introducing Kelly Wand
Hi, my name’s Kelly Wand. You may know me best as the author of this sentence, as well as 2008’s Jumper videogame. You may also know me as the voice of the crotchety sex-hating synopsologist on the Quarter to Three movie podcast, or as the guy Tom Chick claims “tricked” him into losing Starcraft II by getting him drunk on hard cider, or even from my older work, such as playing the wizard character, “Gandalf”, in Peter Jackson’s popular “Lord of the Rings” children’s films. Although Tom massaged parts of this text, I'm quasi-here to wheedle you to contribute to Tom vs Bruce to help them reach their stretch goal of $12,500, in which case I will contribute words such as these to one of the articles in the Tom vs. Bruce Experiensation 2012, although ideally I’ll at least rearrange them slightly once the check’s cleared in the interest of plausible deniability.
Why words at all? you ask. First off, that’s barely a sentence. This is why you should leave it to the professionals. Secondly, to satisfy a deathbed promise I intend to make some day, mostly to myself although there will likely be a robot-nurse present along with several loyal fans (of the nurse’s), a solemn vow to have left the Internet slightly more cluttered with tripe than how I found it. Also, maybe to get Bruce to renew my weed card, and to finish my Dwarf Fortress tutorial from '07, and to replace my brain with silicone, which I know secondhand works with other stuff. So in the interest of science fact, please support Tom vs Bruce to make both their worlds a better place than each other’s. Thank you for your time, or if you only skimmed this vitally important message, thyfoyotime.