Spritzerville,…Ohio? is six interconnected, meaty tales wonderfully illustrated by Tommy Kovac's marvelous drawings, which illuminate the humorous, whimsical adventures of Bernard Wimple, hat man.
The height of Bernard's day would be to sell a Stetson, yet creatures of all kinds as well as excessive grandmothers conspire against his attempts to make a buck on a bowler. Ah, but he comes to realize there is more to life than making bank!
However, while we're speaking of money...
A lot goes into making a book. The cost of printing, editing, illustrations, design and all the little unexpecteds ding the crap out of your wallet! But this book means so much to me that I'm willing to beg. Don't like doing it, it's not my style, but without your help this simply won't happen.
I need to reach $1990 to cover costs. The way Kickstarter works is that if the goal isn't met, the money donated is returned and the project fails.
Every little donation gets the fantasy land of Spritzerville that much closer to becoming a reality! Yes, it could exist on-the-cheap as a digital version, but by reaching my goal I'll be able to do a print run, which will not only put a paperback book in your hands alive with Tommy's great drawings, but also it will reach the hands of reviewers. Without you and the good opinion of reviewers, how else will credible word-of-mouth spread?
Thank you for taking a moment out of your day for this project that is so deer to my heart…Can you imagine taking a deer to the heart? I was walking in the woods one day years ago and a deer, bolting full-speed, nearly plowed right into me. That would've hurt.
STORY SAMPLE! Below is essentially the book's entire intro.
Good day to you, sir or madam. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Bernard Wimple and although I haven’t read the book you are holding, I believe it was written about me. It must be so, otherwise why would they have asked me to give you some personal details with which they might cobble together some sort of introduction? Well, it’s not going to happen! You can put that right out of your mind! Oh surely I could tell you that I am the sole proprietor of Wimple’s, a haberdashery in the lovely little town of Spritzerville; that I live alone with my pet toady because my family up and vanished one day; or I could tell you intimate details such as that I haven’t quite found my one true love just yet.
However, I am a private man and these are all personal matters, so you’ll not hear about the cozy cottage I live in with its small patch of overgrown greenery in the back, which I vow will have a proper garden in it one of these days. No sir!...or madam…or whatever thing might be reading this. I don’t need anyone rooting around in my backyard, if you will, unearthing tales of my wayward and highly dependent brother licking lead paint off the bottom of rancid birdbaths, caressing other people’s elbows, and generally having to be reminded to breathe. My level of annoyance with my own family is my own business!
So you can imagine I was a mite bit troubled when I learned a book was being published about me. I assure you, none of these stories were written by me. They were written down by something called a brianwig. I am no man of science, but as I understand it, a brianwig is an insect the same size and shape of an earwig that crawls into your ear and wreaks havoc. Discovering I had one of these concerned me enough to do a bit of research on the matter, after I was done smacking myself in the ears that is. As it happens, brianwigs were meant to be called brainwigs, however, due to the common mistake people make of transposing the I and the A when writing either brain or Brian, coupled with the naturally poor spelling ability of scientists on the whole, the little beasty got stuck with the name brianwig. It also needed distinction from the common earwig, because earwigs do not necessarily crawl into your ear and start munching away, whereas brianwigs essentially do. That is to say - and this is the interesting part - they crawl on in when you’re unawares, hang out in the brain area feeding off your past thoughts and experiences. Then it exits the ear, having caused no harm, except for a few recorded cases in which victims claimed to have felt “severely grossed out.” After that it goes off and writes novels based on the stolen knowledge.
Disturbing? You’re darn tootin’! I mean, that’s plagiarism! Or so I imagined. I had a lawyer look into the matter and apparently a person’s thoughts only become their intellectual property when they write them down and sign their name to them. Since I am a salesman, not a novelist, that’s unlikely to happen, so I took another tack: I gave in and, to a certain degree, embraced the situation. After all, it’s not every day one has an autobiography written about them by someone else. And honestly, there was really no other choice. I may not be happy about it, but I’ve been assured that although he’s a bit prosy and adds his own flourishes now and then, my particular brianwig - this Koivu fellow - while no Shakespeare, could be worse. At least he’s not in and out of my ear incessantly like that brianwig by the name of Stephen King. No, Koivu pops in, takes a few notes and then goes back to his squalid little abode to whip up some cracking good tales, so I imagine. All the same, don’t believe everything you read! I’m sure there’s some terrible lies about me herein. Writers will be writers, so you must allow for poetic license…hmmm. Does anyone know where they obtain those licenses? And can they be revoked at all?
Risks and challenges
The challenging part is done…well, the challenging parts. It's been written. It's been edited.
But now comes the bit I don't have much experience with, the production. Having worked on newspaper and zine layout, I do have some dusty old knowledge of how it all works still clunking about in the ol' noggin. Plus, I've already picked out what seems like a reliable printer, who was recommended to me by a friend, so if this all goes belly up, blame Alex. :)
Seriously though, I am confident that with a bit of effort the end product will meet the vision I had at the start of this project - a book filled with contemporary silliness and reminiscences of yesteryear.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (41 days)