About this project
Achievement unlocked: raise 200% of stated kickstarter goal. You people are fantastic. FEEL FREE TO KEEP GOING! Some things that I can do with donations above and beyond: 1) cover all the fulfillment costs for the fabulous Incentive Opportunities in the right-hand column, 2) cover the kickstarter and amazon costs (they take a modest yet nontrivial cut), 3) make a FOURTH video! It will be for Power User, or Just Once, or Colonel Panic. Samples of those songs are on the CD page.
That was too much bold text. We now return you to your original Video Extravaganza pitch, already in progress...
Welcome to kickstarter, a magical land where people exchange money for promises!
Here's the promise: I will make you a kick-ass video for "Critical Hit," a song on my next album, Solved. We've got a shot list and a budget and shooting days and a crew, it's all ready to roll. I just need funding from everyone who wishes it would exist.
If you overfund this project by 50%, I will also make a wacky and poignant puppet video in Brooklyn, for the song "Stoop Sale."
If you make it to 100% overfunding ($20,000!), I will make three videos. The third one will be an animated action epic for the song "I'll Form The Head."
More about these songs and some audio clips, below.
Why are videos so insanely expensive?
That is a fantastic question. Unlike music, which I produce at home, and touring, which my band and I do by the skin of our teeth, a music video requires tons of people with talents and equipment that I don't have. Ten grand, it seems, is pretty darn cheap. MC Hammer spent over two million dollars on the video for 2 Legit 2 Quit, and that was miserable. I promise that my video (or videos!!) will, in contrast, be totally awesome.
Why should you foot the bill for my video(s)?
Maybe you think that I am a nice person and want to help me impose the nerdcore worldview on hundreds of thousands of new fans. Or maybe you like being in a secret club and getting the decoder ring.*
If you lean in the decoder ring direction, I have worked up a list of Incentive Opportunities, for you, the donator.
You will get to see the video before anyone else. I will carefully document its creation and share that with you. You'll get a DVD and other goodies in the mail. And if you want to get very generous, you can have your name in the credits or have me come to your home and rap to you.
Also, a robot (by which I mean computer process capable of executing work) will be programmed to pray for you. The robot will be praying for everyone who donates, so it is only fair that the more you donate, the more time and energy the robot will expend on your behalf, as it petitions its higher power(s) for your personal safety, your happiness, and your success.
There's plenty more, including an ELITE donation level at which you receive secrets known only the savviest of nerdfolk. See the list adjoining.
Get everything. All the things. Get them.
If you donate more than the minimum amount, you can have the incentives from the lower levels too. Thus, the top tier gets you the private concert, the custom song, the Executive Producer credit, the Ultimate Director's Cut DVD Package, the tour shirt, the tote bag, the comic about your mom, the certificate of how legit you are, the keygen, the adventure game beta, the ascii picture of my penis via SMS, the your-name-theme music, the behind-the-scenes pass, pre-release first look at the videos, and the prayer robot source code. Holy smokes.
What about those songs?
"Critical Hit" is a song about radio hooks, and about how I do not have any hooks on the radio but at least I am well respected by the critical establishment. The song goes on to point out that I am not well respected by the critical establishment. How can such a rapper insist that his music career is the result of a natural 20 roll?
"Stoop Sale" is the story of buying a mystical item off the street, out in front of my building one afternoon. The mystical item grants wishes! But actually only one wish, and you have to decide on it before you buy. Spoiler: there is a twist ending.
"I'll Form The Head" is an argument between three mech pilots who are fighting a galactic nematode at the outskirts of our planet's atmosphere. The scene is familiar... do these three perhaps fight space monsters every week, with predictably placed commercial interruptions? At the moment, they are fighting about who gets to be on top of the giant robot that they usually form. ZeaLous1 and Dr. Awkward guest-star.
*Did you say I can have a decoder ring?
Sort of! But no. You can't have a decoder ring, not at any donation level. Here's a handy guide to the Incentive Opportunity Donation Levels. The details are in the column to the right and they are pretty verbose because I seem to think I'm so hilarious. If you have any questions, drop me a line.
Yes! See the "Get everything" heading above.
When incentives appear at multiple levels, you are entitled to the BEST version at or below the donation level you choose -- thus, all producers get the Director's Cut DVD Package, ELITE donators get the full three-panel comic about their moms, and robot prayer maxes out at 400 hours/month (though you can of course use the source code to force a vast legion of robots to pray as often/piously as you see fit).
Sure. Lord knows we don't want the prayer robot wasting its time on you eHeathens.
Well, now that I think about it, the keygen for the Painstakingly Concealed Secret Track is kind of like a decoder ring, so let's change that answer to 'fine, you can have a decoder ring (for certain values of decoder ring).' See the $1337 Incentive Opportunity in the right-hand column.
I totally am. I will fly over to you (within the continental US) and do about 50 minutes of material in your home. You can invite whoever you like, but please remember that concerts require amplified sound, which will be your own personal problem. So I hope that you have a really gigantic stereo, or that you will be renting a PA system if you're trying to have the concert in your backyard. Getting a rap concert to sound nice is much harder than convincing a nerd rapper to show up at your house.
Please note also that the scheduling of this concert will be totally subject to my other commitments. Hopefully we can get it figured out for late autumn or early winter of this year.
Because of PBS and how good (by which I mean experienced/relentless) they are at begging money from fans. The bag will look like a regular canvas tote bag, and I will design an amusing graphic with which to emblazon it.
Probably 45 seconds to a minute. See the Sockington theme song or the Nerd Vs. Jock song I did for Hodgman, for reference. Non-commercial means it can't be an advertisement for a company or product. However, I am open to doing theme songs for your personal blog, non-profit podcast, or reasonably sized community site.
This, too, is subject to my other commitments, and I expect I'll be able to record after the fall touring wraps up in late November.
It is a proper interactive fiction game, meaning: no graphics! You take on the role of MC Frontalot on a particularly realistic day, as he sits around his apartment, tries to get a bowl of cereal from the kitchen, uses his computer a lot, and struggles to get out of the house in time to perform a rap concert.
I am not sure when it is going to enter Beta, but it edges ever closer.
If you are a boy person, yes. It is linked above. But! There's a ladies' version of the shirt in silver, and you could have that instead. See here: http://goo.gl/a5Dn9
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