(8/8) $4000 and one last stretch goal!
$2000 – Men of Death*Star Calendar - Achieved
$2250 – Exclusive Kickstarter Track - Achieved
$2500 – Video Mini-Doc - Achieved
$2750 – Slap Wrap Bracelets - Achieved
$3000 – Exclusive 10-track digital mixtape – Achieved
$3250 – Instrumental tracks from The Prequel – Achieved
$3500 – First Music Video Survey and Bloopers - Achieved
$3750 - Riff Trax and Reviews + Magnet - Achieved
$4000 - Death*Star - The Live Streaming Experience - Achieved
$4500 - Girly Shirts and Prizes - On Our Way!
WOW!The Phase II Goals are complete.We're at $4k and well past our goal.So let's try and hit 300%.Why not?!You are all so amazing and this has been an incredible experience.We're going for one last pitch.We can't wait to get started on these, get you guys our new album, and everything!
$4500 - Girly Shirts and Prizes
Death*Star will provide female cut shirts to any who donated at shirt level for no extra fee.Anyone who wants to increase their donation to get a shirt will need to let us know.We are also running prizes for any new donations or increases of donation of $10 or more.TWO prizes to anyone who donates or increases donation by $25 or more!
This is the final sprint folks!Let's get to that 300% number.We definitely want to get more donors, more money, and give you more stuff!
Original Post And Description
Death*Star, your favorite Nerdcore band (we assume your taste in Nerdcore is terrible), has been invited to this year’s Nerdapalooza (yay!). We are all broke (boo!). We will definitely reach our destination, on the scheduled date, ready to rap and dance awkwardly; nothing will stop us. We would appreciate the opportunity to arrive as gentlemen of substance, style, and pinace. We want to a void a trip wrought with peanut dinners and discount, store-brand sodas. We wish to not be seen as northwest naves, serfs of Seattle, or peasants of Portland (Note: none of us are from Portland). So we’d like to make you a deal.
Death*Star is currently hard at work (fat at work) recording our third album, The Prequel, slated for release August 30th. It’s a solid album with the kind of quality you’ve come to expect and dread from Death*Star and we feel like it’s pretty alright; there’s an outside chance it could be in our top ten albums of all time. You were probably going to buy (torrent/stream) it anyway so why not turn that purchase into a show of support for the loveable (loatheable) losers you keep trying to convince your friends are actually good. You understand Kickstarter, we understand Kickstarter, so let’s cut to the chase. We’re offering up some pretty cool perks at a cost much lower than you’re likely to see in a Kickstarter by other artists because we want to make sure you get your money’s worth. In return for the deep discounts and deeper rarities you can rest assured that your money got us out of Washington for a few days, wreaking our “art” on the unsuspecting citizens of Orlando instead of stinking up your home town.
Plus, we would think it would be very cool of you. And we know cool, we’re a Nerdcore band.
Brass tax (or brushed nickel), we have an album we’re giving a two-week sneak preview to for anyone who donates to our Kickstarter. The Prequel, filled with songs about sex, sandwiches, sadness (in that order) and sanguiness suckers, is going to be exactly what a crowd, our crowd, wants from Nerdcore. We want you to have it early all for the low-low cost of, well at least 10 if you want the album though you can give us less and receive our ongoing (quickly forgotten) thanks.
Now if Death*Star is known for anything, it’s our generous (all be it lumpy) packages. We put those packages on display for you through this Kickstarter and hope that you find them enticing. However, if you don’t see what you want on the menu, donate a dollar and make your request and we’ll try to whip out something just for you at a price you can afford (I think this is a penis joke).
The Prequel - $10
This is the album. If you don’t know what this is by now, you randomly skipped to this part of the Kickstarter. For a single Action Jackson you can have a digital copy of it. Not on 8/30 when it releases to the public, but two weeks in advance; 8/16. A Death*Star album is 20 tracks (usually with a hidden track). That’s just shy of John Kennedy coin (let’s call it a Bobby) per track. Well you’d have to be as lazy as Taft and as dumb as Hoover not to cop it! Like a young Harding you…. Okay, we’ll stop with the presidential references. Just grab that early copy (well, electronically grab it).
Side of Fries - $20
You like your media like you like your Death*Star – HARD. We’ve got your hard right here with a physical copy of The Prequel as well as one of our currently-unreleased-online EPs. This is a Death*Star double-team that’ll leave your earholes uncomfortably sore but your wallet American-ly fat.
The Clothes Off Our Backs - $25
Show your open support for Death*Star by showing your open disdain for Death*Star! We’ve got a Kickstarter-exclusive t-shirt: “Death*Star: Not Really a Fan”, a sentiment widely expressed by an audience of confused multi-album owners. This shirt will not only be unavailable after this Kickstarter (shipped to you on 9/3, the number of the BEST!), but we may deny having created it at all, giving you an air of mystique as you sport your “homemade” hate mail to us at our next seedy bar show. The Prequel will show up in your Inbox on 8/16 digitally, so you won’t have any witnesses to say you don’t truly hate us the way you say you do, baby.
The Cloak of Failure - $40
Physical AND digital copies of The Prequel and a bonus EP are YOURS, because redundancy prevents needless replacement purchases! Also, you get a copy of the “Not Really a Fan” t-shirt, because hypocrisy is a word you don’t understand (just don’t tell 3PO, because he’ll think less of you). This is essentially everything you could possibly want from us if you only want really obvious stuff from us, so if you’re not sure what to get, we’ve made it easy for you. Like your mom.
Goonlight Serenade - $50
You’re getting a digital copy of The Prequel; let’s just get that out of the way now.
Let’s think bigger. Let’s think personal. Let’s think “I want Death*Star to dance for me”.
This is the chance to make us do a song YOUR WAY. Do you have an idea for a song you’d like us to write that we keep putting off because we’re awful, awful people? Do you want a beat from Bill Beats to rap over, but he won’t talk to you (and you don’t realize that he doesn’t possess a tongue)? Do you want to collab with us on a track but find yourself too shy to make the request? Buy the rights and own our asses for one entire track. You choose what it’s about, you direct everything from the choice of sample on up, and we make it a completely collaborative process and credit you as a co-writer on the track (unless you just want a beat, in which case it’s yours and you do what you want with it and we don’t get to touch it). This is a really solid opportunity to get what you want out of us (or play a really elaborate and awesome practical joke on us).
For those that don't know, here's what we sound like below! This was featured on the Nerdcore Now Volume 1 album as well as our last album, A New Dope!
Joke’s on You - $60
We know you listen to Death*Star for the skits; hell we PEFORM Death*Star for the skits. That’s why we’re offering to be on one. Or rather, get your name called out on a skit ON THE PREQUEL! You donate $60 and you get to hear your name in one of our 5 skits on the album less than 10 days after the kickstarter raps (bad pun). Also read your name in the donators section of the liner notes. Also play your name for other people, because you’ll have a digital copy of The Prequel and the bonus EP. Screw it, we’ll send you the physical copies and the “Not Really a Fan” shirt as well. Let us say your name. Please, let us say your name. Your name.
Geek Enough for Everyone - $80
You want more than a skit? You say you want all the physical and digital Prequel + EP related materials and the exclusive shirt, you want to be in the liner notes, you WANT your name in that skit(s), but you want more? Well too bad! Just give us more money. …Fine! How about you join in on our follow-up to The Prequel single, Every Kind of Nerd (name subject to change). Being a geek isn’t all about failing with the opposite (or same sex) and lonely nights with a chafed set of genitals and an empty bottle of lotion next to your computer. It’s about what you’re into, whether it be D&D, Fantasy Football, Dr. Who, physics, classical art, or a deep and disturbingly complete knowledge of reality shows and the “stars” that appear on them. We want you to record 3-5 seconds of you stating what makes YOU a nerd, or what YOU’RE obsessed with and we’ll put it in our single. Throw in an extra $20 and we’ll have you record 10 seconds of you doing that thing (please no masturbation, we’ve got that covered) for our music video that will be accompanying this single. Get a chance to live with us BEYOND The Prequel.
All the World’s a Stage, and We the Fools - $100
In the dawn of the Gygaxian era, when the sun burned gentle and the stringed minstrels whaled with wah pedals and plucked and slapped at their sizzling, sparking instruments of mirth, Dungeons and Dragons was birthed. A simple (not even kind of) set of rules to taunt and tickle with fables of flaunt and fancy and ferocious fights. Here now, we see our two jesters do play in mirth at this, and other, tabletop tale telling. But what role should the clowns adorn themselves? Shall they be brawny and brooding, or baffled buffoons? Shall they imitate and honor the characters known, or be woven into a fresh protagonist (or antagonist) to entertain and delight (this is exhausting). Okay, you create a character for tabletop (which we play, of various types, every Thursday) and we play them. Not half-assedly but WHOLE-ASSEDLY! We will record this task and upload it to Youtube for your entertainment. This character can be as deep or as general as you like, but please, nothing outright offensive. We do not shy from extremes, but shock-for-shock’s sake is pointless. Also, the physical and digital LP and EP, as well as the exclusive shirt will show up in/at your email/door.
Bespoke Death*Star Musiques - $250
Have you ever loved something so much you needed someone else to ruin it for you, forever? Who better to fart on your beloved than Death*Star? This is your chance to collaborate on an entire EP (five songs, 3 skits) where you dictate the tone, content, lyrics, and style, and we provide the “talent.” This EP will be tailor made for you with your input and when it is done YOU decide what becomes of it. As if that weren’t punish…err…prize enough, you get Death*Star’s entire digital back-catalog (including our solo work) AND The Prequel and bonus EP in both physical and digital form, along with the exclusive shirt, “Death*Star: Not Really a Fan”.
Another classic Death*Star Song from our last album, A New Dope, titled "Broken Robots"
Remember that time you were in that video? - $350
Death*Star is taking the obvious next step in pointless artistic endevours by shooting a series of videos for our most popular tracks. Why not save us from ruining these songs by ruining them yourself? You can appear in one of our upcoming videos for the song of your choice (from a list provided. We’re not doing a video for Rap Fish, don’t ask*) and tell everyone that doesn’t know any better that you’re in the band. Along with this you get an inbox filled to the brim with mediocre rhymes (our entire back-catalog) as well as The Prequel and bonus EP in digital/physical form. You can even wear your exclusive “Not Really a Fan” shirt while IN the video. We do not have a shooting schedule yet, but you can bet it will be in the first half of 2014 (that’s a risky bet, but aren’t we worth the risk? No? Oh, well then…). We will MAKE SURE that this video is shot in the first half of 2014.
*Rap Dog may be negotiable
One of the Gang - $500
We get it, you don’t like paying for things. Why not celebrate that fact by paying us to never have to pay us again? You will be on the guest list for every Death*Star event we will ever play. Show at a seedy saloon in SoDo? You’re in! NorwesCon NorBEScon? You’re in! White House Correspondence Dinner (really?)? You’re in! You may have to be game for a little heavy lifting and trickery, or a disguise as Bill Beats’ seeing-eye dog, but where we go, you go. Forever. Between shows you’ll just have to make due with our entire catalog of music digitally, plus physical copies of The Prequel, the bonus EP, and a physical copy of the exclusive shirt “Death*Star: Not Really a Fan,” because a digital copy of a shirt is pretty pointless.
Grand Moff You - $1000
You have entirely too much money. We want it and we won’t stop till we have it. And by “won’t stop,” we mean won’t stop giving you stuff! (That was terrible) Stuff like albums, singles, shirts, posters, and anything else we happen to make as Death*Star (or individually as a member of Death*Star) will all be yours. If we have it early, you get it early. You will also get on the guest list for shows, so you don’t even have to pay to see us. You’ll get everything we’ve made in the past, everything we’ll make in the future, and everything we will have had made to make in the future of the past. This, of course, includes exclusive Kickstarter related shirts, music, and really, well, at this point it is obvious, everything we would ever charge for is yours, free, for life.
Mountain to Death*Star - $1500
Sure, you can hear Death*Star from anywhere, but you can only smell us up close. Why should Seattlelites get all the sweaty, after show hugs and musky aromas of the infamous (in-not-famous) trio while you’re left in your cold, dark, forgotten corner of the country? The time for solitude away from your beloved, belly-full balladeers is past! Donate and we’ll fly you to the Emerald City (marijuana is legal here, just saying; also gay marriage). We’ll put you up in a hotel for a couple nights, tour your around town, perform a show in your honor with other geek artists, give you half-hearted back rubs, barrow stuff from you, watch cat videos on Youtube, take you out to eat, stare at you while you eat, ask if you’re gonna finish that, because if you weren’t we would, not that have to, don’t feel obligated, oh alright, just a nibble. Seriously, two nights in Seattle with Death*Star. Give us time to set up the show, the flight, and the hotel and we’ll hang out Death*Star style (mostly watching TV?) NO PARANTHESIS, NOT MOSTLY WATCHING TV! Also the complete digital catalog, including The Prequel and EP, and the exclusive shirt to add insult to injureeerrr spice the pot (again, legal marijuana).
Death*Star to the Mountain - $3000
You can’t be bothered to make an uncomfortable plan trip to Seattle to watch us muddle through an indifferent set. Dangit, if Death*Star is going to rap for you we’re going to rap in your backyard! We will come to you in all of our corpulent glory and show you the power of this marginally operational battle station. We’ll setup a show, with your help, find artists and a hotel to stay in. You’ll get us, like an unwanted rash, on you for 48 hours. Two night stay in your town (or a town near you if you live in like, some sort of weird bunker or compound, or worse; on a farm) and a we’ll enjoy YOUR culture. If you’ve got the money, we’ve got the time. Complete back-catalog, The Prequel and bonus EP in physical form and exclusive shirt provided.
So that about wraps up the whole spiel. Death*Star would appreciate your consideration of our products and services in your monthly bills for the rest of July and beginning of August. Please feel free to indebt yourself, take out a second mortgage, or otherwise financially cause yourself ruin for our desire to not go so deeply in debt for Nerdapalooza 2013 that we’ll be paying it off until Nerdapalooza 2014.
And as a final musical punishment, The Quick and the Dead, off of our first full-length album, The Fandom Menace.
STRETCH GOALS PHASE I COMPLETED
$2000 – Men of Death*Star 2014 Calendar - ACHIEVED!
If we manage to reach this level, we will release the Men of Death*Star 2014 Calendar. That’s right, 12 months of the sexiest fat men and little boy-Bill Beats you’ve ever seen. Cherub choice of man-meat in February? Check! Shaking our cotton-tails in April? You know it! Liberty and lust for all in July? OH YEAH! From drunk and Irish to seductive Santas, we’ll have every month laid out for every donator on Kickstarter at the $10 level or higher. For those that bought digital product, they get a digital copy. For those that bought physical product, they get a physical copy. That’s how it works folks. Death*Star, all year long in 2014!
$2250 – Kickstarter Song - ACHIEVED!
On top of the calendar, which is amazing, should we hit this mark we’ll release a song about our experience with Kickstarter. This song will be free for everyone who donated. It will not be released outside of this project and its donators. It is our thank you for giving us so much support. This will go to EVERYONE who donated, regardless of level.
$2500 – Mini-Doc Nerdapalooza Experience - ACHIEVED!
The song, the calendar, and a mini-doc (roughly 30ish minutes) about Death*Star’s journey to Nerdapalooza! See us tired at the airport! See us tired at the hotel room! See us sleepy at the convention! See us fuck up our shit live on stage at Nerdapalooza. Drinking, interviews, and other fun to be had. This will be released digitally first to the Kickstarter donators, and then go on Youtube a month later. We promise to entertain, offend, and be shirtless frequently during this doc.
$2750 – EVERYONE GETS SLAP WRAP BRACELETS - ACHIEVED!
EVERYONE that donated $10 or more gets a slap wrap bracelet! GET IT!
$3000 – Exclusive Kickstarter Mixtape - ACHIEVED!
Hopefully, you like Death*Star for the music. This stretch goal gets you exactly that. A 10 Track Mixtape just for Kickstarter fans. 10 tracks and 3 skits in Mixtape form, delivered to everyone who donated $10 or more to our kickstarter via digital copy. This will be released in the first half of 2014 and will be exclusively yours for ONE WHOLE YEAR FROM IT’S RELEASE! We will not release it on youtube, bandcamp, press it to an album, or leak it outward. Only the donators of Kickstarter will have these 10 tracks from Death*Star on beats from artists like Dan the Automator, Del the Funkee Homosapien, and uhm… I don’t know, maybe another Coldplay beat?
$4000 and Beyond - ????
Continue to peel away the banners to reveal the sexy!Continue to peel away the banners to reveal the sexy!
Phase II Stretch Goals - Complete!
$3250 – Digital copy of the instrumentals from The Prequel - ACHIEVED!
Love those Death*Star beats but hate all the rapping in front of them? Well, first off, you’re a jerk, but we also love you so we will give you what you want.Instrumentals of all of the tracks featured on The Prequel will be provided happily and freely in digital form to every donator $10 or over. That’s all of Bill Beats smooth production unharmed by the ridiculous vocal style of two fat guys who can barely breathe between verses.
$3500 – Decide our music video AND obtain our failure! - ACHIEVED!
If we get to $3500 we will send out a survey for the donators to pick a music video from our three albums to record.We have a director and camera, but we want YOU to decide what song we do. We’ll get it back to you as a video in 2014, listing all the Kickstarter Donators in the credits under special thanks.
… that’s not enough.Screw it, we’ll kick you audio outtakes from recording the skits for The Prequel, as well as upload variant versions yet to be released of Death*Star’s Kickstarter video that were much sleazier, weirder, and WAY too long to put up as our Kickstarter video. Death*Star, failing hilariously and wasting your time in your inbox and on your computer. That’s why you love us right?
$3750 – Rifftrax and Reviews – Judgment Day!+ BONUS MAGNET - ACHIEVED!
At $3750 we will do a few things for you. First, we’ll do a video review of our own album, The Prequel. We will not be kind. Nobody dislikes Death*Star like the members of Death*Star! We’ll upload it to Youtube for your viewing pleasure.It will be fun (or terribly hurtful to our self-confidence, we don’t know yet). We will do a series of these videos, one a month through the year of 2014. Now these can be rifftrax in the classic MST3K style on movies/episodes. It can be a review of an album or movie, whatever you like.That means that we’ll pick the top 12 recommendations from the donators on Kickstarter and review what YOU want us to review. Expect sexual references, borderline racism, sarcasm, and slurred laughing.We’ll likely be drunk.
ALSO, bonus fridge magnet to everyone who donated $10 or more. That’s right, we’ll be doing a magnet of our infamous Death*Star: Zombie Star shirt. Image below.
Magnet will be circularMagnet will be circular
$4000 – Death*Star: The Live Experience - ACHIEVED!
Death*Star will setup a concert.We will film said concert. There will be food specials. The concert will be free.We will also be a live recording of the concert. Oh, and this will all be live streamed to the web. The live video will go up on Youtube. The live album will be sent to every Kickstarter donator of $10 or more. We’ll be performing songs from across multiple albums and rambling on for an hour! Experience Death*Star in their truest form, out of breath and sweaty!
Risks and challenges
“Death*Star, you’re offering so much content, how are you going to meet all of it?” We have discussed as a band and our goals for all new content (custom songs, EPs, videos) will be fulfilled in the first six months without problem. As each of you donate, those donations will add up to a LOT of work for us generating new songs on things like “Goonlight Serenade” and “Bespoke Death*Star Musiques” but it is content we WANT to put out. We will be working on it from the moment the Kickstarter is finished and feel that 9 months is more than enough time to deliver all of these.
When you donate, it is first-come-first-serve. We take an average of one day to make a beat, 2 hours to write to it, 2 hours to record and 1 hour to master. Essentially, creating, writing and recording every 5 songs will take roughly one month. We are offering, in theory, a total of 30 songs, which means 6 months! We’re giving ourselves note-able wiggle room at a casual pace, but the hustle and commitment is guaranteed!
As far as the shirt/physical media goes, that’s all in place already. The Prequel is happening, Kickstarter or no. The shirt is as simple as getting sizes and delivering them to you. None of this is new territory. When it comes to concerts and the larger items to do that, we will plan that with the individuals and that planning starts the moment the Kickstarter finishes.
If you have any concerns, please, communicate them and we will talk with you and assuage those fears.
The final goal of getting to Nerdapalooza is happening regardless of Kickstarter. There should be NO worries there. Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (30 days)