VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL ! !
ONLY 2 AVAILABLE!
For $39, you and your paramour can live (and die) forever (as zombies) in the novel BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES! Romeo and Juliet perished in a tedious, dull manner compared to what you and your beloved will experience. Forget the roses; give her/him serious steaming guts and bubbling blood. Send me your names and I'll write a passage that is guaranteed to deliver. Or your money back!
SINCE WHEN DOES A NOVEL NEED A VIDEO?
But apparently that's the case, or so say the Kickstarter CEO's, and I'm not one to argue with CEO's. Apparently the moving images of a video bypass your conscious intellect to instill within your cortex a visceral sense of excitement that subliminally (or as Dubya says, subliminamably) prompts you to donate to a Kickstarter project! Fine by me! I'm happy to subliminamabalize you. And your little dog, too!
But to the defense of BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES: A NOVEL OF MANNERS, let me say this: DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS VIDEO! Get hold of an ebook or print copy of this novel and judge for yourself.
FREE AUDIO AND PRINT CHAPTERS
I think BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES: A NOVEL OF MANNERS is a great read, but I can see where you might be wary of the claim. After all, this is a novel about two very successful politicians. And as the author, I can honestly and objectively state that I'm dishonestly subjective.
If the proof is in the pudding, here are a few spoonfuls. Professional book reader Mike Duffield has recorded three random chapters from the eighty plus. See what you think. Or rather, hear what you think. Each is only a few minutes long.
Ass From An Ass
Semicircled! [Featuring Bush and Obama in action]
George "Dubya" Bush and Barack Hussein Obama. An unlikely pair of men to stave off a zombie apocalypse. An unlikely pair of men to do anything together, for that matter.
It is said that one is urbane and snooty and the other rustic and bungling, that one is calmly deliberative and the other thoughtlessly headstrong.
One says "Hmmm...." The other says "LET'S X SOME Z'S!"
Bush and Obama are the most perplexing and preposterously paired of zombie warriors in apocalyptic cultural history.
Whilst constantly feuding and sparring with each other, our heroes try to save humanity (and their own necks) by shooting, hammering, slicing, crushing, decapitating, exploding and otherwise mangling and pulverizing the skulls'n' brains of an ever growing horde of zombies. If they don't succeed in twenty-four hours, the mountain valley in which they and the zombies are trapped will be incinerated with nukular bombs.
They don't quite get along. And when politics fail them, they resort to fisticuffs, biting, eye-gouging! Even name calling! But circumstances dictate they learn to work together and Dubya and Barry eventually come to begrudgingly respect each other. Sort of. In "The enemy of enemy is my friend" sort of way. Bush and Obama. Butch and Sundance. Ratso Rizzo and Joe Buck. Laurel and Hardy. C3PO and R2D2. 43 and 44. Dubya and Barry
But slaying zombies provides them an unexpected benefit of seeing the veil lifted from society and culture, and they are able to observe and critique the manners and morals surrounding the human condition as never before. Yes, it's that heavy.
And of course, Dubya and Barry also, if unexpectedly, discover their inner selves! They commune with nature, examine their relationships with God and the Other, relate on new and deeper levels with friends, strangers and enemies, observe both the achievement and drawbacks of modern society. Eventually, they see through the mystic veil!
Oh, and they discover the meaning of life. (Which, apparently (SPOILER ALERT!) is to keep your powder dry and shoot straight).
Dump These Artists Into A Blender....
In other words, BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES explores the intricate world of human manners. It's sophisticated reading with the occasional (okay, more than occasional) scream, fine mist of blood, dismemberment, cannibalism, disemboweling, etc. (Okay, semi- frequent).
Sophisticated indeed, but also fast-paced, colorful, witty and with a surprise at every turn. If you like the smarts of Jack Reacher, the noble reach of Mark Helprin, a cold plate of Edith Wharton, a sugar cube dose of Richard Brautigan, any two or more of The Marx Brothers and at least one Wes Anderson film....BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES is exactly what you need. That, or an extended visit to the Sunshine Sanitarium. (But remember to take the novel with you!)
How Did This Come To Be?
How did this project come into existence? The Kickstarter crew informs me that donors want to know the answer to this and invasive questions. Knowing this information creates a sense of intimacy which makes you a part of the project, thereby opening wallets ever wider.
After producing my first feature film, MOONHAIR (which is offered as a gift to donors of this novel project), I have been attempting to fund my second feature film, coincidentally titled BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES. Oddly, enough, few investors are racing to my door with a check for $100.000. I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked. Don't they know this is a blockbuster? Don't thy know how much the world wants to hear this story? How ever shall I share my story?
AND I HAVE TO TELL THIS STORY!! I'M AN ARTIST, DAMMIT! THE MUSES ARE SCREAMING IN MY EARS!
But how oh how?
And then it struck me! I saw the light! The bell rang! Lightning struck! The hammer hit me on the head! OUCH! Why use pictures when I can use words? I SHALL WRITE A NOVEL! Based on the screenplay! (And I did). Lo, and I shall publish it via Kickstarter and subliminamably reach donors like yourself.
Does it take $100,000 to put the book in your hands (or your Kindle)? No! A mere $666 will enable you to read this epic story of manners and of two ex presidents wallowing in blood and gore as they save humanity!
The novel is the same story as the proposed movie. Same story, different price tag. The benefit to you, my dear reader/donor, is that you'll spend a wonderful eight or so hours reading the novel (depending how quickly your lips tire) instead of a mere ninety minutes watching the film version. It's win-win for me and you.
I can't guarantee reading "Bush and Obama Vs. Zombies: A Novel of Manners" will bring world peace, help you lose weight, increase your IQ or improve your sex life. But it might! I mean...seriously, how have your recent efforts on those fronts been working out? Right. I understand. So it can't hurt to read about Bush and Obama slaughtering zombies while arguing the finer points of phenomenology and cultural relativism, Ayn Rand and Noam Chomsky. You'll burn calories and might drop a few pounds. Maybe you'll even get lucky. You won't know until you read the novel, will you?
You'll sleep better tonight knowing the novel version of BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES is finished and champing at the bit, scratching at the door, waiting for the green light and hot to trot, ready for you to read.
And the novel needs you! Yes, you! The sophisticated reader. The thoughtful, educated intellectual, who, every now and then, chooses to slum along with the hoi polloi and wallow in occasional passages describing the splattering of exploding guts and the flooding of hot, human blood and the pathos of meaningless, violent death. Quoting Werner Herzog, "Ve musst not avehrt ouhr eyess!"
Or maybe you're very shallow and simply want to read BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES because it's a rock'n'roller coaster of a fun story.
That's a spooky number, 666. And even more spookily, it's about how much I need to make this happen. Where does all that money go, you ask? I ask the same question, because it's not into my pocket. First, the Kickstarter CEO's and the banks take their cut off the top. Then I need publishing templates for both the print and ebook. I need a proofreader to devote up to two full days to fixx themi steaks im ny tipyng. Reimburse the reader of the audio chapter reader for his time and talent in recording the (soon to be posted) sample audio chapter. Then there's the graphic artist who designed and produced the cover. The hosting fees for the (soon to be launched, with loads of fun stuff you'l enjoy) BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES website. Finally, there's the very steep, jaw-dropping cost of publishing a Print-On-Demand book. End of the day, I'm wondering, where did that $666 go? It's diabolical how it disappears. It's almost as if the number 666 is a magic number that somehow releases Satan...
Your Donations, My Gifts
I'm offering two formats of BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES. An AUTOGRAPHED (by me, not Dubya or Barry) trade edition softcover book (5.5x8.5 inches, over 300 pages, est. 70,000 words), with real pages to flip and fold and mark with your yellow highlighter. Also, an ebook for your ebook reader or computer, allowing you to click and push real plastic buttons (but not flip and fold). Everyone receives a PDF. And I will provide an ample (but not unlimited) window of opportunity for donors to use a coupon to download a free Kindle copy off Amazon.
Also available are some choice decals of the book cover --- just right for your fridge, the top of your computer or the back of your ebook reader! Let people know how cool and sophisticated you really are.
And a DVD of MOONHAIR: A BOW AND ARROW FANTASY, my feature film featuring an all Native American cast. It's fun stuff.
And my first novel, "SHOOT, MINNIE SHOOT!", the story of an Indian girls basketball team. (What do Indian movies and novels have in connection with a zombie novel of manners? Absolutely nothing other than I know you'll enjoy them both.)
And a chance to see your name in BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES as one of the zombies! And a chance to have an entire chapter written around your eponymous zombie. The details are below, at the bottom of this page. Seriously, wouldn't you like to be a zombie? DETAILS AT BOTTOM OF PAGE.
Another Novel! A DVD!
For the daring, I'll also send a trade edition of my novel "SHOOT, MINNIE, SHOOT!". It's based on the story of the 1904 Fort Shaw, Montana, Indian School Girls Basketball Team. These teens won the first real championship of basketball at the World's Fair in St. Louis, 1904. An amazing story. I only wish I could make this stuff up. Bush and Obama battling zombies seems uninspired in comparison. The novel has done very well in Montana and is popular with Native Americans.
AND A DVD!
Last but not least, a DVD of my first feature film, "MOONHAIR: A BOW AND ARROW FANTASY." A funny, action packed adventure with an all Native American cast, filmed in Montana. A fun film, slowly but steadily becoming a cult hit in the Native American community.
No, there are no zombies in this book or the DVD. And only a little bit of blood. Neither the book nor DVD has anything at all to do with zombies, but then, after reading the ultimate zombie novel ever written, BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES, you won't want to read another zombie novel. You won't need to.
RELEASE Your Inner Zombie ! ! Name a Zombie after Yourself ! !
Dig a little deeper into your pocket and you can have a zombie named after you along with a paragraph of action! Or someone you love. Or hate. But seriously, I need written or email permission from you or the person you're gifting. What if you send me the name of you ex, that left wing wacko babe, and I write 500 words detailing how George Bush uses a chainsaw on her face, slicing her skull open like a mouthwatering Texas grapefruit? Even if she does have it coming, and I don't doubt you for a second on that point. But she wouldn't like seeing it in print, would she? Her friends would whisper. She'd sue me Then where would I be? Back on Kickstarter raising funds for a lawyer, that's where I'd be.
Or the same (only different) with your right wing fascist sexist first husband. Even if he does have it coming - and I don't doubt you for a second - I don't think he and his gun-clinging yahoo friends will savor reading about Obama sticking a live grenade down his throat. And you know what else I think? I think he and his gun-clinging yahoos will track me down. So you can see why I need him to scrawl his X on the right document.
Your Very Own Personal Chapter ! ! !
Pull out your credit card and I'll write a chapter featuring a zombie named after you and based on your own character (if you provide details), engaged in a fight to the death with Bush. Or Obama. (But not both -- pick and choose).
This isn't a gimmick. I have two empty chapter slots waiting for this purpose. And if the character information you share with me proves deadly dull, well, your character will die a dull death. ((I'll need an X for this one, too).
Thank you for donating to and (soon) reading BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES. That's why we writers write: To be read. I if no one reads our words, we're just typing. It's an honor to know someone will invest the many hours required to read the words I've written. I am anxious for yout complete the process by sending me your comments and thoughts on the novel.
But hey, forget about me. I'm nothing compared to the cause of WORLD PEACE. And BUSH AND OBAMA VS ZOMBIES just might advance that noble cause. I mean, gosh, if Bush and Obama can learn to get along, then maybe even Iceland and Andorra can end their centuries-long feuding! You don't want to hinder the chances of that happening, do you? Of course not.
Peruse the donation options to the right and pick one. Pick a couple.
Thank you so much, Happy Jack Feder
Risks and challenges
The obvious risk to this project is the very real possibility of zombie outbreak. I might be eaten, the book manufacturers might be eaten, the mailman might get chewed by the zombie.
But there is an even more serious and insidious threat. The Shadow Figures in the world of politics. They thrive on the constant bickering of opposing political parties. They don't want to see a novel that shows people like Bush and Obama working together and saving the world. I might be targeted for my efforts. I might be "disappeared." Your novel might be shipped, but never arrive......
I say fight back! Donate, read the novel, improve your life, improve society. And of course, lose weight and improve your sex life.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (24 days)