Share this project

Done

Share this project

Done
Support one of the most ambitious gamebooks ever created! Become a dragon master in the dark fantasy adventure: Rider of the Black Sun!
Support one of the most ambitious gamebooks ever created! Become a dragon master in the dark fantasy adventure: Rider of the Black Sun!
Support one of the most ambitious gamebooks ever created! Become a dragon master in the dark fantasy adventure: Rider of the Black Sun!
956 backers pledged €41,228 to help bring this project to life.

Text Revision Sneak Peek

Posted by FuFu Frauenwahl
14 likes

Hi folks!

We hope you're all having a glorious summer so far (if you are living on the Northern hemisphere that is)!
For this update we thought we'd share a little peek into the translation/revision process. Here's a screenshot which shows the changes in an average section. There are some which need less corrections but also some which are much worse than this one. Obviously, we feel the translated text will be much better and also closer to the original once all the revisions are completed.


All the best!

FuFu

sgbeal, Bence Ferdinandy, and 12 more people like this update.

Comments

Only backers can post comments. Log In
    1. Missing avatar

      Charmander on

      As a(nother) native English speaker, I think crew (which could be singular or plural; I personally prefer singular given that there is only one crew - which has multiple people in it - but it doesn't really matter to me) would be a better term as it's more appropriate for the setting - team is usually used to describe things like sports teams or people working in groups at the office (in my opinion anyway)

      @sgbeal: in terms of correct vs popular usage, I reckon it could depend on the character whose POV you're writing from. If your character is the type who cares about proper grammar (like a noble whose been trained to speak formally, or an English teacher), then correct usage would probably more more sense; an amnesiac dragon rider probably has other things to worry about and would thus more likely use the popular way of saying things.

      What I really like about the revised translations is that not only are they rewording things so that they make more sense, but they're also changing things to improve the imagery (eg: "first heavy gusts of salty water lash against your face" instead of "first heavy gusts of salty water are blown into your face"). Your translator's doing a great job! :)

    2. FuFu Frauenwahl Collaborator on

      Hi everybody, sorry for the late reply, I was away at the Comic Festival Erlangen for a couple of days, which was great fun.
      Anyway, thanks for all the feed-back! The following update is probably gonna come from Swen.
      Cheers!
      F.

    3. James M.
      Superbacker
      on

      Not for anything, but I don't think there wasn't necessarily anything wrong with some of the words and/or phrasing, and I'm not completely sure the revisions are better (just different). But in any case, it's good to know that the changes will bring the English translation closer in meaning to the original. I'm guessing that's the real goal here, and if you can accomplish that, it'll be worth it.

    4. sgbeal on

      Most native soeakers also prefer to say "person X is stronger than me" (incorrect) instead of "stronger than I" (correct). Likewise, most will tell you that a rattlesnake or black widow spider is poisonous, which is incorrect - neither are poisonous yet both are venomous.

      It's not worth arguing over, and i agree that the current edits are certainly a big improvement, i'm just pointing out that popular usage is quite often incorrect usage.

    5. Andrew Hartley on

      Thanks for this update. I for one am happy to wait as this new translation is a big improvement.
      Regarding "the crew has/have", this native speaker prefers "have". One way of thinking about it is to imagine whether you prefer replacing the phrase with the pronoun "it" or "they". But there's no definitive rule.

    6. Missing avatar

      Andreas Trageser on

      Thank you for the life sign FuFu,
      I am looking forward to the final result arriving in the mail whenever that will be.
      In the meanwhile I appreciate you guys give your best even I expect no Shakespearean result. ;)

    7. Darren Lussenden
      Superbacker
      on

      @FuFu

      I feel I need to apologise for the state of the English language. When you consider how many languages we ripped off to come up with this you'd have thought we'd have done a better job.

      Why does their hare have hair when the hare over there has no hair?

      You have no chance.

    8. MacenKrace
      Superbacker
      on

      It may be my opinion but I think these might go better like so:

      "At first the ocean looks as if it would remain calm*
      *the next moment, the first heavy gust of salty water lashes against your face.*
      *A few moments later the black wall reaches you, making the Nargus the plaything of the storm" - not sure about plaything here
      *many of his orders are lost under the thundering waves and the creaking ship." - ships creak as many other, groaning as far as I know is made by living beings.
      *after a lightning flash you're startled bu how much the main mast has bent* - this is my suggestion but I'm not confortable with it, I know it can be done better but I'm not sure what I'm missing.

      *the storm hurls waves after waves over the deck*
      *By now the crew has stopped fighting...*
      *desperately you grab the poorly knotted rope attached to the railings.*

      @sgbeal I think crew is the right word here, it creates the atmosphere on the deck of the ship.

    9. sgbeal on

      Another way to look at it: replace the word CREW with TEAM (which is just a specialized term for the same thing) and it's clear that singular is correct. The team HAS (not HAVE) given up hope.

    10. sgbeal on

      Further links disprove it, though ;). It's like the German word Vielzahl: die Vielzahl der Bayern isst Brezen... (nicht "essen").

    11. FuFu Frauenwahl Collaborator on

      Hi sgbeal!
      Thanks for the comment, but it can be both singular and plural depending on the context. The first link I got from your google search suggestion actually confirms this:

      http://www.answers.com/Q/Is_crew_singular_or_plural

    12. sgbeal on

      PS (regarding my previous comment): google "is crew singular or plural" for more details.

    13. sgbeal on

      There's one mistake in that correction, near the bottom: the crew HAS (not HAVE). Crew is a noun referring to the singular entity which itself is comprised of multiple people. Alternately, "the crew members HAVE...". This is similar to the words "team" or "committee": singular nouns which refer to plural entities.