DON'T BE DESPERATE
(Jump to 01:03 for the quote in question).
Men, don’t be desperate.
I’m told that to be wise simply means to correctly prioritize things. When we make something or someone good into our Everything, we do crazy things. We destroy all hope of having or enjoying the object of our desire.
A lot of times in the cinema, those crazy things work out. We see scenes like this one in Cinema Paradiso where a young man waits outside his love’s window every night for a year, waiting for her to come to him. On the last night, after he finally gives up, she comes.
But in reality, the crazy things we do really are just plain crazy.
During the times I had put a pretty lady on that pedestal, I was ready to go to extreme lengths just to see them. There have been times I could have driven halfway across the country to win a girl back. At one such time, a high-school student I was mentoring had to tell me, “Dude, life isn’t The Notebook.” He was right. Life isn’t The Notebook. Life is Swingers. And she isn’t going to come back until you really do forget.
Now, I'm not saying there's never a time for such a dramatic display of romantic intent. Sometimes, a man has to "go see about a girl."
But men, don't be desperate.
[ABOVE: Crazy in Cinema; BELOW: Crazy in Reality]
Prince Andrew from War and Peace has a bit of advice for men who have their women on a pedestal.
“Never, never marry, my dear fellow! That's my advice: never marry till you can say to yourself that you have done all you are capable of, and until you have ceased to love the woman of your choice and have seen her plainly as she is, or else you will make a cruel and irrevocable mistake.”
Essentially, Tolstoy is telling men to take off the rose-colored glasses. We go crazy because we think this woman is going to complete us, but the truth is, we're settling for something less, and we don't even know it. A surprising truth is that we need our brothers (and women, your sisters) even more than we need The One.
So, that's all for today. Don't be desperate, and don't settle. Brah.