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A comedy webseries offering surreal lessons in Babeness. Think Vogue meets Tim & Eric.

BabeAbility is a comedic webseries teaching lessons in femininity with a surreal twist. Intended for women, but the boys like too! The core mantra of BabeAbility—"Maximize Your Allure"—is both an embrace and a send-up of typical womanly advice, which often amounts to "don't be ugly." 

Oh, and there's aerobics?

Creator and hostess Zopi Kristjanson recruits outstanding 'babes' from the art and music scenes to star in and help design each sketch.  Feminine stereotypes—witch, princess, femme fatale—are played out with a self-awareness that upends the typical sexist narrative. All this is wrapped in a tight design aesthetic, rad music, and extensive effects/animation to create a funny and surreal ride that maintains sex appeal.

At the very least, some 16-year-old in the suburbs can whack off to it.

BabeAbility features genre-bending sketches centered around a single theme, including a workout with musical guest.

As seen in Episode 1 "Always Bet on Black," Zopi Kristjanson hosts the show and guides the babes through the lessons. The show opens with a smörgåsbord of film and television clips showing Witch Babes in action, while Zopi explains the virtues of dabbling in the black arts. A spellbinding silent film illustrating The Rites of the Black Sabbath follows. The episode is punctuated by quick tips such as "Keep It Clean," where a witchy 60's house wife wrestles with the rats in her cupboard. Finally, Jeffrey Lynn from Electric Light Orchestra appears (via wooden cut-out) to lead the Babes through a broom-based work-out to the tune of "Evil Woman."

Zopi shot Episode 1 in September 2012 on a small personal budget and through generous favors from friends in the film and lighting business.  A scrappy cast and crew—the 'Babes' plus Ian Cone and Shorty Bedford—were paid in nothing but spaghetti with meatballs and cheap red wine. Visionary editor/animator James Sumner III agreed to work for a reduced rate of Delia's Chicken Sausage.

The project was—comment est-ce qu'on dit?—a Labor of Lust. 

To get the word out, Zopi formed the BabeAbility/ELO Spectacular—a staged performance of cool dads who played Electric Light Orchestra songs while the Witch Babes danced in unison with brooms. And the crowd went wild. They were also able to flaunt their broom-twirling skills in the Little Five Points Halloween Parade, attended by 35,000 Atlantans every year. It was a dream come true. And in December 2012, "Always Bet on Black" premiered at the Bad Bitches Festival, a showcase of works by women from the Literary, Burlesque, Film and Music scenes. The world was never the same.

With your help, we can make the next three episodes and make them REALLY awesome. As a multi-part show, shot in a variety of locations, with a large cast and heavy post-production (not to mention real horses), BabeAbility has a lot more overhead costs than the average podcast or webseries. Your backing means everything to us: bigger & better sketches, green screens & soundstages, professional lighting & sound, hiring musicians to score the workouts, and more extensive animations & puppetry. Check out what we have in store:

Episode 2: French Babes 

with musical guest Elise Tippens

Oh là là! This episode will include a French New Wave intro, cat dancing instructional, a jaded billionaire super-hero, and a healthy dose of sexy Existentialism all set to musique électronique.

Episode 3: Science Babes 

with musical guest Cousin Dan

Let's face it: Kelly LeBrock is impossibly hot.  But that's because she was created in a science lab.  This episode will tackle the topical subject of genetics and cloning as they relate to being a babe. Hypervisionary OMNI Babe Claire L. Evans of YACHT will be dropping Science.  

Episode 4: Princess Babes

with musical guest The Harlequins 

Have you ever dreamed of becoming a real princess?  Me neither. This episode will be like Game of Thrones in a brighter palette with less incest and more babes.  We'll create psychedelic re-imaginings of classic fairy tales to a krautrock soundtrack. Dream Warrior Princess Babe Allie Bashuk will appear in our fantasy, along with Kiki Blood and Nat Baldwin of Dirty Projectors.

Stretch Goals:

As die-hard Optimist Babes, we're already looking towards the future. Exceeding our initial goal will allow us to rent even higher-end equipment, license music, and hire more racially accurate celebrity impersonators.  So don't worry: we want all your money. Especially since Episodes 5–7 are already in pre-pre-production:

Spy Babes: Intrigue, espionage and murder...at the Hard Rock Café!

Post-Apocalyptic Babes: Come with me if you want to live...as a Babe.

Superhero Babes: Two words–Span Dex

We feel that BabeAbility is a concept with legs—literally! An artful and cinematic approach combined with a feminist twist make the series unique. With endless possible themes, we see a subversive yet popular series entertaining guys and gals nationwide. Did you know that over 51% of the U.S. population are women? 

Completed episodes will be hosted on the official BabeAbility website. But also, after getting excellent feedback and encouragement from friends in the industry on the first episode, we plan to present the series to major networks. So, this an opportunity for you, kind viewer, to get in on the ground floor of something seriously awesome. 

Something seriously awesome includes loads of goodies for your support: t-shirts & stills! Skateboards! Horseback rides! Horseback rides? Plus limited edition hand-stitched clothing by Zopi and entirely original Babetastic art pieces by James.

Of course, even the unlimited rewards will ONLY be available via the Kickstarter campaign. So put on your large frame glasses and get into it before it was cool!

"The Princess and the Cave" skateboard concept draft
"The Princess and the Cave" skateboard concept draft
"Princess Babes" T-Shirt Mockup
"Princess Babes" T-Shirt Mockup
"Science Babes" T-Shirt Mockup
"Science Babes" T-Shirt Mockup

Creator, hostess, and co-director Zopi Kristjanson has performed in music groups, theatre, and independent film and music videos for over 10 years in New Orleans and Atlanta.  Notable projects include A-Z, a performance duo she started in 2002 that incorporates video projection and live music; Vera Fang (Best art-punk band in Atlanta 2009); Warsz, a "Glitter Doom" trio; and the Wu Tang Clan influenced Tiger Moon.  Paladin-class Babe.

Editor, animator, and co-director James Sumner III has created live and animated music videos for Deerhunter and YACHT, as well as the Dirty Projectors collaborative wonder known as The Getty Address, a 40-minute glitch opera about Don Henley's mystical journey into the wilderness of the soul. He filmed himself painfully learning Navajo for the installation "Things Are Difficult." Various short films litter the internet. Autodidact Technomancer.

Ian Cone is a freelance cinematographer and filmmaker specializing in narrative documentary, commercials and music videos. He's worked on productions for Cartoon Network, [adult swim], and many more. Sharkfighting Berserker.

Propmaster and puppeteer Kevin Huey a.k.a. Shitty Bedford designs and builds for Dad's Garage Theatre Company. He's directed music videos for avant-weirdo pioneers The Residents and his own production Oh! Fearsome Head! debuted in the spring of 2013. Analog Warlock.

Featured babes include Abigail Steele, Alex Parrish, Claire Reeve, Elise Tippens, Lindsey Harbor, McIver O'Dowd, Valentina Tapia, and there will be many more to come!

Risks and challenges Learn about accountability on Kickstarter

Following an easy tutorial stage in which the basic attack and jump mechanics are introduced, we expect a desert stage, followed by a very difficult water level, then probably one where we're fighting on top of moving trucks?

But seriously, we got this. We're Babes.

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    POSTCARD: Every lil' bit counts! We'll send you a postcard with our thanks.

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    BABE MAGNET: (How could we resist?) Enjoy some hot babes on your fridge before you pour yourself a tall glass of milk. Reward includes POSTCARD as described above.

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    DVD: You'll get the completed set of BabeAbility Episodes 2–4 on DVD. Reward includes POSTCARD and BABE MAGNET as described above.

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    LIMITED EDITION DVD WITH ORIGINAL ART PIECE: You'll get the completed set of BabeAbility Episodes 2–4 on DVD. Reward includes POSTCARD and BABE MAGNET as described above.

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    T-SHIRT: Babetastic design by James, printed on high-quality American Apparel t-shirt. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    LIMITED EDITION HAND-STITCHED T-SHIRT: Allure-maximizing message from Zopi, babetastic design by James, printed on high-quality American Apparel t-shirt. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    HIGH-QUALITY STILL: 12" x 16" print from a selection of available stills. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    LEOTARD or RUNNING SHORTS: Babetastic logo design by James, printed on high-quality American Apparel material. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    LIMITED EDITION LEOTARD or RUNNING SHORTS: Allure-maximizing message from Zopi, babetastic logo design by James, printed on high-quality American Apparel material. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    BABEABILITY LUNCHBOX or "NICE DECK" OF BABEABILITY PLAYING CARDS: Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    SKATE DECK with original BabeAbility design by James. Choice of three designs. Super-limited and totally radical. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    SPAGHETTI DINNER with cast and crew. Four dates to choose from. Must be in the Atlanta, GA area. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    HANDMADE DIGITAL ORIGINAL: James will digitally repaint your choice of still images from any BabeAbility episode. Images are printed on museum-quality canvas, then stretched and wrapped onto hand-cut 16" x 24" pine frames. On receiving your reward, the original digital file will be DELETED, making your canvas the only copy. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    EXECUTIVE PRODUCER CREDIT in episode credits and applicable promotional material. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES as described above.

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    VOICE ROLE in an upcoming episode. Requires a 30-minute recording session via Skype or in person. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES including EXECUTIVE PRODUCER CREDIT as described above.

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    HORSEBACK RIDE WITH ZOPI through one of Atlanta's historic neighborhoods. Sandwiches and soda included! Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES including EXECUTIVE PRODUCER CREDIT as described above.

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    ANIMATED REPRESENTATION: James will immortalize you in an upcoming episode. Requires at least 3 high-resolution images of the backer. Reward includes ALL UNLIMITED PRIZES including EXECUTIVE PRODUCER CREDIT as described above.

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