Peeved? It’s healthy to express your feelings. But you are too classy for crude curses. The Classy Curse Kit gives you the tools you need to indicate that you are irked without resorting to barbaric blasphemies.
Polite obscenities. Each element of the Classy Curse Kit includes a colorful and typographically refined all-purpose curse in a socially acceptable form—the euphemism graphic. This design features a dignified frame in simmering gray accented with volcanic red characters.
What you’ll get. Each kit includes all the tools you need to express yourself with refinement, including:
Two porcelain Classy Curse mugs. Display your Classy Curse mug anytime an offensive or blasphemous expression is called for. To turn up the heat, simultaneously brandish two or more mugs. These are high-quality, 12-ounce mugs produced at the award-winning Karolina workshop in Poland using the proven in-glaze technique. Mugs are food safe, microwave safe, and dishwasher safe so you can express yourself every day.
Quality. The Classy Curse Mug is NOT like those #$%*?&! ceramic mugs you get free from the auto body shop or the veterinarian. This is fine porcelain that will enhance your dinner table today and, with a little #$%*?&! care, will also delight your descendants for generations.
These 12-ounce mugs are the perfect size. I worked hard to find the perfect mug size and shape. I wanted to avoid the discomfort of gargantuan mugs that are too big to lift and dinky mugs that require constant refills. I’ve selected a bold cylindrical shape with a graceful, plump, rounded handle. A classic form that goes with nearly everything.
Why two? When you see how fine these mugs are, you’re going to be glad you have multiples. If you are a lone wolf who survives with only one mug in your kitchen, you’ll have an extra mug to give as a #$%*?&! gift. Besides, I don’t have the resources to pack and ship mugs in different quantities. Keeping track of all that would make my head explode.
One dozen Classy Curse note cards with matching envelopes. Use these 4.25" X 5.5" cards to correspond with the people who rile you. The inside is blank so there is plenty of room to describe the sources of your displeasure and capture the true dimensions of your annoyance. Blank, A2 envelopes are included. Just add a stamp and you can go postal.
One dozen Classy Curse calling cards with customizable Banner-Hulk scale so you can indicate precisely how irked you are and why. These cards are ideal to tell family, co-workers, and strangers why you are miffed. Put one under the windshield wiper of a driver who has taken your favorite parking place (I’m irked) or leave it on the desk of a co-worker who takes the last donut from the coffee room (I’m furious).
Banner-Hulk? Remember gentle Dr. David Banner and his ferocious alter ego, The Incredible Hulk? That’s the essence of this scale. A scientifically precise way to articulate exactly how pissed you are. Hand one of these cards to everyone who irritates you. Will a dozen be enough?
Euphemism window decal so you can flaunt your displeasure to passing motorists or co-workers outside your glass-walled cubicle. Removable decals measure 5.5" x 1.75" (14 x 4.5 cm).
Memorable gift. Consider the Classy Curse Kit for friends who unable to swear effectively, friends who swear often but without grace, and friends who have jobs that limit them to only socially acceptable expressions of rage. It’s also perfect for friends who are enduring setbacks that are ample justification for swearing.
When will the kits will be ready? I’ve already completed design for all the elements of the kit and reviewed prototypes. If we reach the funding goal, production will start after the Kickstarter project closes. The mugs require the longest production time. Assuming nothing calamitous happens, you should be enjoying your Classy Curse Kits by the end of December 2016. Perhaps sooner. You’ll get updates along the way so you always know what’s going on.
Free shipping in USA. If you live in the United States, there’s no additional charge to deliver your reward to your door. We’ll also apply the amount we’ve budgeted for postage to international orders, so international sponsors only need to pay the extra amount beyond what a U.S. shipment costs.
International shipping. Classy Curse Kits can ship anywhere in the world. Orders outside the U.S. have a postage charge that varies depending on where the package is going. Porcelain is heavy, so postage costs are shockingly high. But for a treasured heirloom that may last generations, perhaps you can justify the expense.
Read this if you are outside the U.S. In some countries, customs duties may be applied to shipments. I have no way of predicting if they’ll apply to your shipment. Customs inspections are very arbitrary and willy-nilly. Most packages sail through without any duty, but some are selected by chance and the recipient gets hit with a #$%*?&! duty fee. So if you can’t tolerate the risk that your shipment might get selected for extra costs, you should probably not support this project. Or arrange to have your reward shipped to a friend in the U.S. who can bring you your Kit in their luggage next trip.
We’ll be using the U.S. Postal Service for these shipments because that seems to minimize the number of packages that get hit with customs fees, and there are no extra broker fees added.
If you are an international sponsor and receive a tracking number when we ship, track your package daily to make sure it doesn’t get hung up in the system and returned to us. Don’t just assume it will show up at your door. Shipments have a way of getting stalled, and monitoring the status of the tracking number allows you to intervene promptly.
What’s going on? Sponsors of this project will receive periodic updates through Kickstarter as the project unfolds. You can also receive a trickle of news about all my silly projects by liking the Calamityware Facebook page.
Questions? Send me your questions and I’ll add them and the answers to the FAQ section at the bottom of this page.
Risks and challenges
Countless things could go wrong to delay this project. But the design is done and the pre-production proofs have been approved. So if I get enough sponsors, I can green-light production without delay. I’m using a workshop with impressive capabilities. So technical problems are unlikely. The biggest risk is that production will take longer than anticipated—perhaps because someone with a bigger order gets into the production queue ahead of us.
We could also run into delays if the ship sinks. But I think that risk is pretty small.
Assembling all the elements of the Kits together is something new for this project. But we’ll be working with an experienced crew and have adequate time blocked out in the schedule.
I promise that I won’t stop working until all my sponsors receive their Classy Curse Kits. I’m pretty confident we’ll be shipping by December 2016.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (28 days)