$1,039
pledged of $18,000pledged of $18,000 goal
7
backers
0seconds to go
Funding Canceled
Funding for this project was canceled by the project creator on Oct 24 2016
Fork MortonBy Fork Morton
First created
Fork MortonBy Fork Morton
First created
$1,039
pledged of $18,000pledged of $18,000 goal
7
backers
0seconds to go
Funding Canceled
Funding for this project was canceled by the project creator on Oct 24 2016

About

We’re going to make you feel young again.

What adult doesn’t reflect fondly upon the highly successful children’s series “Choose Your Own Adventure”? The seemingly infinite amount of possible adventures, the trading of books and swapping of stories, how it was strictly forbidden as book report material? Well, we remember. And we want to bring it back.

Aging socialites and celebrities have taught us that when it comes to plastic surgery, no one wins (well, except the doctors’ pockets).

In “Lose Your Own Ending”, our transparent attempt at avoiding trademark infringement, humor is consistently chosen over happy endings. Our main character Lollie is a lonesome thirty-something, seeking plastic surgery as a cure-all to her First World problems. As the adventure ramps up and outcomes are chosen, no ending is better than the next. From botched procedures to incarceration to the cartel enslaving her augmented ass to traffic drugs, Lollie just can’t win.

 

The book features more endings than the number of Cher's plastic surgeries. Well, maybe. It's probably close.

With over 50 unique endings, imagine all the surgery fails and medical horrors to befall our poor little Lollie. Imagine all the amazing illustrations that will accompany these cosmetic catastrophes. Now, imagine how hard you'll laugh.

Due to high comedic content, Botox is recommended before reading this book. Your laugh lines will thank you.

We’ve also woven into Lollie’s tale trending topics such as zombies, drug lords, North Korea and the Kardashian clan. You could never predict all the ways we'll make you giggle and Lollie will lose!

 And more reasons why to show our campaign (and not Lollie) the love...

REASON 1: We're coffee table worthy. "Lose Your Own Ending: Featuring Lollie" is a full color, hardcover book printed on 105lb coated paper stock. High five!

REASON 2: We like to rhyme. Long time. OH, YEAH. The ENTIRE book RHYMES! Delight in our talent for pairing words such as “swan” and “knife-wand” and “eyes” and “meat pies” as you plot Lollie’s plastic surgery demise.

Click below for an even bigger bite of the hilarity to come.

 

REASON 3: Schadenfreude, you know you got it. Indulge that feeling of pleasure derived from another person’s misfortunes free from guilt as you pilot the downward spiral of our uber vain and vapid, Lollie.

REASON 4: Our rewards are really, super, awesome. Enjoy rewards you can't get anywhere else such as...

Lollie Magnet Set - Continue your reign of surgical terror beyond the book with our magnet set! A perfect way to take out the day's frustrations or simply pass the time as you cook.

DIY Cosmetic Surgery Kit - Wanna try before your buy? Or perhaps a tight budget is holding you back? Maybe you're just lazy. Well, this kit fits all needs. Enjoy full lips, taut skin, and alert eyes for a fraction of the cost and no recovery time needed.

 

Lollie Coloring Book - We bet you've never colored breast implants before! Well, get ready because this for-adults-only paperback promises many coloring "firsts".

REASON 5: Maybe your "friend" is considering plastic surgery? Chart out the possible outcomes and pitfalls before succumbing to the needle. Our book might help your "friend" avoid cat face or an unwanted trip to North Korea.

So what's the money for?

Though we can write, we cannot draw. Our current illustrations are only placeholders, so in addition to publishing costs we will also need to hire an artist to illustrate the unfortunate path of poor Lollie. Our goal amount includes the funds necessary to secure the best, most adventurous artist for the job.

Duck's attempt at illustration.
Duck's attempt at illustration.

Why should I back these bird people?

Firstly, because you can count on us to deliver. Having directed a successful Kickstarter publication in past, we know what it takes to publish an awesome book by the deadline promised.

And secondly, because you find it endearing that three adults walked into a photo studio donning bird masks. While others were waiting to take family photos, these three hams were sweating it out under rubber masks.

 

Risks and challenges

There’s always the risk of botulism and leaky implants! But seriously, our campaign has minimal risk and challenge. The book is written and our printer is local, so we are confident with our timeline and ability to deliver.

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Support

  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $5 or more About $5

    I BELIEVE IN YOU GUYS (a little bit)

    And we are grateful. Thank you for the vote of confidence and in return you'll receive an e-card courtesy of either Duck, Penguin or Parakeet.

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    Pledge $12 or more About $12

    IMMEDIATE LAUGHS

    An e-book delivered straight to your inbox! For those eager to plot Lollie’s plastic surgery demise, this reward is meant for you.

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    Pledge $26 or more About $26

    THE EARLY BIRD CATCHES THE BOTULISM

    Just kidding! But you will get the hardcover book at an amazing price.

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    Pledge $36 or more About $36

    THE SLEEPY BIRD STILL GETS A BOOK

    So you slept in and missed the early bird book? That’s okay. You can still enjoy your very own copy for just slightly more.

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    Pledge $50 or more About $50

    THE HEIDI MONTAG

    Let’s play Picasso with body parts! The augmentation options are endless when you own the hardcover book PLUS the e-book PLUS the Lollie magnet set.

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    Pledge $50 or more About $50

    THE CHER

    Together, we're going to turn back time with the hardcover book PLUS the e-book PLUS our DIY plastic surgery kit.

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    Pledge $56 or more About $56

    THE DOLLY PARTON

    Y'all will receive one SIGNED hardcover book PLUS the e-book PLUS our Lollie coloring book. Let’s get coloring on those Double Ks!

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    Pledge $75 or more About $75

    THE TARA REID

    We're going to get personal with two SIGNED hardcover books PLUS the e-book. So don't forget about us ...please?

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    Pledge $95 or more About $95

    THE WAYNE NEWTON

    You'll receive two SIGNED hardcover books PLUS the e-book PLUS our Lollie coloring book PLUS our Lollie magnet set PLUS our DIY plastic surgery kit. No danke schöns necessary.

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    Pledge $150 or more About $150

    THE SLY STALLONE

    Calling all budding writers! This reward tier entitles you to two SIGNED hardcover books PLUS the e-book PLUS author an ending for Lollie. You decide her fate and we’ll make it rhyme (and we’ll give you credit in the book).

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    Pledge $250 or more About $250

    THE KIM K

    If you’ve ever dreamt of a career change to zombie, cellmate or long lost Kardashian sibling, this tier is meant for you! You'll receive two SIGNED hardcover books PLUS the e-book PLUS we’ll add you as a character (of your choosing) in one of Lollie’s storylines.

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    Pledge $500 or more About $500

    THE LIL' KIM

    You'll receive two SIGNED hardcover books PLUS the e-book PLUS your very own, personalized gamebook. Suggest your story and we’ll make you most notorious.

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    Pledge $1,000 or more About $1,000

    THE MADONNA

    Enjoy two SIGNED hardcover books PLUS the e-book PLUS two Lollie coloring books PLUS two Lollie magnet sets PLUS two DIY plastic surgery kits. On top of that you’ll also suggest an ending, become a character and receive your very own, personalized gamebook. Why do you need all this? Because bitch, you're you.

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Funding period

- (30 days)