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Celebrating the absurd with mock-tabloid satire, I, Humpty marries the realities of life with elements from fairytales and folklore.
50 backers pledged $2,122 to help bring this project to life.

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$2,122

50

STRETCH GOAL ADDED: $2500

I'm setting a stretch goal of $2500. When we hit that target, those who have pledged at the $15 level or more will get an audiobook of I, Humpty recorded by the very talented Bridget Fitzgerald as a BONUS! How's that strike your fancy?

Hello!

I'm Eric Wilder, author of the book I, Humpty. It's a collection of satirical news reports that I wrote, featuring iconic characters and objects from fairytales, folklore and nursery rhymes as the main subjects. Fair warning, these stories contain salty language and are not intended for kiddies.

The Book

All of the articles originally appeared on The Grimm Report…Oh, you'd like to know more about The Grimm Report? Well, it's a website I was motivated to create after receiving high praise for a writing assignment done for a class at Writers And Books in Rochester, NY. “Pretty funny,” and “Much improved,” were among some of the remarks made by my teacher. The work submitted, an obituary for the late Humpty Dumpty, detailed Dumpty’s meteoric rise to fame as a child actor, his failed transition to rap, his bout with Peep addiction, and his tragic end in a botched daredevil stunt. Humpty’s obituary served as The Grimm Report's first article. It has been updated to serve as both prologue and epilogue to I, Humpty.

Today The Grimm Report features the work of an ever-expanding list of contributors from locations around the globe, including Dublin, Seattle, Los Angeles, Portland, New England, jolly Old England, and Australia. It has also added a weekly podcast. With hard-hitting news such as, “Sleeping Beauty Finds Blonde Roast Simulating,” and “Gingerbread Man Test Positive For Food Allergies,” The Grimm Report has earned the acclaim of several other bloggers, garnering a handful of peer awards, and has been called, “The TMZ of the fairytale world,” by some random guy…But enough about that. Let me give you a sample of the book!

Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from I, Humpty. Just a little taste of what this project is all about. Read and enjoy:

Neverland a Refuge for Former Teen Idols

NEVERLAND–A recent study of census data has revealed a large population of former teen idols living among the Lost Boys of Neverland. Many of those residing in the community were formerly employed as boy band members, child actors, or product poster children. They have all followed the second star to the right with the same happy thought: to never have to endure the fate of growing pains.

Cultural nostalgia permeates the fabric of the Lost Boy community. A who's who of Tiger Beat cover alumni move about their day to a synchronized step. All culinary concoctions are personally taste-tested by a boy named Mikey before they are served to the general populace. The dialect is comprised of old slang and out-of-date catchphrases. "What you talkin' 'bout, Hook?" has even replaced the old battle cry of a rooster crow.

"Whether working in show business or battling the pirates of Neverland, there's one thing that concerns us all. Getting the hook!" said longtime lad, and rumored founding member of Menudo, Peter Pan. "Neverland is a place that keeps us all young and our appeal fresh. Since I never completed high school, I'm not sure how it works. It could be something in the water we drink, the air we breathe, or the pixie dust we ingest. I guess you could say Neverland's got the right stuff."

Early Praise

Early remarks have been coming in for I, Humpty, and so far people have been quite kind. Here's what they are saying:

“I, Humpty is a smart, laugh-out-loud spin on fairy tales in a modern setting. Not since ‘Politically Correct Bedtime Stories’ have I enjoyed fairytale satire so much. Definitely a collection I’ll be recommending and sharing with friends.”  -Jess E. Owen, Author of the Summer King Chronicles

“The best collection of twisted fables around…”  -Ned Hickson, Syndicated Humor Columnist at Siuslaw News

“In I, Humpty, Wilder’s tenacious investigative reporting huffs, puffs, and blows the roof off the fairy tale world.”  -Jocelyn Koehler, Author of The Nine Kingdoms Series

“I want to see the final book!!!”  -Ksenia Anske, author of Siren Suicides and Rosehead

Bringing It Together

Ok, there's an admission that has to be made about that last statement by Ksenia Anske. She made it after learning about the illustration that has been done for I, Humpty. You see, when I collected these articles I wanted to make sure they were presented to readers in the best manner possible. Being a fan of Anske's novels, I'm also quite familiar with the artwork within their pages and on their covers. One day as I was reading one of her books I thought to myself, "You know, I'd like my stuff to look this good." So, I contacted Anske's book designer, the incredibly talented Anna Milioutina.

A sample of illustrations by Anna Milioutina for I, Humpty
A sample of illustrations by Anna Milioutina for I, Humpty

Thankfully, Anna Milioutina agreed to illustrate twenty five images for the book! They will appear as various article introductions throughout I, Humpty. However, great illustrations don't come for free. And when you factor in publication and marketing costs for I, Humpty, it can get expensive pretty quick. That's why I'm asking you for help!

How You Can Help

I'm turning to you of the Kickstarter Community to help pay for the costs of the illustrations, as well as an initial print run in hardcover and various marketing expenses related to the production and promotion of I, Humpty. I will update you with progress made on the production of I, Humpty, which I intend to wrap up this September. With your pledge you will receive my eternal gratitude, as well as the opportunity to earn some pretty sweet incentives. I implore you to take a look at the offerings listed here, and select whichever is most appealing to you. I appreciate any assistance you may be able to provide!

Thank You.

Incentives!

I, Humpty E-book Or Signed Hardcover

Well, this is what we're all here for after all! Remember that if you purchase either the e-book or the signed hardcover/e-book combo through this campaign you will receive mention within the acknowledgments section. Check your pledge level to see if you qualify for these incentives.

Our Brothers Grimmest Paperback Or Signed Hardcover:

The perfect companion to I, Humpty. The Grimm Report has a vast network of contributors, "Our Brothers Grimmest." Last fall an e-publication of the same name featuring some of their work was produced. The e-book is no longer in circulation. This is your opportunity to receive either a paperback or a signed hardcover edition of this book, which will ONLY be available through this campaign. The contributors to this book are as follows:

Ksenia Anske
Cathy Behnke
Allison Christie
R.G. Dole
Michael Fuller
Gregory Gerard
Amy Good
Christie Hall
Ned Hickson
Steve Kallio
Jocelyn Koehler
Don Nguyen
Danielle E. Shipley
Carrie Wilson
Trista Wilson

As the authors of this anthology are scattered around the globe, there is no guarantee that the hardcovers will contain a signature from each and every one of them. Check your pledge level to see if you qualify for these incentives.

Little Pig Coffee Mug:

When the coffee's too hot, you can huff and puff until it cools down as you're drinking from your Little Pig coffee mug. The artwork on the mug is drawn by I, Humpty illustrator, Anna Milioutina. The image is featured in the book over the headline, "Third Little Pig Fed Up With Brothers." Check your pledge level to see if you qualify for this incentive.

Decal And Cartoon:

This incentive is for my Glass Family. You know who you are. Cinderella's life was altered by a glass accessory. While I can't offer a major change in lifestyle, I can offer a Glass accessory…for Google Glass that is. I have acquired a Glass decal that may or may not have been the princess's. The design features the phrase "Magic is Glass & Slippers." There is only one decal available, it could be yours.With it comes the original drawing of a cartoon by Grimm Report contributing artist Virginia Poltrack that was featured on The Grimm Report, from which the decal was inspired. Check your pledge level to see if you qualify for these incentives.

T-Shirt:

You really like fake news about fairytales and folklore, and you want everyone to know about it. To do so, you can get this t-shirt, as depicted by the printer, featuring an image of Puss 'N Boots at the spa by I, Humpty illustrator Anna Milioutina. Quite the fashion statement. Check your pledge level to see if you qualify for this incentive.

Original Illustrations:

As you may have noticed, I, Humpty includes illustrations from the very talented artist, Anna Milioutina. One of these hand-drawn original illustrations that was used in the book can be yours. Frame it up and keep it in your library along with your copy of I, Humpty. Check your pledge level to see if you qualify for this incentive.

The Royal Treatment:

Example of an illustration done by Virginia Poltrack
Example of an illustration done by Virginia Poltrack

If you are generous enough to fund the entire cost of publishing I, Humpty, you will be immortalized in canon. Grimm Report contributor, Virginia Poltrack, will draw a portrait of you. The portrait will be featured on a page in I, Humpty where you will be heralded as the book's Patron Saint. Your picture will be included in all future editions that I personally publish in print. You will keep the portrait. Your name will be included in one of the articles in the book! Check your pledge level to see if you qualify for this incentive.

Risks and challenges

Please keep in mind, signed hardcovers of Our Brothers Grimmest feature bookplates that contain many signatures. As mentioned, the authors of this anthology are scattered throughout the globe. So mailing bookplates takes time.

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    Pledge $5 or more About $5

    I thank you for your support. May you live happily ever after!

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    For being such a wonderful person you'll get a copy of I, Humpty in the e-book format of your choice of either epub or mobi file. Plus you will have my eternal gratitude, and to show it, your name will appear on a special acknowledgments page in the book.

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    Say, that's mighty generous of you! Just for that, you get a signed hardcover of I, Humpty! Plus the e-book and mention on the special acknowledgments page. Thank you!

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    Pledge $50 or more About $50

    The Grimm Report has a vast network of contributors, "Our Brothers Grimmest." Last fall an e-publication of the same name featuring some of their work was produced. With your pledge you will receive a paperback copy of this book that will ONLY be available through this campaign. Articles include the works of: Ksenia Anske, Cathy Behnke, Allison Christie, R.G. Dole, Michael Fuller, Gregory Gerard, Amy Good, Christie Hall, Ned Hickson, Steve Kallio, Jocelyn Koehler, Don Nguyen, Danielle E. Shipley, Carrie Wilson, and Trista Wilson. You will also receive the signed hardcover of I, Humpty, the e-book, and mention on the special acknowledgments page.

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    Pledge $75 or more About $75

    Cinderella's life was altered by a glass accessory. While we can't offer a major change in lifestyle, we can offer a Glass accessory…for Google Glass that is. We have acquired a Glass decal that may or may not have been the princess's. The design features the phrase "Magic is Glass & Slippers." With this pledge the decal is yours. You will also receive the original drawing of a cartoon by Grimm Report contributing artist Virginia Poltrack that was featured on The Grimm Report, from which the decal was inspired. Plus the signed hardcover of I, Humpty, the e-book, mention on the special acknowledgments page, and paperback copy of Our Brothers Grimmest.

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    Pledge $75 or more About $75

    When the coffee's too hot, you can huff and puff until it cools down when you are drinking from your Little Pig coffee mug. The artwork on the mug is drawn by I, Humpty illustrator, Anna Milioutina (image featured in the project description). Plus you will receive the signed hardcover of I, Humpty, the e-book, mention on the special acknowledgments page, and paperback copy of Our Brothers Grimmest.

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    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    You really like fake news about fairytales and folklore, and you want everyone to know about it. With your pledge you'll get a t-shirt featuring an image of Puss 'N Boots at the spa by I, Humpty illustrator Anna Milioutina (image featured in the project description). In addition you will also receive the mug, a signed hardcover copy of I, Humpty, the e-book, a mention on the special acknowledgments page, and the paperback copy of Our Brothers Grimmest.

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    Pledge $150 or more About $150

    Our Brothers Grimmest signed hardcover! That's right. I've sent bookplates around the globe to get as many signatures as possible for these books. With your pledge one of them is yours. Signed hardcovers of Our Brothers Grimmest are ONLY AVAILABLE WITH THIS PLEDGE LEVEL or the $2000 pledge level. These are in a limited quantity and will ONLY be available through this campaign. You will also receive the t-shirt, the coffee mug, the signed hardcover of I, Humpty, the e-book, mention on the special acknowledgments page and paperback copy of Our Brothers Grimmest.

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    Pledge $175 or more About $175

    As you may have noticed, I, Humpty includes illustrations from the very talented artist, Anna Milioutina. With your pledge one of these hilarious images will be yours. Yes, you'll receive an actual hand drawn original illustration that was used in the book. You will also receive the t-shirt, the coffee mug, the signed hardcover of I, Humpty, the e-book, mention on the special acknowledgments page and paperback copy of Our Brothers Grimmest. (Requests will not be taken for specific image.)

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    Pledge $2,000 or more About $2,000

    The Royal Treatment! For footing the entire cost of publishing I, Humpty you will be immortalized in canon. Grimm Report contributor, Virginia Poltrack (virginiapoltrack.com), will draw a portrait of you. The image will be featured on a page in I, Humpty where you will be heralded as the book's Patron Saint. Your picture will be included in all future editions that I personally publish. You will keep the portrait. Your name will be included in one of the articles in the book. You will also receive one of the previously mentioned original Illustrations by Anna Milioutina. Plus three signed hardcovers of I, Humpty, the e-book, Puss 'N Boots t-shirt, a signed hardcover of Our Brothers Grimmest, and two paperback covers of Our Brothers Grimmest to share with others. And, of course, my sincerest gratitude! (I will choose the article your name appears in. Final portrait size is 9x12 on paper. It will be drawn in pencil, no color. The portrait will arrive to you unframed. Send several photos, and Virginia will choose the one that works best. I will have final approval of the Illustration to be added to the book.)

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Funding period

- (30 days)