My colleagues I believe that video games and computer simulations are the ultimate tool for improving humanity, from our daily standards of living, to the very nature of our being. Recently, we were gathered together to discuss how best to achieve these goals. We talked, as humans talked: over drinks, and we drank, as humans drink: from cans.
It was this fact that brought us to the topic of a problem that has plagued humanity for centuries.
Our cans, like all cans, were disappointingly short.
We first talked about how to solve the problem physically, but we quickly realized that limitations of materials, manufacturing, and economics prevented a practical solution.
It then dawned on us that there was another way to bring this important experience to mankind. Thanks to modern advances in consumer technology, virtual-reality is now available in the homes of people all over the world. No longer are we limited by the mundane rules of physics. Finally, we are free to explore the limits of our imagination.
Thus, I’m proud to present our revolutionary new virtual reality experience. We call it: Canlonger.
With Canlonger, along with an Oculus Rift Touch or HTC Vive, not only have we created the most accurate and flexible virtual-can-simulator in the world, but now, using Cribzero’s cutting edge, patent pending CANLONGING technology, you can finally feel the satisfaction of creating, opening, and virtually drinking from a beverage can as long as you desire.
Don’t believe me? Don’t need to. We’ve already built a working prototype, but it needs a lot of polish before we can release it to the public. That’s where you come in.
For our base goal, we’re keeping it simple and realistic. You’ll create a can from colorful choice of virtual brands, and then use your controllers and Cribzero’s PATENT PENDING canlonging technology to stretch the can to whatever length you like. Finally, Listen to the satisfying hiss as you crack the can open with the virtual tab, and virtually drink to your actual heart’s content.
Now, we know what you’re thinking, this advanced technology will come at a steep cost, right? In fact, we feel so strongly about this software’s ability to improve the human experience, we will be releasing CanLonger to the public COMPLETELY FREE. This is why we need your help to make this dream come true, not just for us, not just for you, but for all of humankind.
Does it end there? Of course not. We have a nearly endless list of ideas on how to improve the virtual drinking experience. We’re willing to go great lengths to keep advancing the software. As such, we have boiled our favorite potential features into stretch goals that will help people feel drinking satisfaction for decades to come.
Want to create a can of a specific length? One of our goals is to include a virtual ruler in every copy of CanLonger.
Who doesn’t love tailgating? How about an extra long cooler, to give you the virtual feel of plunging your hand into the ice and extracting an ice cold can of Mountain Gumption that’s as long as your truck bed is wide?
Just imagine the satisfaction of crushing a 4 foot long empty can against your forehead with realistic can-crumpling physics?
Of course, all backers will be rewarded with a restful night’s sleep knowing that they helped bring this dark era in human existance to a close, but to show our appreciation for those who choose to support our vision, we’ve also created a number of rewards almost as satisfying as a cracking open a meter long can of Crystal Creek.
For just 10 dollars, we’ll put your name in the ingredient list of every can in canlonger.
Perhaps you'd like to show how much you care about humanity's drinking satisfaction by proudly wearing a stylish Canlonger long-sleeved T-shirt?
If you want something physical that you can keep to celebrate your virtual triumph, we’ll billet mill you a scale sculpture of a satisfyingly long can out of a SOLID BLOCK OF ALUMINUM. (b-roll of lathe)
For those who are truly dedicated to the the cause, you can send us pictures of your drinking room at home, and we’ll work with you to model it out in 3d so you can enjoy a virtual drink in the comfort of your own virtual real-home.
Now comes the time to act. Support us in creating a new world free from the disappointment of never having experienced the joy of drinking from very, very long virtual cans.
- $3000 - A Ruler
- $4000 - A "snap-to-inch" option
- $5000 - Digital length entry in feet/inches
- $5100 - Digital length entry in feet/tenths of inches
- $5200 - Digital length entry in feet/hundredths of inches
- $5500 - Fractional length entry in feet/inches
- $6000 - Digital length entry in metric length units
- $10,000 - A really long cooler filled with ice
- $20,000 - a much higher fidelity indoor scene!
- $30,000 - a high fidelity outdoor scene. Lots of space for even longer cans!
- $50,000 - Multiplayer capability
- $100,000 - can-crumpling physics!
- $200,000 - Actually somehow turn this into a game
P.S. Also, we make video games, and profits that come from this will directly be applied not just to finishing this little project, but supporting us so we can continue making awesome, interesting games. We have some stuff in the pipeline that we think you'll find super cool, so we really appreciate the support!
Risks and challenges
We do not yet know if there is such a thing as a can that is too long, and if there is, there is no way we can predict the consequences of such a thing.Learn about accountability on Kickstarter
- (30 days)