going into the stage production. I'm now feeling very responsible to get healthy so I can perform on tour and not pass out from lack of oxygen.
So these stairs now represent writing 10 new songs, taking two hand fulls of daily med's, going into the studio for 2 months, cleaning my blood cells, building up my cardio, planning out a tour for the first time in 13 years, having enough stamina to complete one of these tasks, not failing everyone by relapsing and never allowing failure as an option.
Those stairs represent my life. Everyday I stop by them and I try to run up but somewhere in the course that run, I can be found bent over with my hands on my knees gasping to inhale oxygen. Its such a lofty goal, the desired results have been set so high and just looking at that climb makes me want to quit. You all have been my lifeline so far, so I'm asking you once again: When I'm at the bottom of these stairs tomorrow and looking up, what is a great quote to repeat over and over again to give me strength?
God Bless You,
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