I am making my first zine/booklet. This is one of three issues that I will produce in the coming year.
Each issue of Psychotic Pockets will be 15-20 pages front and back (30-40 total), and will consist of comics and illustrated stories. I have completed and scanned most of the material for the first issue, and the material for the second and third issues is tentatively planned out. The title is derived from an essay by psychoanalyst Francis Tustin examining the holes or "pockets" of unprocessed loss and rage within a person's consciousness, that cause certain aspects of reality to be blocked or distorted.
The first issue will consist of the following:
- Bear’s Day: A children’s story on the dimming and sharpening of one’s sense of reality, and the importance of friends.
- Process Problems: A one-two page illustrated story about vivid daydreams.
- How to Live in New York: A list of 15 hyperbolic suggestions, some illustrated.
- Dark Shit: An assortment of comics about experiences of acute depression.
- Story of Earl Monster: A children’s story about the rejection, acceptance, and absorption of part of one's true self.
A bit of backstory: After going off of anti-depressants last spring and feeling very confused and unhappy for several months, I began making comics to try to banish the thoughts that tended to escalate and overwhelm me at night (Dark Shit). My goal for these drawings was to convey what I was feeling as truthfully as possible, and without the self-consciousness and perfectionism that I struggle with in creative expression. In order to thwart myself from seeking false connection with or approval from an imaginary group of spectators (anyone who could potentially see these drawings in the future), I created Dark Shit with the hope that it would be essentially unlikeable.
The Dark Shit series produced an offshoot (How to Live in New York), that was followed by two children's stories (Bear's Day and Story of Earl Monster). Story of Earl Monster accompanies an idea that I'd had in 2003, during a period that preceded my going on anti-depressants, which was that my depression manifested as a giant bloody wolf-dog named Earl Monster. Two years later, I recorded music under this name, but the imagined manifestation became increasingly remote and muted for the eight and a half years that I was on anti-depressants. I forgot that Earl Monster was not a tame companion, a pet, but rather a powerful and unpredictable horror, and it's been difficult welcoming him back into my life. Process Problems is not yet completed.
I have been drawing, painting, and collaging for most of my life, and have illustrated children's stories in the past, though this is the first time I've written my own.
Future issues will feature more individual work (an illustrated diary of going off of anti-depressants; stories of imaginary heroines; images of murderous women; more children's stories, probably) as well as collaborative work and writing (including a revised All the Types Part 1, with some new illustrations, and Part 2, with all new illustrations).
Thanks for your time and/or support.
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I have a phobia of printing things in mass quantities. So many dead trees. So many ways to mess up a two-sided page. But I'll do it.
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