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An illustrated guide for monsters, gargoyles, aliens, and nephews.
An illustrated guide for monsters, gargoyles, aliens, and nephews.
759 backers pledged $23,258 to help bring this project to life.

About

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$23,258

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We are surrounded by rude, loud, smelly, selfish creatures who don’t know how to behave. Let’s do something about it.

This book offers 50 principles to help the ill-mannered behave with civility and grace. As a public service, I’ve illustrated these principles to make them vivid and easy to remember.

Full disclosure. Actually, I wrote the book so I’d have an excuse to draw strange creatures doing rude things.

Books don’t need to be big to be useful.
Books don’t need to be big to be useful.

Rewards. Each sponsor of the project will receive one or more copies of this rare, collectible, hardcover book. I urge you to pledge at a level that gets you extras so you can share with friends. It also makes a perfect gift for young people whose behavior leaves room for improvement. Because the books are little and easy to wrap, they make superb gifts. 

Already perfect? If your behavior is already sophisticated and leaves no space for improvement, each page of the book will allow you to enjoy a delightful feeling of smug superiority as you contemplate how far below you most creatures are. Priceless.

Specifications
The size is A6 size (4.1" x 5.8", 105 mm x 148 mm). 68 B&W pages plus color end sheets and a color dust jacket. 

Illustrations. There are more than 50 drawings in Monster Etiquette and I created each of them especially for this book. It’s a visual extravaganza.

Dubious poetry. Each of the captions in this book is a small poem. It has been said that a good poem helps change the shape of the universe. Well these aren’t that kind of poem. These are like the poems Mrs. Katzenbarf taught me to write in 7th-grade English class...but worse. But they get the job done and may make you smile.

Getting started with advice about introductions
Getting started with advice about introductions
Spread addressing some airy topics.
Spread addressing some airy topics.
From a chapter on mealtime behavior.
From a chapter on mealtime behavior.
Includes topics to help build character.
Includes topics to help build character.

Missed the previous book? If you missed my Kickstarter project to create the book Stay Home: The Ugly Truth About Space Travel, there are pledge levels to get them too (B and D). 




What the critics are saying...

“Farting is wrong? Who knew?”

“Nice drawings. They haunt my dreams.”

“Excellent gift for friends—especially those unaccustomed to Earthly ways.”

“A perfect blend of silly and practical.”

SCHEDULE

When will you receive your rewards? The book is written and the drawings are done. The page files are complete. I feel safe to promise July 2019. There’s still a lot of proofing, printing, binding, inspecting, and packing to do. I’ll push to make it sooner, but cannot promise.

SHIPPING

Where to? Kickstarter will add the cost of shipping to your pledge based on where you live. 

International shipping. In some countries, customs duties may be applied to print shipments. I have no way of predicting if they’ll apply to your shipment. Customs inspections are very arbitrary and willy-nilly. Most shipments slide through without any extra duties, but a few sponsors may find that a customs fee has been slapped on. I can’t predict it or avoid it. 

Pay attention. If you are an international sponsor and receive a tracking number when we ship, track your package daily to make sure it doesn’t get hung up in the system and returned to me. Don’t just assume it will show up at your door. Shipments have a way of getting stalled when they are nearly at your house, and monitoring the status of the tracking number allows you to intervene promptly—before the authorities send the package back.

LOOSE ENDS

Updates and progress reports. Sponsors of this project will receive periodic updates through Kickstarter as the project unfolds but not so often that you think I’m an obnoxious pest.

Questions? Send me your questions and if I know the answer, I’ll add the Q and A to the FAQ section of this page.

Leftovers from my previous Kickstarter projects are available while supplies last at www.calamityware.com. Not only is this a good place to find some unusual gifts, but it is the only place you’ll find the world’s greatest shower curtain.

Don
Pittsburgh, February 15, 2019

Risks and challenges

This is my 38th Kickstarter project. I’m starting to understand how they roll so the risk is relatively small. The book has already been written and illustrated. The page files are complete. If I get enough sponsors, I’ll be able to justify a production run. All the production steps are conventional—basically unchanged for hundreds of years. No dubious technological innovations are needed.

Of course, the project is still vulnerable to all the problems that fickle fate can throw at us (meteorites, wrinkles in the time-space continuum, fallible human beings, etc.).

I assure you, this project will get my almost-full attention until production is successfully completed. I haven’t let any of my Kickstarter sponsors down yet. Stick with me.

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Support

  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $13 or more About $13

    A: One Book

    One copy of the little, lavishly illustrated, 68-page hardcover book, Monster Etiquette: An illustrated Guide to Genteel Behavior.

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    262 backers
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  2. Select this reward

    Pledge $22 or more About $22

    B: One of Each Book

    One copy of the little, lavishly illustrated, 68-page hardcover book, Monster Etiquette: An illustrated Guide to Genteel Behavior. And one copy of the earlier illustrated book Stay Home: The Ugly Truth About Space Travel.

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    284 backers
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  3. Select this reward

    Pledge $32 or more About $32

    C: Three Books

    Three copies of the little, lavishly illustrated, 68-page hardcover book, Monster Etiquette: An illustrated Guide to Genteel Behavior.

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    132 backers
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  4. Select this reward

    Pledge $60 or more About $60

    D: Three of Each Book

    Three copies of the little, lavishly illustrated, 68-page hardcover book, Monster Etiquette: An illustrated Guide to Genteel Behavior. And three copies of the earlier illustrated book Stay Home: The Ugly Truth About Space Travel. (Total of six rare, first-edition books.)

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    64 backers
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  5. Select this reward

    Pledge $90 or more About $90

    E: Ten Books

    Ten copies of the little, lavishly illustrated, 68-page hardcover book, Monster Etiquette: An illustrated Guide to Genteel Behavior.

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    Estimated delivery
    Ships to Anywhere in the world
    7 backers
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Funding period

- (23 days)