yes yes the update is nice we all need to pay if we didnt so lemme have a nes update
I often order from a company which has people check over the inventory before it gets sent out. Usually it's something like "Thanks for the order! :)", emoticon included, written in pen with each item ticked off.
Last time I ordered, I got an invoice in black sharpie, no tick marks, that just said "THANKS FOR THE MONEY", in all caps. I wasn't shocked when it was wrong.
That's lacking in tact. You're nitpicking. You owe money because you made a pledge, and then added onto that. It'd be similar to if you bid on an item on ebay; you owe them money, whether you or them have the item or not.
You talk about having a "tact-o-meter", but you need to back that up with an eye for detail you sorely lack. Revision #1 is a mess of words because you either added "in the" or forgot "mail", although I hope not the latter, because it's email. Revision #2 is clunky wording, because nothing is being "top[ed]-up", a bill is being settled. Revision #3 includes a possible lie in saying the goods cannot be manufactured until payment is made, which, as far as I'm aware, is incorrect, they're merely not being sent until payment is received.
So should we use the original version, which is straight and to the point, or yours, which had awkward wording, mishandled sentences, possibly directing people to the wrong method of delivery, and a probable lie?
That's where publicists and sales guys (like myself) differ from other folks, I guess. Our tact-o-meter goes off when we sound even a little abrasive. Asking for money is hard, yes. Doubly hard when it's requesting for an investment/crowd-funding when there isn't even a product/service yet for people to "owe monies" to.
As as example, here's what I'd write so that it wouldn't seem like people owe me but more like I owe them for their generosity.
Original- Just a quick heads up, if you owe monies for the extras you added - you should be receiving a paypal invoice in the amount that you owe.
Revised- Just a quick heads up, if had added any extras - you should be receiving a paypal invoice in the with the same additional amount.
Original- If you have a question about the amount you owe, please send an email to (snip,snip)
Revised- If you have a question about the top-up amount, please send an email to (snip,snip)
Original- Thank you for paying your invoices promptly. Rewards can't be sent until you pay
Revised- Thank you for paying your invoices promptly. We can't manufacture your rewards until your funds had been received.
@BlackGauntlet - How else do you tell people they owe you money without saying "you owe me money"?
The update is centered around money a lot but it still is friendly and does the job right, I don't see a problem with it. On the contrary, it's rather thorough, concise and precise.
At least they didn't send two guys with cricket bats round to your house at 2am!
Asking for money is always slightly awkward (especially here in the U.K.). I can't really see any other way they could have phrased it.
Anyway, looking forward to Aeons End!
@BlackGauntlet - every time I have been to a restaurant, stay in a hotel, ordered something online, etc I am presented with a bill.
If you asked to get the Aeon's End accessory pack but didn't include the $20 cost in your kickstarter pledge amount, then you owe $20. This update was to give people a heads up that the bill was coming, so they don't think it is a scam. I don't see that any special tact is required to ask people to pay for items that they wanted.
"Owe monies" for add-ons? Geez... that's tactful. I don't know who wrote that but think back to any one occasion where a service staff had ever told you, "Thanks for your patronage. You owe us $22.15 for our services."