Funded! This project was successfully funded on November 29, 2012.

Update #7

Introducing Our New Writer

29 comments
1 like

So. We've been approached by numerous writers, some professional, some not, some of them very good, some not. We have given all those who applied fair consideration. After much thought and in depth, painstaking deliberation we've finally agreed on a writer for Sui Generis. While his background in writing is informal, he has extensive experience writing for games, dialogue in particular. He seriously impressed us with the samples he wrote, he also demonstrated a fantastic understanding of our project in general, especially what we hope to achieve with our dialogue system. In short, he's awesome. Go ahead and introduce yourself Tony.

Hello! I'm Tony Dye, an IT Project Manager from Texas and an experienced writer for online games. My gaming experience dates back into the dim mists of time, where I cut my teeth playing text adventures on the TI99-4/A. For seven years I was part of the Avlis persistent world for Neverwinter Nights, first as a player, then as a gamemaster and finally Head DM. While on the staff I designed areas, wrote and edited wiki entries, item descriptions, character biographies, and hundreds of quests both static and dynamic, with dozens of them purely improvised. During that time I was responsible for all storyline review and creation as well as character development and plot continuity, and led an expansive overhaul of the game world involving a team of 20 gamemasters, level builders, and programmers.


We like this, thanks Tony. We firmly believe Tony will be a highly valuable addition to our team in many ways and we are proud to welcome him aboard. Below is a sample of what Tony wrote for us. It's a brief but great example of the style of dialogue that will typically feature in Sui Generis.


_________________________________________________________________


Jack leaned against the side of the building, trying to catch his breath. Behind him, beyond the palisade, shadows still prowled. Unable to scale the fortifications, they paced back and forth at the edge of the clearing in the vain hope he would emerge again. Eventually the high, nasal whine of their frustration slowly faded as the beasts retreated, and after a few more minutes Jack finally relaxed. He brushed the twigs from his hair, picked a few brambles from the hem of his cloak, and headed directly for the smithy.
“Good morning!”
“It may be...”, said the shopkeeper.
“Are you open, friend? I have need of a new blade.”
“We are as open as your purse, good sir.”
“Ahh. I’ve little wish to empty its contents on the counter...”
“Then we’re closed. Good morning!”
“Wait! I could be persuaded to pry it open... for the right weapon”
“Then I shall do my best to find such a weapon! What exactly are you looking for?”
“Not this.” *he displays a pitted, mostly dull and slightly crooked longsword*
“Gods below, what have you been using this for?!”
“Its main purpose of late seems to be acting as excess weight. It also does an excellent job of antagonising enemies, and impeding my subsequent flight from them”
“I could hardly sell you a worse weapon, friend. I have several fine oaken broom handles that would be a clear improvement!”
“I would prefer something sharper than a broom handle...”
“A basket of bread would be sharper than this apprentice’s accident.”
“Indeed. But again, let us confine ourselves to swords and the like.”
“Yes, yes. I have a fine journeyman blade, never used in combat. Its former owner was consumed by a bear a fortnight ago.”
“He was taken unawares by a bear?”
“I hardly think so. They make an awful noise, do they not?”
“But you said the blade was never used...”
“Quite so. The poor man left it at home for fear of chipping the finish before his master smith’s examination”
“Not the best decision, in hindsight.”
“I should think he would agree... now let us talk price.”


_________________________________________________________________


Awesome, right? We think so... and then there were 6!

All the best,

The Bare Mettle team

Fawzi Menkhour likes this update.

Comments

    1. Fb_profile_picture.small

      Creator Jonathan Rudd on December 6, 2012

      That was definitely worth reading - you lot are going to make something great. That's why I pledged, then doubled my pledge and annoyed a fair few of my followers with posts about Sui Generis! #Excited!

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      Creator Sangster on November 24, 2012

      I genuinely laughed at the smith's lines. Very good, I look forward to reading more in game. As another huge fan of Black Adder's brilliant dialogue I agree with Daniel below.

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      Creator Some Guy on November 22, 2012

      I think it would be interesting to add more "Black Adder" into the mix haha.

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      Creator Some Guy on November 22, 2012

      I like it Tony. Nice work

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      Creator Anthony Dye on November 19, 2012

      Tony here: What you’re reading is one of a number of samples I submitted, aimed at expressing a few different stylistic possibilities based on the work the team has already done. Even the darkest stories need a breath of levity from time to time, or the pacing just grinds you into the dust. I think you’ll see a lot of that duality come to the fore as time passes and I get well into the writing.

      Bare Mettle has been tuning this concept for a long time, and it’s not terribly fair to judge the game as lacking a story based on a single sample. In the days ahead I hope to show you all a few pieces of the world behind the engine, and I think you’ll be as pleased as I was!

      Mark: Eddings is a great one, especially for his dialog. In terms of tone I think it’s off the mark - Sui Generis won’t be as relentlessly optimistic in concept as either of Eddings’s series’ were. I’ve admired his work for a long time, though.

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      Creator Brian on November 19, 2012

      I guess this is going to be one of those games where I skip all the storyline and just try to enjoy the gameplay. It's a shame because video games can be an excellent vehicle for storytelling, but then again I don't think you guys ever were particularly interested in doing that to begin with.

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      Creator Tristan Marshall on November 18, 2012

      I’ve been considering backing this for a while, but this update made me seriously reconsider. Is this intended to come off as lighthearted, witty banter? It leaves me cold for a few reasons:

      1) It is completely at odds with the tone of everything else you have shown of the game.

      2) It is far, far too long. What is the point of this exchange? It is a lengthy and overly verbose back-and-forth about how your current sword is not very good. You don't learn anything from it - all it does is get in the way of your being able to actually visit the damn shop.

      3) It sounds nothing like the way people actually talk. If it's is intended as some sort of meta-commentary about poor game writing then ok good show, but otherwise it doesn't really work.

      4) If this is supposed to sound offbeat and funny then I think you need to reconsider a little. Much as I hate over-analysing humour, I feel the need to point a couple of things out here. The source of the humour is:

      i) Your sword is not very sharp.
      ii) A man leaves his sword at home for fear of damaging it. He is then eaten by a bear.

      I hope I don't have to explain how (i) is not exactly A material. (ii) might have generated a brief chuckle, but it is ruined by the writer's inability to properly structure a joke. Here's a tip: identify the part that's funny and save that for the end. In this case the payoff is in a man's poor decision-making leading to him getting killed, but instead the writer blurts that out at the very start, leaving him to fall back on dull sarcasm as a kind of synthetic punchline. "Feed line, then punchline" is a pretty universal rule. It can be broken in the right contexts (such as the Monty Python sketches that the writer is trying to ape), but this little excerpt is not one of those exceptions.

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      Creator Thomas Nadin on November 17, 2012

      Loved the writing Tony! Have you wrote any books/short stories?

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      Creator Samuel on November 17, 2012

      I absolutely loved this snippet of conversation, the humor in it was immensely refreshing!
      Good work hiring this very talented writer!

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      Creator CDSAfghan on November 17, 2012

      Will your characters Intelligence play a role in dialogue? Is there an intelligence "stat" at all?

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      Creator Evan on November 16, 2012

      I didn't mean to be harsh, just critical. You can be humorous without sounding jokey. Again, I think the Thief writers succeeded there. Too many writers want to bash you over the head with how clever they are, but the successful ones are more subtle. Anyway, a tiny clip is no way to judge and it's easy for random wags on the internet to pick it apart. The real question is the large scale consistency, and how the entire world holds together. So best of luck!

    12. Nexusavatar.small

      Creator Theobeau:OOoE\Mad man with a box/Exiled on November 16, 2012

      Welcome on-board Tony!

      I for one, enjoyed that little vinette of dialogue. A bit humour in the back and forth banter is a welcome relief from standard high fantasy lore-laden conversations.

      Looking forward to future updates as part of the final KS push.

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      Creator Bare Mettle Entertainment on November 16, 2012

      The sample is done in precisely the style we requested and based on our own samples that we provided to potential writers. Certainly this is theatrical and humorous in tone and is not representative of all dialogue and characters. Those that have been following us more closely probably expected something much like this.

      To say the game has no theme and is merely a construct seems inappropriate given what we've expressed. The fact that we haven't revealed much yet doesn't mean it's not there. We're aware that our presentation is ineffective and that it has been focused on the wrong aspects of our work. We're trying to rectify this but we've been overwhelmed with everything that running this Kickstarter campaign has entailed. The concept for this game really is the product of many, many years of work and passion. It's the only reason we're doing any of this in the first place.

      We plan to post another update soon with more writing, we just have to filter out the spoilers first!

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      Creator Berk on November 16, 2012

      Welcome Tony, his past seems an experienced writer ! Hope you will have great and long ways to go with him in this squad, there are many achievements that wait you guys to accomplish in best possible way, no doubt about that !

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      Creator Minsc&Boo on November 16, 2012

      I have read the dialog, and being English I can say that yes in a Monty Pythonesque world, this dialog would be somewhat relevant. But Sui Genesis does not present itself this way. If anything, it has no theme, it is merely a construct.
      If Sui genesis's creator has not included character, story and lore in their vision, then I say don't provide written samples until that has been established, as evidently, people will get the wrong idea.

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      Creator Mark Newcombe on November 16, 2012

      Did anybody else get a "David Eddings" tone from the above writing??
      Think Sir Spawhawk - The Elenium??? anybody??

    17. Missing_small

      Creator Tom on November 16, 2012

      Oh, and further writing samples would be welcome indeed!

    18. Missing_small

      Creator Tom on November 16, 2012

      That was a bit harsh, Evan. As far as I know, the setting is not 'Ye Olde England' and no attempt was made in that small vignette to establish any sort of haughty banter. It was a writing sample, plain and simple. As such, it showed both a sense of humor and an understanding that while the world might be inhospitable the people there in are not necessarily given to dire personalities. I suspect that the game as a whole will not be just a series of punchlines.

      Good to have you aboard, Tony. Will you be here all week? If so, I will be sure to tell all my friends.

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      Creator ET3D on November 16, 2012

      What Motorsheep and Martijn Tolsma said.

      Welcome Tony. I'm sure you'll be a great addition to the Bare Mettle team.

    20. Missing_small

      Creator Evan on November 16, 2012

      I hate to be the stick in the mud, but to me it's trying way too hard. I can almost hear the goofy soundtrack behind it telling you "this is funny, you are supposed to laugh now". It's not bad to be funny but it should arise naturally out of the situation, rather than coming across like a routine.

      And anyway, what are a blacksmith and an adventurer doing with all that poncy talk? They're rough low-class men who live physical and violent lives, not college kids trying to impress with witty banter. If you want to be Ye Olde English fantasy cliche then at least check out some real English countryside dialect, or invent your own hybrid. Or if you want funny, go listen to the guards in Thief, those guys were great.

      But honestly, as long as you stay away from the "Hi I just saw you walking by here's my one sentence life story" RPG cliche then it'll be better writing than Oblivion / Skyrim.

    21. Missing_small

      Creator Mikael Nordin on November 16, 2012

      Very impressive. My expectations for this game are indeed high, and now even higher, but I suspect they will even be excessively met. There times are good times.

    22. Dresden%20codak%20-%20i%20will%20do%20science.small

      Creator Chris on November 16, 2012

      Wow, IT Project Manager, and time to write stories? Hire me please.

    23. Missing_small

      Creator sunburnedpenguin on November 16, 2012

      Good writing, Tony! I do hope you will write in Oxford English instead of our native bastardisation of the tongue, though.

    24. Missing_small

      Creator Tomas on November 16, 2012

      Loved the writing! Welcome Tony, and lead us into awesomeness!

    25. Missing_small

      Creator Braden on November 16, 2012

      That was a great read!

    26. Fb_profile_picture.small

      Creator Martijn Tolsma on November 16, 2012

      Yes! Thank you! I know I've wined a lot about the writing/story, so I thank you for sharing this. It is excellent.

    27. Sheep_large_monocle.small

      Creator Motorsheep on November 16, 2012

      Yeah, this was a fun read, and very well written as far as I can judge.

      It might just be a tad too strong in the "witticisms" section. As in, a lot of funny things are said, but they stall the actual progress of the dialogue just tiny little bit too much for my taste.

    28. 16.small

      Creator Blackstaff The Unknown Obsidian Order on November 16, 2012

      Welcome Tony :)

      British humor is something to be afraid of ^_^

    29. Avatar.small

      Creator Psychomorph on November 16, 2012

      I enjoyed the short read. Immersive writing, the kind of thing this game needs.

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