Besame Mucho is a documentary project about domestic violence against women. It attempts to analyze the mindset of abusive men and the underlying mental processes triggering them to perpetrate physical and psychological violence against women.
Nobody was born as an abuser. However, cultural pressures, socio-economic contexts and family history may exacerbate the development of the personality traits of the abuser.
Because of his mental instability and in order to keep a morbid equilibrium, the abuser needs to use physical and/or psychological violence against his partner. This suffocates her personality, needs, and undermines her confidence.
Such behavioral patterns do not contribute to the abuser’s happiness and well-being, nevertheless they become for him the only way to conceive his own life. The abuser is not a social monster but simply an individual affected by a personality disorder. We do not find abusers only among the poor and uneducated people from the lower class: family circles of wealthy and highly educated people may also be the theatre of even more complex and subtle cases of abuse.
Domestic violence against women is an internationally wide spread phenomena that equally involves different races, cultural groups, right wing as well as left wing people with similar mechanisms, modus operandi, and stubborn wickedness. It inevitably leads the victimized women to the same blind sorrow, the same alienation, confusion and fear.
Paradoxically, the harmful urge of an abuser is the result of an endless request for love, a need of reassurance of his ego-manic confidence, the quest for filling up an unimaginable affective void. Thus, identifying the abuser as an emotionally bulimic man, to which no real woman can offer a compensation for his unreal needs, may offer a viable key to interpret the vicious circles of domestic violence.
The primary aim of this documentary is to ask questions and propose answers about the aspects of the masculine identity that may lead to the profile of an abuser. Interviews to therapists, officers of the NYPD for domestic violence, lawyers involved in abuse cases, representatives of UN Women Org., and academics in the field of gender studies will provide a general sketch of the phenomena of domestic violence. Most importantly, interviews to ex-abusers who, committing themselves on a recovery path, recognized their personality disorder as the main source of their women misery, will allow to define the hallmarks of the abuser and the healing way from it.
It wants to be the endeavour to realize that until the causes of the masculine uneasiness will not fully understood, women wellness will never be fully achieved.
Risks and challenges
Not having a single producer is refreshing and liberating.
I spoke to two classic producers and both were interested in producing Besame Mucho as long as our documentary shows weeping women displaying fresh bruises, as long as we work with biblical themes, as long we lower our claims. In short, as long as we do a different documentary.
Well, we prefer to have lots of producers and to answer to the people who will finance us directly. We much prefer this mode of financing than having to polish here and there in order to fit into a pattern of predictable narrative and content that we don’t agree with.
While that would be reason enough to make a production such as this, it additionally forces us to validate our ideas against reality from the start. If you cannot explain to most people what you want to accomplish, it will be difficult to get it done.
Using the internet gives us the opportunity to be independent and to work quickly and to avoid our idea becoming stale. The internet also gives us the freedom to realize our vision. And if that vision changes along the way, it won’t be because of some outside pressures.
Our budget will be transparent; everyone working on this project will be paid. We will continue to take turns, working impossible hours to coordinate our sessions on skype and we will continue to steamroll onward each day, sending updates in real time. No one will play just one role in this project, but at least three each. And to us, this seems the best method of production.
- (60 days)