Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard?
Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard?
Participate in a groundbreaking book on listening as its being written. Be the muse of a NYTimes bestselling author. Make a difference!
Participate in a groundbreaking book on listening as its being written. Be the muse of a NYTimes bestselling author. Make a difference! Read more
About this project
It’s assumed we know how to accurately hear what others are saying. But we don’t. Particularly with folks outside our tribe. I’m going to fix that with my first self-help book - Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? - and last book as I retire. And I want this book to be my legacy: so filled with new thinking, new skills, and new capability that the book will be a reference in the field of communication for years to come.
To that end, I invite you to:
1. help fund my book project while I write 24/7 for 6 months (due date with publisher AMACOM December 1, 2013);
2. participate as a writing buddy as I write.
Not only am I writing a book that breaks apart the listening process to offer the ability to hear what is intended and the skills to choose success in every conversation, but a book that is collaborative. I want you to write it with me. I want to add your voice, ideas, and dialogues into the book as I write.
I know that most of you have known me as a thought leader in sales for the past 25 years. As the developer of Buying Facilitation(r), I brought collaborative communication and a new decision facilitation model to the sales field and made a difference to many thousands of sales people worldwide in their success. Now I'm pushing the envelope and bringing my same focus on choice, respect, integrity, and true win-win collaboration into listening, to make new capability available and for all our communications to be authentic, successful, and accurate. We end up losing far too much business and and too many relationships when it's not.
Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? will offer the how-to of listening and enable folks to minimize biases, filters, assumptions, habits, and triggers to accurately hear what others are saying. For those who want to learn, there are listening exercises and assessments to cement the learning. But it's not boring: it's funny, fast-moving, filled with hilarious examples, and just a tad snarky.
Currently available books on listening discuss active listening or persuasion/negotiating techniques but not the innards of choice in how our brains and beliefs unconsciously bias what we hear, or what we can do to enhance our success in any situation.
If you’ve ever been frustrated when politicians don’t listen to each other, or when your spouse insists you said something you never said, you’ll want this book. If your doctor won't listen to you, you might want to give her a copy. When your teenager comes home at 4 a.m., make him read this book and do all the exercises.
- exercises and assessments,
- funny dialogues of people mishearing each other,
- new thinking from current brain studies and neuroscientists,
- my own work that breaks down the innards of communication and the unconscious
Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? will take you down the journey of what listening is, how we do it, and why it gets messed up. Then I teach you how to get it right. So what’s in it for you is living in a world where people know how to care. There is a promotion that puts the book in your hands, or the choices involved in listening accurately on your desk. A promotion that will give you some of my sales books or the last copies of my out-of-print cartoon book about making a difference. I’ll even come out to your company to run a training program, or call you to help resolve a family, personal communication, or sales problem.
And, since I’m just beginning the writing, you can actually help. Imagine being instrumental in writing a book from its inception as I develop new ideas and figure out how to write a cogent, creative, and satisfying book that will, hopefully, become a bible for people to use for years to come. There is a promotion that includes you on a chat group to discuss the ideas and trajectory of the project and how the book will be written, and a promotion to add dialogues to the book. There even is the ability to talk to me before I write a chapter and share and create ideas that might end up in the book.
I want the writing of this book to be as collaborative a process as the act of listening. Together, we can make a difference. And making a difference is my goal.
I have Asperger’s. I’ve been blessed with the ability to break apart communication, recognize unspoken patterns, and make it possible to enhance unconscious choices. I’ve done this since I was a kid, much to the chagrin of friends, teachers, and husbands (notice the plural). I’ve written books about it and developed models I’ve been teaching in sales and coined many of the terms involving the buy cycle and decision path currently in use.
But now, as I retire I want to make a bigger difference than just in one industry and use my unique skills to facilitate everyone’s ability to hear accurately.
- ·you’ve never written a book and want to join me as I write one,
- ·if you’ve never thought up new ideas and want to see how an original thinker creates them,
- ·if you’ve always wanted to put your 2cents into a book that you’re reading,
- ·if you want to offer some ideas that will teach me things I don’t know and be around for a discussion as the chapters get finished,
then together, we can write this book. I’ve always written my books alone, and while writing is my favorite thing in the world, I would like to use Kickstarter to find folks who want to enhance my thinking process.
- you care about communication,
- you want to make sure it’s possible for everyone – everyone - to have the ability to hear what others mean you to hear,
- you want to help bring a groundbreaking book to market,
help make it possible for me to get the book to my publisher by year end. And, I promise to do nothing but write (and, just fyi, my friends already have a feeding schedule for me. It’s the sleeping and showering I sometimes forget.) so I can get the book out into the world as soon as possible.
Did You Really Say What I Think I Heard? (tentative title) will be published by the American Management Association as part of their Communications imprint along with other well-known leaders in the field of communication. I decided to go with a large publishing house because I want the book to have a larger distribution than I have with my business audience.
- if teenagers could really hear their parents and parents hear teenagers well enough to agree on curfews;
- if sellers and buyers really heard each other’s needs;
- if doctors and patients could understand each other and agreed upon treatment options while avoiding denial and resistance;
- if managers listened so well to their employees’ fears that they handled problems up front and avoided resistance.
Because of the way our brain is wired, it’s actually impossible to not bias what we hear and impose our unconscious beliefs and intent, and yet we believe we always hear accurately and our communication partner is the one who’s nuts! Or we hear something that wasn’t said at all, and base our actions on fantasy. But it’s actually possible to:
- have choice over how we listen
- choose what to listen for
- manage, shift, or reframe our natural biases and filters
- hear what our communication partner is really saying
- correct listening problems before they occur.
By funding my book, I can write 24/7 until year end and get the book to the publisher in time for it to be published in late 2014. By funding the book, other visionaries and writers will have the chance to develop ideas with me to include as I write.
Thank you for funding this project.Thanks for making it possible for me to write and be creative. Thanks for sharing your voice and ideas. Imagine if we could all really hear each other. What a difference that would make.
Risks and challenges
The only risk is that I don't complete the book by year end, causing it to have a longer pub date.
And, given my history of writing 8 books, all in 4-6 months writing 24/7 (with friends occassionally feeding me), I see no reason to not have the book completed. Plus, I've already written 3 out of 12 chapters :) I also have built in a month's cushion, as AMACOM gave me a drop dead date of January 3, 2014 and I told her I'd submit the book December 1, 2013 just to keep me pumped.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
Because I’m contracted with a publishing house, I only get a small percentage discount from the cover price of a book. In other words, to send you a book, I must first buy it and pay for postage to get it to me. Then I send it to you. Plus I pay for the postage within the US from the funds I receive from the promotion. If I had self-published this book, I could have passed on the savings. Thanks for understanding.
Since you’re not a neuroscientist, how can I be sure I’m getting really original material and not just a regurgitation of active listening books, or commercial books on communication?
I have been developing communications material for 25 years. In fact, I’ve been creating original models on how to unwrap the unconscious choices in the brain since I was a kid. One of the joys of having Asperger Syndrome. And I’m lucky enough to be able to code it and replicate it for others to learn. For a great example of how I broke down the decision making, change, choice model, and how I broke down the systems and steps of change, read my book Dirty Little Secrets: why buyers can’t buy and sellers can’t sell and what to do about it.
When you write a non-fiction book, publishers want to see a very complete outline, a compelling proposal, and 2 chapters of your writing so they can see your style and how you approach the topic. Once they give you the go ahead, then you pick a date, design some working rules with your editor, and sit your tush on the cush.
Why aren’t you writing this book on airplanes and in hotels like other business book writers and not need funding?
I want to get this book out by year end. So I’m going to eschew any outside income and just write – hence the Kickstarter campaign. My friends who write their books on airplanes and hotels take 3-4 years to get their books out. You’re going to help me get it out at least a year early.
I know your groundbreaking work in sales. How do I know you can offer new material in the field of listening when you've not been doing this professionally?
I've been teaching "listening for systems" during my Buying Facilitation(R) programs for the past 25 years. I've broken down the listening process as a process, separate from the industry or use. This is not new material for me, I've just never written about it before. It is, however, new material for the listening industry as they currently base all of their learning and laddering models on the What and the Why, not the actual HOW and it's commensurate skill sets. Read some of the new book on my Kickstarter story page.
No. The promotions for other promotion vary, although everyone must wait for the pub date for the book to be sent out. Here are the dates for the other promotions: E-listening Choices: 1/14;
E-assessments: 1/14; Laminated Desk Guide: 1/14; Previous Sales Books: 9/13;
Conference Call: 11/13 Dialogue: 8/13; All Coaching promotions: Your choice of dates after 1/14 All Training & Consulting promotions: Your choice of dates after 1/14
Buying Facilitation Training: 1/14 Writer, Muse: 8/13
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