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$1,329 pledged of $15,000 goal
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By Holland Dayze
$1,329 pledged of $15,000 goal
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About this project

Do you have kids?  If you do, you know exactly what they like to eat: ice cream; cookies; candy. You know what these tiny terrors don't like to eat? Vegetables! They'd rather do ten years in a cell with Mike Tyson than eat vegetables. So, what are you going to do? You can't let your kids eat whatever they want. If you do that, it's anarchy. And you certainly can't beat your children to within an inch of their lives.

If you love your kids – and I know you do – then you need this book: A is For Asparagus, a Jacques Couteau Vegetable Detective Mystery. It’s about a boy who's a detective solving diabolical crimes against vegetables. By the end of the story, your kids – the little wrecking balls of joy that they are – will love asparagus.

There’s only one problem. While Holland Dayze (our pen name) knows how to write, we don't know how to draw . . . at all.  A classy book like A is For Asparagus needs classy pictures. And that, my friend, is where you come in.

By pledging some Kickstarter dollars, you can help illustrate this book and bring it to life. The more money you give, the better the pictures. The better the pictures, the more asparagus your kids will eat. The more asparagus your kids eat, the less likely they are to steal your car at night, sniff paint thinner, and then go steal your car at night and go smoke some weed laced with Windex. It's a win-win sort of thing for everyone.

Plus, you also get some pretty sweet kickbacks. The more money you give, the better the rewards. You can earn autographed copies of books, get mentioned in the acknowledgments, and – if you dig really deep – you might even get to name a character in some future book.

So, what are you waiting for? Check out our Rewards and make a contribution today!

[NOTE:  For all physical premiums, please add $5 for shipping and handling if you live in Canada, and $10 if you live anywhere else overseas.  Thanks!]

EXCERPTED FROM "A IS FOR ASPARAGUS"

"Jacques is then summoned by the head of the Vegetable Intelligence Agency (VIA), Julia Milds – a tall imposing woman with the gift of the gourmet.  He had once seen her remove a dozen eggs from boiling water at exactly three minutes and thirty-eight seconds without a timer.  She could sculpt butter into perfect rosettes blindfolded while skiing the infamous Sorbet Slalom in Lucerne.  Julia Milds was one of the founders of the VIA, she had worked for the OSS during WWII, and was responsible for liberating thousands of vegetable farms from the Nazis.  (Hitler had a virulent hatred for all non-white vegetables, though  – oddly  – he detested the white turnip.)

"Milds gives Jacques some disturbing news:  A mysterious anti-vegetable cabal is stealing all the asparagus in the world to engineer a “fast food” vegetable with twice the salt, twice the sugar, and three times the fat of ordinary fast food.  And, worse, each YummyLand product is highly addictive, causing a lifelong craving after only one bite, turning people into lazy, obese do-nothing zombies . . . exactly what happened to Jacques’ parents."

Jacques Couteau, vegetable detective, is all that stands between us and vegetable devastation!

For a longer and considerably darker version of our Kickstarter video, click here.

Questions about this project? Check out the FAQ

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  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $1 or more About $1.00

    Listed on our website (http://www.WeWantChristopherWalkenToDoOurAudiobook.com/) as a donor, and our eternal vegetable thanks!

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    Pledge $5 or more About $5

    Free pdf of ebook and listed on our website as a donor. Eternal thanks and imaginary side of asparagus.

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    Pledge $10 or more About $10

    Free pdf of ebook and listed on our website as a donor. Eternal thanks and imaginary side of asparagus, plus personalized thank you ecard.

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    Pledge $25 or more About $25

    Free pdf of ebook and listed on our website as a donor. Eternal thanks and imaginary side of asparagus, plus personalized thank you ecard and a signed copy of the print book.

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    Pledge $30 or more About $30

    All of the above, plus an A is For Asparagus magnet.

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    Pledge $60 or more About $60

    All of the above, plus A is For Asparagus mug.

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    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    All of the above, plus a personalized postcard, and a thank you call from you know who.

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    Pledge $300 or more About $300

    All of the above, plus a signed A is For Asparagus Apron, and an outgoing answering machine message from you know who.

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    Pledge $500 or more About $500

    All of the above, plus an unframed print of one of the illustrations in the book.

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    Pledge $1,000 or more About $1,000

    All of the above, plus you get to name a character in a future book.

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    Pledge $2,500 or more About $2,500

    All of the above, plus a framed illustration signed by the illustrator, and you get to pick the vegetable (i.e potatoes vs. parsley) associated with the book with your character. Wow!

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    Pledge $5,000 or more About $5,000

    All of the above, plus you get to dedicate a book to whomever you choose. This person will live in infamy in the annals of vegetable detection . . . forever!

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    Pledge $10,000 About $10,000

    All of the above, plus Holland Dayze will come over to your house (in the U.S.) and make you dinner.

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Funding period

- (32 days)