A version of the Bible translated into the 21st century's version of the English language. Read more
This project's funding goal was not reached on July 12, 2014.
About this project
Here is a link to a Beta version of Genesis. Which is basically a demo of what is to come.
or copy this
What is this?
Okay, so... "21st Century Holy Bible" is a re-translation and transplantation of the Holy Bible for those who want to read the Holy Bible, with their actual eyes, but don't want to read the ACTUAL Holy Bible because its either too boring (which you'd never admit out of fear of being stricken with mouth gonorrhea) or its just too daunting of a task. Daunting because there are just way too many verses that have little in the way of any kind of meaning relevant to modern life, entertainment value or are based in locations that haven't existed since before the actual bible was first put together.
(Now when I mean the Holy Bible. I mean the WHOLE Holy Bible. Not just the last 25% of the Christian Holy Bible, otherwise known as the New Testament. My goal is to make ALL of it accessible. Starting with the first five books.)
And so you think. Why does the Bible need to be entertaining?
Because lets be realistic. We all pretty much have the attention span of cats or small children. And unless something is paying us an amount of money we deem suitable, or its out of necessity to live, or it involves explosions, comedy or nudity, then it becomes very difficult to focus on getting something done.
So I've gone and "re-translated"(more of a re-imagining of) the Holy Bible, verse by verse, so that it is easier to read, and entertaining. It is now for people with blood flowing through their veins who don’t understand the difference between thy, thou, and thine. For human beings who don’t use “begat” and “begotten” with their mouths when speaking to other human beings. "21st Century Holy Bible" is for us homo sapiens , written in our own demotic vernacular.
Starting with Genesis, it takes place from the beginning of time, up until the early 1900s. It goes from the garden of Eden, now in Hawaii, to California(formerly Egypt).
Every verse, every name, and every location has been updated without losing the original message or story.
Now the goal isn't to insult Christianity or the Bible. It's simply to make the Bible more accessible.
But it is a tad vulgar. A bit crass at times. But with this vulgarity and baseness comes with it an amount of entertainment that, when combined with the fact that it is the bible, brings a potential for just enough controversy to give it enough free marketing to allow it to become a success.
RE-TRANSLATION or Re-imagining?
I do not know Hebrew, Aramaic, or Ancient Greek so I’ve never sat in a dusty Vatican library scrutinizing over what a smudged word might mean. I see no reason to even learn any of these languages. I mean, what would be the point of learning Ancient Greek? To FEEL the word of Socrates? Modern Greeks will look at you like you’re speaking some insane version of their language .Plus even if you learned modern Greek too, what can you do with that? It’s not like you’ll be seeking some Greek bankers expect financial advice.
Hebrew? All the Jews who ARE good with finance speak English anyways. The ones who live in USA and who do speak another language speak Yiddish!
Aramaic? That’s like speaking some funky version of Hebrew. Who are you even going to speak Aramaic too?
So I did not re-translate this from any original source. I just downloaded a couple free bibles from random sites, and BOOM; rewrote it so anyone could understand it.
SO...its a re-translation from boring English to fun, interesting English.
But more importantly THEY/YOU WILL WANT TO ACTUALLY READ IT. ALL OF IT!
The most important part of any translation is not the words or the time
period it uses. But the meaning behind the stories. And I will attempt
to keep these as much as possible.
SO is it a re-translation? Or is it a Re-imagining?
It is probably a little of both.
What is the goal? What is the Plan?
If this Kickstarter campaign is successful:
1. Finish the remaining 4 books before the end of August.
2. Have it edited book by book as I finish each one.
3. Create Ebook and audio book versions.
4. Create a real website for it (this will be soon)
I will most likely attempt to go through Mill City Press to have it edited and created.
The goal is to finish the first 5 books of the Old Testament(otherwise known as the Torah by the Jews, the Pentateuch by Christians, and something Arabic by the Muslims) and self-publish them together by the end of this year, most likely in November, in time for Christmas.
I’ll eventually add notes, pictures, a glossary, and even a compass! I will NOT however add any of those stupid square serial bar-esque things that you take a picture of with your phone. OKAY maybe I will.
But this is a serious project, as you can tell by what has been written already with Genesis. Maybe not serious in its tone some of the time...but you get what I mean.
I am not an experienced writer, however, and what I've written now will need to be edited..
Direction may need to be given. Advice is sought for sure.
And if you pledge, I would like a critique of some kind. Whether its positive or negative or both.
As for now I will be able to present the "beta version" of Genesis as a proof of concept.
Beyond this. I'll skip the middle and do the New Testament and release that some months after. Then finish the rest and release all of it together before Christmas 2015 or sooner.
Risks and challenges
Finishing in time :
The biggest risk is a delay in finishing the first five books. There may be a change in direction, which would cause me to have to re-write the entire thing.
But if this Kickstarter project meets it's goal, then I'll be able to work on it full time, which would make it very easy to finish it all in time. So there really isn't an issue in getting it all finished.
Whether I go though an agency or a private source. There shouldn't be an issue when it comes to having it edited. Just a matter of cost.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
Have a question? If the info above doesn't help, you can ask the project creator directly.
- (30 days)