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The humor is in the horror; a satirical paradigm of zombies and douchebags and why neither make the world safe.


I think it should be mentioned first and foremost that this isn't a Kickstarter for an idea but for a very real and very finished product.  The pages have already been written, the illustrations crafted, the project organized and a local publisher contacted.  The objective here is to see this book published and to have it converted into an e-book.  The only remaining element is you and your desire to make all of this possible.  Thank you.


About This Book...

Imagine if, once upon a time, William Shakespeare went to pass a farmer's cart on the highway and the dude in the middle lane quickly spurred his horse forward just to block him in.  Then imagine if Shakespeare went home and wrote a play about the guy and called it Hamlet, Prince of Doucheland.

Or imagine Leonardo da Vinci spending years and years of his life painting the Mona Lisa only to discover his douchebag assistant had photobombed his masterpiece.

Renaissance Douche by C.S. Jones
Renaissance Douche by C.S. Jones

This book is kind of a mashup of those two situations except it's been produced by me as opposed to a Renaissance master and zombies were tossed in for added tastelessness.

Short story long, A Douchebag's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse is a 75-page color paperback compilation of my own artwork and humor written in seven chapters addressing seven different topics ranging from how the world ends to how a douchebag can become the leader of a ravaged planet.  Y'know, the important stuff.



No, as in "About this book... it's so odd!  Why in God's name did you write it?"

Oh, my bad.  I wrote this book as an homage to the immature little boy residing in all of us who refuses to grow up; the drunken one who didn't know he shouted the F-bomb at the office Christmas party until it went viral on YouTube, or the one who accidentally flipped a nun the bird as she drove 25 in a parking garage, or the one who ate glue just to see if his tastes had changed over the years.

This book is junk food for the soul and a momentary pause from all the tedium of political correctness, social responsibility, politics and religion (unless you happen to practice a religion in which the dead rise up from the earth and eat people).

Hunger Pangs by C.S. Jones
Hunger Pangs by C.S. Jones



So why zombies and douchebags?

Well, they say to write what you know.  I know some people who act like zombies and I know some douchebags who act like people and I thought they all could use a leg up.  Merging the two under one title just made sense, like chocolate and peanut butter... or peanut butter and herring.

You'll receive this custom desktop wallpaper with a backing of $15 or more.
You'll receive this custom desktop wallpaper with a backing of $15 or more.



I noticed the rewards are digital and emailed to backers.  What's up with that?

So as to keep costs low and to make gratification quick and painless, I thought it best to email my artwork to backers so they could print off as much swag as their hearts desired.  Why wait for the post office to deliver a single item when you can be emailed an item and reproduce two?  It goes along with that whole, "Email a man a fish and he'll eat it for a lifetime" thing.

Plus, more items placed in a package can slow its progress through customs for International backers and that would totally suck.

Receive these placards with a $20 or greater contribution, each with an illustration I designed for the book.
Receive these placards with a $20 or greater contribution, each with an illustration I designed for the book.



What about the book?  It isn't digital so when will it be distributed?

Once this Kickstarter ends and contributions are received my local book publisher, Greyden Press, estimates a two-week turnaround before the books can be shipped.  The books will be sent via Priority Mail through the US Postal Service to backers in the United States.  Please add an additional $10 to your contribution for international packages.

In any case the books should arrive well before the holiday season so when you think about your loved ones, think about zombies.

Santa Zombie by C.S. Jones
Santa Zombie by C.S. Jones

FAQ

Have a question? If the info above doesn't help, you can ask the project creator directly.

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  • Pledge $1 or more
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    Every dollar counts and to some it may not seem like much (what with the rising cost of vending machine sodas) but to me it means the world! As a sign of my appreciation I'd like to add your name to this book's Thank You page.

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  • Pledge $5 or more
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    $5? That's the price of a value meal! To think, you believe in this project more than you believe in clogging your arteries. Good for you! As a show of thanks your name will be added to this book's Thank You page plus you'll receive an exclusive Douchebag Card via email that you can print and give to all the special douchebags in your life.

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    Ok, $10 is like the cost of a date with a back-alley hooker. By supporting this book you're not only making my dreams come true, you're forcing hookers to find real employment in state and local politics. As a token of appreciation for your patronage your name will be added to this book's Thank You page, you'll receive the exclusive Douchebag Card and you'll be emailed my specially designed Bookmark to print and use as often as you'd like.

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    $15 is a night at the movies with your significant other if your significant other doesn't go, you attend a matinee, you skip the popcorn and if you shell out an additional $8 for one of those limestone-hard soft pretzels. By donating $15 towards this book you'll get the Thank You page thing, the Douchebag Card, the Bookmark plus you'll receive a 1680x1050 desktop zombie wallpaper to mindlessly stare back at you as you mindlessly stare at your computer.

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  • Pledge $20 or more
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    Ah, the national increment of douchebag ATM machines that won't give you $3.50 when you have $4 remaining in your checking account. As a thank you for saving up your pennies and withdrawing $20 to Stick It To The Man you'll recieve that whole Thank You mention, the Douchebag Card, the Bookmark, the Wallpaper plus you'll be emailed a set of 5 Douchebag Placards designed specifically for the book. Print them out, trade them with friends or exchange them for favors. Whatevs.

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  • Pledge $25 or more
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    2 backers

    THIS IS IT! Hold someone's hand as you stifle your pre-teen exclamation and dance on your tippy toes. With a $25 contribution you'll receive a mention in this book's Thank You page, a copy of the Douchebag Card, a bookmark, the desktop Wallpaper, 5 placards plus a copy of this book: A Douchebag's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse (in case some of you didn't know what web page you were visiting). Please add an additional $10 for packages shipped internationally.

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  • Pledge $35 or more
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    And for those wishing to steal my identity, a backing of $35 will see your book autographed by me. That's right! Not only will you receive all of the rewards up to the $20 tier, but I'll also take your brand-spankin' new book and write all over it.

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Funding period

- (32 days)