A whistle. If you leave the house wearing it you are encouraged to assume only that you will suddenly be needed to referee a sporting event or add backing tracks on late-70's era disco songs (see Donna Summer's Bad Girls) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbGKeyCywTY).
When next we find ourselves in the same town, we can sit in the sun by a body of water featuring ducks and feed them bread crusts and such for about an hour or until something interesting happens.*
*If you get to see the show you will know the significance of this. If you don't get to see the show first, then I will explain the significance by the pond which I'm sure will lead to an even more interesting conversation than we are already having!
A limited edition photo from my promotional shots which features a happy-go-lucky naked lady risking a lot on the mean streets of Bed-stuy in the dark shadows of a Brooklyn night, proving with said photo that you can wear anything you like and act however you like even in sketchy places and you won't get raped if there isn't a rapist there. They really should get all the credit.
When next we find ourselves in the same city as Daniel Tosh we can go to his show and heckle him a bit. Not because he shouldn't be able to say whatever he wants, but just to see if he says anything funny back in response.