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How I broke my long-standing sexual trauma spell and grew vibrant, vital & free. A provocative memoir & wildly wise resolution guide.
How I broke my long-standing sexual trauma spell and grew vibrant, vital & free. A provocative memoir & wildly wise resolution guide.
234 backers pledged $11,304 to help bring this project to life.

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The Big Picture

We can't always tell if a person's been through a sexually traumatic experience, but it's more common than many of us realize, and can show up in covert ways:

In unhealthy cravings for sex or zero interest in sex. As fear of physical or emotional connection. As lack of orgasm. As stunted confidence or a quiet sense of low self worth. As private addictions or private depressions. As hidden dreams that feel impossible to achieve. These are all symptoms of a major problem that needs to be brought to light.

Why? Because many people who are suffering from sexual trauma appear totally normal, like they have their 'stuff' together--but on the inside, they're coping with an intense struggle that keeps them from embodying their joy and aliveness. 

This is what I like to call the "Trauma Spell". Trauma being an embodied violation hang-over that can last for years or lifetimes. The spell being its secret nature--the way it's hidden from your awareness and solutions feel mysterious and unavailable.

HARSH TRUTH: The biggest reason we stay under the spell, is that there's so much stigma around discussing sexual violence. Not only do few people ever talk about it, but even fewer get proper help or support for the trauma that often follows, due to fear, judgment and shame.

The issue is widespread, with studies showing 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men experiencing sexual violence in their lifetimes--we're talkin' billions of people potentially under a trauma spell.

So I wrote this story to be a friend to those people. Because when I was under the trauma spell, not only did I not want to admit just how much I was struggling, but truly--I heard no public conversations about trauma. Sexual violence, sure. But the aftermath? None.

I want more and more people--both those who are experiencing trauma and those with loved ones experiencing it--to understand the way it works, and also the way it resolves.

I've gone through it from start to finish. I came out on the other side, with my body, spirit and mind re-intact, my sense of wholeness, confidence and aliveness so so present. It's possible to get all of yourself back. And it is my deep wish that this book shows people the story of how.

Only when we choose to talk and teach about the problem will society be strong enough to heal. We DO need to be strong enough to heal, and strength comes in numbers.

Please. Be healed, be a healer, be both.

Break the trauma spell patterns and create a new legacy both for yourself and the generations that come after you.

What is Secret Bad Girl?

Part memoir, part resolution guide, Secret Bad Girl is a book about my life under the sexual trauma spell and how I broke free. 

Secret Bad Girl is an entryway into healing. Through relatable stories and intimate poetry, you begin to understand your own story in ways you never have before. 

The book also weaves in 6 keys for breaking the trauma spell, and how to apply them for healing, so that you walk away with tools and greater confidence that you can reclaim your full aliveness.

Who's Secret Bad Girl for?

  • Well, the Secret Bad Girls, of course! If you've got hidden things you keep in the dark 'cause you're afraid they make you bad, damaged, dangerous, unworthy, dirty, less-than, forbidden, freaky... you'll probably relate to many parts of this book. 
  • Next up: anyone who's experienced sexual violence, and senses or wonders if they're still being affected by it.
  • Also: people who are ready to heal or get help, and would really love to hear someone tell their whole story from stuck to free.
  • Anyone who loves someone who's experienced trauma of any kind and wants to understand the way trauma works--and how to undo its secret spell.
  • Finally, even though it's called Secret Bad Girl, any sex or gender who's experienced hidden traumas may find great benefit from reading this book. 

What is the sexual trauma epidemic, exactly?

In a nut-shell: the big problem with trauma is it's really hard to resolve with our minds, alone. But that's exactly where we want to stay when something scary has happened in our bodies. 

When a person gets raped or sexually assaulted, what happens physiologically is the reptilian brain takes over and a completely natural fight/flight/freeze response turns on. This is the body's way of protecting and preserving itself.

However, what happens next is where the trouble lies. Once the violation is over, the body needs to wake back up from its fight/flight/freeze response and shake out all that intense energy. Instead, what often happens is... nothing. Emotional shock, shame, and secrecy throw one into quieted cover-ups or isolated depressions. The energy never gets released.  

The result? A whole bunch of people walking around under a cloud-like trauma spell in which their brains and nervous systems still think violation is happening.

The extra tricky part? It's a completely invisible experience, unconsciously caused by the reptilian brain. This means many people try and try and TRY to resolve their trauma through psychological means alone, but get nowhere, because the problem is physiological and requires a different kind of healing.

Secret Bad Girl goes into educational detail about the physiological experience of violation and trauma, and how the body and higher level mind can wake back up to their NATURAL STATE OF HEALTH AND WHOLENESS, even years or decades later. 

How far along is the book?

A full manuscript of Secret Bad Girl is finished (!) and currently undergoing edits by two brilliant humans over at Difference Press. An ebook release of the book will be PUBLISHED on Amazon January 19th, 2016. 

How will the book be used?

This book will be used in a variety of ways:

  • Personal: many individuals will read this book and find themselves understanding their own story with greater depth, as well as the science behind trauma and how it heals.
  • Groups: sacred and safe book clubs will gather to read Secret Bad Girl together and talk about their own experiences with sex, trauma, emancipation and healing. (A free book club discussion guide is in the works!)
  • Book tour and events: in the summer of 2016 I will go on a book tour, giving talks and hosting workshops for local groups of Secret Bad Girls.
  • And much more!

Editing, Publishing and Printing

I'm working closely with Difference Press to do something called "equi-publishing"--a sort of mid-way step between self-publishing and pitching to a big publishing company. 

With Difference Press, I front the money for exceptional editing, cover design (the above picture is the first mock-up--final forthcoming!), print lay out, and the many details of becoming an officially published book. Then we work side-by-side to make all of those things happen.

EDITING: I've got a brilliant team of two experienced editors working on developmental editing as well as proofreading.

PUBLISHING: The team at Difference Press assigns ISBN/bar codes, does the Library of Congress & copyright registration, as well as eCommerce set-up and set-up with hundreds of online bookstores. 

PRINTING: I meet with Difference Press and go over all of the specs for the most beautifully crafted book--the kind that feels like magic to the hands. They work with the press, then we proof the book together, and print it!

My Kickstarter Goals

I am raising $10,000 to fund all aspects of the editing, publishing, printing and distribution of Secret Bad Girl, for the sake of trauma education & resolution!

Here's my budget, in more detail:

  • Editing & Publishing--$2,000
  • High quality printing--$3,000
  • Book Distribution (Packaging, Printing labels, Printer, Ink)--$1,000
  • Kickstarter Videos (More coming!)--$2,000
  • Outreach--$500
  • Unexpected Costs (They always happen, ey?)--$500
  • Kickstarter & Bank Fees--$1,000

Am I paying myself with this Kickstarter?:

Not on the front end. The funds raised through this Kickstarter are simply to bring the book all the way to the finish line. Once the book is complete, I'll be able to make some cash off excess book sales, and new clients that want to work together after reading the book. For now, it's all about getting this baby into the world to help as many people as possible.

Stretch Goals

IF WE RAISE $13,000, I'll record an AUDIO BOOK of Secret Bad Girl, and make it available to all Kickstarter backers!

IF WE RAISE $17,000, I'll produce a series of professionally made Secret Bad Girl videos featuring intimate, provocative and healing poetry and songs, as well as educational "trauma tricks" videos that teach tools for resolution. These will be available to all Kickstarter backers and the public, at large!!

About Rachael

Rachael Maddox is a renowned coach and trauma specialist, and teacher at the Courageous Coaching Training Institute. She dedicates her days to helping women who’ve experienced sexual trauma understand and heal from its stronghold so they can move through the world with confidence, joy and success. She also works with women and men ready to embody their call at the next level--go all in on their brilliance. 

Rachael received her coaching certification from the Coaches Training Institute, and is currently enrolled in a trauma resolution training with Alchemical Alignment (levels 1 of 3 complete). A poet and musician, Rachael also tours the nation sharing her story of trauma recovery (and other fun adventures!) through intimate, provocative art. 

More details about some of the rewards

For all the MEGA FEELERS in the house:

MORE ABOUT JEANETTE LEBLANC:

Jeanette is a writer, inspirationalist and soul searcher with a side of content strategy and digital marketing. Named both The Writer's Muse and The Writer's Producer by her clients, she works with writers - and people who are convinced that they can't write - helping them find the grit and truth and gold within their own words so they can get their story out into the world.

Website: www.peacelovefree.com

MORE ABOUT JEN LEMEN

Jen Lemen is a nature-based coach with a passion for finding gentle ways through life's most difficult passages. Devoted to holding space so the most true thing can emerge, Jen is grateful for the great outdoors and all the wisdom and direction nature can bring.

Website: about.me/jenlemen

MORE ABOUT FREE YOUR INNER AUTHOR WITH DIFFERENCE PRESS:

Differnece Press wants to help you reach that dream of writing the book that resides within you. That¹s why we've created the Free Your Inner Author program to give you everything you need to make the process of writing your book real and fun. 

When you complete this program, you will know exactly how to move forward, which steps to take and when to take them, and your frustration, self-doubt, and procrastination will disappear as a result.

Program includes: Six 1-hour long teleclasses that teach you every step of the DIFFERENCE Process--my organized, systematic approach to researching, writing and publishing your book that allows you to stay true to your most creative, intuitive self. The six classes are available in audio, video and transcript format so you can read it, watch it and listen to it. Each week has homework so you can dig in and apply the lessons to your book.

Retail Value: $497, offered here for $300.

Website: http://login.freeyourinnerauthor.com/

BREAKING THE TRAUMA SPELL SESSIONS:

Right now, there are so many women (and men) suffering under a secret trauma spell that's impacting everything for them. Their sex lives, undoubtedly, but also likely their sense of capacity, creativity, confidence, aliveness, wealth, safety, pleasure, purpose.

I'm wholeheartedly convinced (through personal experience) that when we resolve our traumas we get a new lease on ALIVENESS. And aliveness is the stuff that makes seemingly crazy things possible.

Tours across the country. Forgiving long held grievances. Book birthing. Money making. Long distance running. Purpose clarifying. Multiple orgasming. True blue romancing. 

Trauma resolution won't be the turn key for everyone. But for women and men who've been stuck for years and years, trying their asses off in the psychological realms but still more secretly stuck than they'd ever want to admit, this work can really change everything.

The modalities and tools I pull on during Breaking the Trauma Spell sessions are:

  • Somatic experiencing concepts 
  • Pendulation (sllloooowly expanding one's capacity for various kinds of emotions and sensations)
  • Rhythmic breathing 
  • Soul contract renewals
  • Trauma education (knowledge is power)
  • Self-care for trauma
  • Dance/movement therapy
  • Yoga for trauma
  • Ritual
  • Co-active coaching
  • Integral coaching theory

Please feel free to reach out using the "contact me" button at the top of this page if you'd like a full PDF about Breaking the Trauma Spell sent your way. 

A little bit more about YOUR BRAIN ON TRAUMA: 

MAIN KICKSTARTER VIDEO CREDITS: 

Emmett Williams, producer: www.missionmanmedia.com

Sean Sonnenburg, camera: https://vimeo.com/orangelinefilm

Risks and challenges

CHALLENGE: A VERY SENSITIVE TOPIC
Sexual trauma is not easy territory to venture into. While many men and women badly WANT to resolve and heal their traumas, moving toward that very healing activates lots of fear in the body and mind. I've created a book that aims to offer safe, relatable, educational and healing stories and tools for trauma resolution. Still, many people may have difficulty with the topic, and edge away from it rather than toward it.

CHALLENGE: MY SEXUAL HISTORY, ON BLAST
While I've been "out" about my own story with my closest friends and immediate family for a long time, I've yet to publish my entire story for the world, at large, to read. Goooood thing I've got great coaches, trauma specialists, shamans and therapists on call. ;)

CHALLENGE: THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS
I've changed the names and details of the people in my book who may be negatively impacted by the exposure. Names that remain original do so only with express permission from the people themselves.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3 <3 <3

We're on our way to a whole new way, together!

LOVE,

Rachael

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  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $5 or more About $5

    MEGA FEELINGS STICKER!

    These stickers are a classic in my world of Mega Feeler friends. For those of us who feel so much, so often, so deeply and fully and endlessly... we need a flag to wave, ey? Here you have it: the Mega Feelings sticker.

    3x5. Great for slappin' onto a journal, laptop, waterbottle, car, forehead, chest, booty, moody day. Check out the photo below & thanks for your support!

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    Pledge $20 or more About $20

    THE SECRET BAD GIRL EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS

    Receive the ebook download as soon as it's available on January 19th, a thank you in the acknowledgements section of the book, PLUS an exclusive insiders first-look at the video of my original song "Shake"!

    Thank you for helping to break the trauma spell by learning more about it! xo

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    THE FIRST EDITION PRINT BOOK OF SECRET BAD GIRL!
    (+ EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    This softcover book is the perfect size for passing between hands, slipping into a purse, or sliding across the table to a friend in need.

    All printed books are delivered SIGNED and, of course, sealed with tons of LOVE and gratitude!

    Thank you for wanting this story & wisdom close to your heart. <3

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    Pledge $70 or more About $70

    A UKULELE LOVE-O-GRAM!
    (+ EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    A personalized SURPRISE love song video for your sweetie/bestie/mommy/daddy/granny, delivered this Valentine's Day via a private email link!

    I'll learn a song of your choice on the uke and adjust a few lyrics to get your special someone's name in there. It will be sappy and sweet and magical, and the love revolution will be upon us!

    Anyone can be a romantic! Partnered, or not. 'Cause everyone could use the extra love, ey? xo

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    Pledge $150 or more About $150

    UNLOCK YOUR SECRET SEX GODDESS!
    (+ EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    An hour-long coaching session FULL of playful permission and self-exploration.

    Walk away knowing the NAME of your *Personal Sex Goddess*, her most magical secret powers, and how having her as a close companion can change everything for the better. (In & outside the bedroom!)

    YES! Your empowerment is a gift. On behalf of all your future yumminess, thank you!

    *BONUS* With this reward you'll also receive a free audio talk about the holy trinity of sacred contracts:: spirit, sex & money.

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    Pledge $190 or more About $190

    UNLOCK YOUR SECRET SEX GODDESS annnnd get the PRINT BOOK!

    ((special request for an especially hot goddess))

    An hour-long coaching session FULL of playful permission and self-exploration.

    Walk away knowing the NAME of your *Personal Sex Goddess*, her most magical secret powers, and how having her as a close companion can change everything for the better. (In & outside the bedroom!)

    YES! Your empowerment is a gift. On behalf of all your future yumminess, thank you!

    *BONUS* With this reward you'll also receive a free audio talk about the holy trinity of sacred contracts:: spirit, sex & money.

    AND--the beautiful print book. LOVE!

    Thank you thank you, lovely.

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    BUT I'M NOT A WRITER, WRITING SESSION W/JEANETTE LEBLANC
    (+ EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDER GOODNESS)

    If you have a story that's hard to tell, but you KNOW you have to tell it--this reward is for you.

    Writing guide Jeanette LeBlanc helps people who are intimidated by the word "writer" get beautiful words on the page in ways they never thought possible.

    This reward includes 2 sessions--1 half hour for prompting, and 1 hour for diving deep and seeing what wants to come out.

    Your story matters. The world needs it. If it's time to tell it, hop on it.

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    SECRET-KEEPER SESSION W/JEN LEMEN
    (+ EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    Do you have a secret that's weighing on you? Something you're ready to release to the heavens? In this 45 minute phone session, you will be given the most sacred permission to tell your secret. Nature and ritual guide Jen Lemen will listen the whole way, with kindness, grace and unconditional positive regard. At the end of the session, Jen will guide you in a short but powerful ritual to honor your release from this secret.

    These sessions are kept strictly confidential and are a powerful step in moving toward peace and true freedom.

    Your healing changes everything. If you feel a nudge, say yes quickly. This reward is meant for you.

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    Pledge $300 or more About $300

    3 BREAKING THE TRAUMA SPELL COACHING SESSIONS
    (+ EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    We'll meet one-on-one over skype for three hour-long safe & sacred trauma resolution coaching sessions.

    In 3 sessions, I'll guide you through immediate tools for calming your nervous system, restoring your body to its natural blueprint of health, and regaining access to your most alive, resilient and joyful being. We'll also gently meet any emotional or spiritual blockages that arise, and offer deep healing and transformation in those places.

    You can claim this reward as early as January, or wait a bit to begin the process.

    Check out the further details about Breaking the Trauma Spell sessions to the left. (Video included).

    Thank you for your courage.

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    FREE YOUR INNER AUTHOR TELECLASSES with Difference Press
    (+EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    Got a book in you? This 6-week teleclass will walk you through the process of researching, writing and publishing your book, all the while maintaining your most creative, intuitive self.

    And they're highly recommended by... moi.

    Let this be your year that you get that baby out there. xo

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    5 BREAKING THE TRAUMA SPELL COACHING SESSIONS
    (+ EBOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    We'll meet one-on-one over skype for five hour-long safe & sacred trauma resolution coaching sessions.

    In 5 sessions, I'll guide you through immediate tools for calming your nervous system, restoring your body to its natural blueprint of health, and regaining access to your most alive, resilient and joyful being. We'll also gently meet any emotional or spiritual blockages that arise, and offer deep healing and transformation in those places.

    You can claim this reward as early as January, or wait a bit to begin the process.

    Check out the further details about Breaking the Trauma Spell sessions to the left. (Video included).

    Thank you for your courage.

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    10 BREAKING THE TRAUMA SPELL COACHING SESSIONS
    (+ PRINT BOOK + EXCLUSIVE INSIDERS GOODNESS)

    For this reward, you'll receive the FULL Breaking the Trauma Spell program of 10 hour-long one-on-one skype sessions, focused deeply and sacredly on realigning your entire being to a place of thriving, power, joy and aliveness.

    This reward is for you if you're ready for a new lease on life, starting in your most sacred center. <3

    You can claim this reward as early as January, or wait a bit to begin the process.

    Check out the further details about Breaking the Trauma Spell sessions to the left. (Video included).

    Thank you for your courage.

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    Pledge $3,330 or more About $3,330

    SEXUAL HEALING ANGEL

    ...That would be YOU!

    This reward is for the generous benefactor who wants to leave a big imprint on the world by supporting the Secret Bad Girl trauma resolution mission.

    You'll get all the things--mega feelings stickers (I have them big for you!), ebook, signed print books, love songs--and my very deepest gratitude.

    We'll hop on the phone to talk about what else would feel like utter magic for you to receive. A day-long workshop for your peeps? A sacred ceremony of the most magical variety? The most exquisite private concert? Perhaps you just want to give. I'll call. We'll find out.

    I am so grateful!
    Thank you for your generous heart!

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Funding period

- (28 days)