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Too Liggett to Quit. JVA's advanced torso-swaddling technology can now be yours.
Too Liggett to Quit. JVA's advanced torso-swaddling technology can now be yours.
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38 backers pledged $1,645 to help bring this project to life.

About this project

$1,645

38

Columbus had Queen Isabella. Pizzaro had Emperor Charles V. Michelangelo had Lorenzo de Medici. What did they do with this deep-pocketed patronage? Got hopelessly lost, probably brought syphilis to Europe, and painted a ceiling. Whoop. Dee. Doo. We have grander plans.

This first shirt is an homage to JFA's 1983 "tour" T. It's dated, because we're only going to do these once we want you to be able to say you knew us way back when. Shirts will be American Apparel 50/50 shirts, available as either men's or women's cut, and available in your choice of four colors (named by someone else):

  • Athletic Blue: I guess the athletic part is that it looks used.
  • Athletic Gray: Just as sporty as the blue. But gray.
  • Tri-Vintage Green: Made with three different types of vintage, apparently.
  • Dirty Orange: Because normal orange is milquetoast and you need some strange.
We're not going to lie to you. We really want to make JVA T-shirts. What’s stopping us? Well, we want it to be personal. We could churn out tens of thousands of not-so-beefy Ts, fire them indiscriminately into crowds from fully automatic shirt cannons and basically flood the market, but that would just limit their future value-metric appreciation. It’s called economics. Look it up.

We want your JVA T-shirt to be just that. Yours. Like it’s already been spoken for. I don’t know, let’s make up a word for it: How about “beenspokedfor”. Or “bespoke.” Whatever. Making up words is hard.

To really forge that T-shirty connection between us and the people who aren’t us (that’s you) we're going to do what all the young kids do these days and whore ourselves out to Kickstarter for a measly 5%. That way no cottonweaving cotton weavers have to weave more cotton than is called for. Do it for the cottonweavers. Do it for us. Do it for the children.

We're doing shirts this way so that no one has to commit to a shitty shirt unless they really like it. And we don't have to commit to a shitty shirt unless enough people like them. We have a lot of terrible ideas, and sometimes we need the internet to remind us of that. Otherwise, we might just end up with a basement full of shitty T-shirt ideas. We’ve got some reservations about doing it this way. Let us tell you about them (our therapist won’t return our calls):

1. We’re worried that people will say "Selling T-shirts on Kickstarter is bullshit because Kickstarter is for REAL art like steampunk iPad holders and trustafarian travel journals." and you're totally right. We have no reply to that.

2. We’re worried that only two people will buy T-shirts (hi mom and dad!) and our cover will be blown. We've been telling everyone we're a superfuckingcool local cycling team that nobody really cares about, and this might prove us right. We have no reply to that either.

In conclusion, you should buy one of our shirts so that we can contribute in an apparel-y fashion to the cyclocultural zeitgeist. And every time you wear a JVA T-shirt we’ll be giving you a hug. At least once the restraining order expires.

Risks and challenges

I'm going to say that the risks to this project are minimal. We've been around for a while now, and our retailer accounts are full of glowing reviews like these:

"These guys may have the most hilarious web site on the planet, but they take their customer service real serious. Quick communication to confirm my order and lightning fast shipping restored my faith in humanity and people enjoying and taking pride in their stores as representations of themselves...well, you get the point. I only wish Team JVA sold dog food and art supplies too, because I hate dealing with the people at THOSE stores."

"Exceptional customer service. Speedy and friendly communication, lightning fast shipping, and even went out of their way to accommodate my request for a product they didn't even have set up for checkout on their site yet. Still got it processed and shipped out lickety-split. These guys are the best, and they're hilarious to boot. I'll be back for sure."

A super volcanic eruption might set us back, I suppose. But if that happens, you're probably going to have bigger issues than our T-shirt and you'll probably forget you sent us money at all. And we will be looking into the abyss of ash and fire, laughing at how perfectly is all worked out for us, collecting your cash without delivering our promised goods.

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Support this project

  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $5 or more About $5

    A JVA sticker. You can put it on your existing T-shirt and pretend. It's like a tip, because you like what we do but you're too cheap to buy a t-shirt. We totally understand. We're cheap too. We might put something else in the envelope, too, and it might just be a bar receipt. Only one way to find out.

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  2. Select this reward

    Pledge $18 or more About $18

    Our first T-shirt. Ever! An homage to JFA's 1983 "tour" shirt, we've swapped out Reagan for Ligget to make it topical. Includes shipping anywhere in the US.

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    17 backers
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  3. Select this reward

    Pledge $25 or more About $25

    Same T-shirt shipped anywhere in the world and we'll include a crudely hand-drawn national flag of your country. We won't cheat and look it up on the internet or anything!

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    12 backers
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  4. Select this reward

    Pledge $50 or more About $50

    We'll send you a T-shirt anywhere in the world. And we'll include a 5x7 glossy print of The Possum's "No Shame No Chamois" ass photo. Autographed. Honestly, we know that no one wants this. This is an awkward price point, and a picture of his ass was the easiest way to ensure that no one would order.

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  5. Select this reward

    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    You'll get our T-shirt, our cycling cap, and a tin of our custom embrocation that is guaranteed to warm both your legs and your genitals all winter long.

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  6. Select this reward

    Pledge $175 or more About $175

    A T-shirt, a JVA cap, and a JVA jersey in the size of your choosing. Shipped anywhere. This isn't just one of our nasty ass used jerseys sitting around. It'll be made just for you, and take 6 weeks.

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  7. Reward no longer available

    Pledge $250 or more About $250

    If you made it this far down the list, you're probably a CEO or the crown prince of something. So you get the royal treatment. A T-shirt, a JVA cap, a tin of our Royal Tendon Balm embrocation, AND either jersey/bibs OR our team-issue 3-D skinsuit in the size of your choosing. Made just for you to ocularly blow your friend's minds. We'll also throw in some 3-D glasses.

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    Reward no longer available 1 backer
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Funding period

- (30 days)