It’s assumed we know how to accurately hear what others are saying. But we don’t. Particularly with folks outside our tribe. I’m going to fix that with my first self-help book - Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? - and last book as I retire. And I want this book to be my legacy: so filled with new thinking, new skills, and new capability that the book will be a reference in the field of communication for years to come.
To that end, I invite you to:
1. help fund my book project while I write 24/7 for 6 months (due date with publisher AMACOM December 1, 2013);
2. participate as a writing buddy as I write.
Not only am I writing a book that breaks apart the listening process to offer the ability to hear what is intended and the skills to choose success in every conversation, but a book that is collaborative. I want you to write it with me. I want to add your voice, ideas, and dialogues into the book as I
I know that most of you have known me as a thought leader in sales for the past 25 years. As the developer of Buying Facilitation(r), I brought collaborative communication and a new decision facilitation model to the sales field and made a difference to many thousands of sales people worldwide in their success. Now I'm pushing the envelope and bringing my same focus on choice, respect, integrity, and true win-win collaboration into listening, to make new capability available and for all our communications to be authentic, successful, and accurate. We end up losing far too much business and and too many relationships when it's not.
Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? will offer the how-to of listening and enable folks to minimize biases, filters, assumptions, habits, and triggers to accurately hear what others are saying. For those who want to learn, there are listening exercises and assessments to cement the learning. But it's not boring: it's funny, fast-moving, filled with hilarious examples, and just a tad snarky.
Currently available books on listening discuss active listening or persuasion/negotiating techniques but not the innards of choice in how our brains and beliefs unconsciously bias what we hear, or what we can do to enhance our success in any situation.
If you’ve ever been frustrated when politicians
don’t listen to each other, or when your spouse insists you said something you
never said, you’ll want this book. If your doctor won't listen to you, you might want to give her a copy. When your teenager comes home at 4 a.m., make him read this book and do all the exercises.
- exercises and assessments,
- funny dialogues of people mishearing each
- new thinking from current brain studies
- my own work that breaks down the innards
of communication and the unconscious
Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard?
will take you down the journey of what listening is, how we do it, and why it
gets messed up. Then I teach you how to get it right. So what’s in it for you
is living in a world where people know how to care. There is a promotion that puts the book in
your hands, or the choices involved in listening accurately on your desk. A
promotion that will give you some of my sales books or the last copies of my
out-of-print cartoon book about making a difference. I’ll even come out to your
company to run a training program, or call you to help resolve a family,
personal communication, or sales problem.
And, since I’m just beginning the writing, you
can actually help. Imagine being instrumental in writing a book from its
inception as I develop new ideas and figure out how to write a cogent,
creative, and satisfying book that will, hopefully, become a bible for people
to use for years to come. There is a promotion that includes you on a
chat group to discuss the ideas and trajectory of the project and how the book
will be written, and a promotion to add dialogues to the book. There even is
the ability to talk to me before I write a chapter and share and create ideas that might
end up in the book.
I want the writing of this book to be as collaborative
a process as the act of listening. Together, we can make a difference. And
making a difference is my goal.
I have Asperger’s. I’ve been blessed with the
ability to break apart communication, recognize unspoken patterns, and make it
possible to enhance unconscious choices. I’ve done this since I was a kid, much
to the chagrin of friends, teachers, and husbands (notice the plural). I’ve
written books about it and developed models I’ve been teaching in sales and coined many of the terms involving the buy cycle and decision path currently in use.
But now, as I retire I want to make a bigger
difference than just in one industry and use my unique skills to facilitate
everyone’s ability to hear accurately.
never written a book and want to join me as I write one,
you’ve never thought up new ideas and want to see how an original thinker
you’ve always wanted to put your 2cents into a book that you’re reading,
you want to offer some ideas that will teach me things I don’t know and be
around for a discussion as the chapters get finished,
then together, we can
write this book. I’ve always written my books alone, and while writing is my
favorite thing in the world, I would like to use Kickstarter to find folks who
want to enhance my thinking process.
care about communication,
want to make sure it’s possible for everyone – everyone - to have the ability to
hear what others mean you to hear,
want to help bring a groundbreaking book to market,
help make it possible for me to get the book to
my publisher by year end. And, I promise to do nothing but write (and, just
fyi, my friends already have a feeding schedule for me. It’s the sleeping and
showering I sometimes forget.) so I can get the book out into the world as soon
Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? (tentative
title) will be published by the American Management Association as part of
their Communications imprint along with other well-known leaders in the field
of communication. I decided to go with a large publishing house because I want
the book to have a larger distribution than I have with my business audience.
- if teenagers could really hear their
parents and parents hear teenagers well enough to agree on curfews;
sellers and buyers really heard each other’s needs;
- if doctors and patients could understand
each other and agreed upon treatment options while avoiding denial and
managers listened so well to their employees’ fears that they handled problems
up front and avoided resistance.
Because of the way our brain is wired, it’s
actually impossible to not bias what we hear and impose our unconscious beliefs
and intent, and yet we believe we always hear accurately and our communication
partner is the one who’s nuts! Or we hear something that wasn’t said at all,
and base our actions on fantasy. But it’s actually possible to:
- have choice over how we listen
- choose what to listen for
- manage, shift, or reframe our natural
biases and filters
- hear what our communication partner is
- correct listening problems before they
By funding my book, I can write 24/7 until year end and get
the book to the publisher in time for it to be published in late 2014.
By funding the book, other visionaries and writers will have the chance to develop ideas with me to include as I write.
Thank you for funding this project.Thanks for making it possible for me to write and be creative. Thanks for sharing your voice and ideas. Imagine if we could all really hear each other. What a difference that would make.