The March to April
Hello Kickstarter! Ryan and Jon here, back once more with tales from our journeys. "Journeys" being used here to make our lives sound much more exciting than they actually are.
The month of March has come and gone, and we inch ever closer to that hallowed, mythicised day of full release. Of the game. Full release of the game is what we meant.
It has been an exciting month for us here at Stone Monkey Studios, with tons of new developments to share with you. Let's get right to it, shall we?!
First things first, we're proud to announce...
That's right folks! We've done the math, and as far as we can estimate, City Quest will release on February 29, 2022. I know it sounds like a long time from now, but really, it's only a solid eight years from now. The best thing you can do is try to picture yourself as an ancient tree, perhaps a majestic Sequoia, or an aged Bristlecone Pine. When you're thousands of years old, 8 years is trivial. So let's all pretend we're trees, and just roll with it.
Yes, 2022 is going to be an exciting year folks. The People's Republic of States will finally enter World War 4, once more confident in their military superiority (after, of course, finally re-discovering the spear). Robot David Letterman takes over for David Letterman as host of the Late Show. Of course, the biggest story of the year will be City Quest's meteoric drop, and subsequent lack of sales due to 2018's crippling solar flare and following destruction of every electronic device on earth. Stone Monkey Studios will decline to comment on how they managed to finish the game, but deny rumors that it had anything to do with a summoned demon.
Hmm... that might have gotten a bit out of hand. Well, we'd also like to announce...
That's right folks! We've officially become characters from our game and whored ourselves wholesale to EA! They offered us money, and we near instantly dropped to our knees! Be happy for us, this means we no longer need your money! Hooray!
We haven't even told you the best part of this partnership...
We and our new overlords have come to the absolutely unanimous decision to insert consumer-friendly piracy protection. Fear not, this is only to ensure that you're using your game in the way WE intend you to. A curated experience of sorts.
First off, we're integrating support for Retinal Scans, Fingerprint recognition, and DNA coding!! When you first install the game, we've added a few small steps to ensure that the person installing it is the one that will be playing it. Fortunately for you, the accompanying device to process said retinal scans, fingerprints, and DNA is included with the hard copy version of the game for free! OOH! By the way, that reminds us. Hard copies of the game are now available on our website for $499.99 (plus S/H)! Order now while supplies last!
Hmm... there was something else to announce, but what was it... Oh yes, this:
For PC, Mac, and Linux versions only, we've decided to upgrade our graphical style. We've spent countless hours this month 3D modelling hundreds of new models for our game. Everyone is talking about 3D nowadays, so we thought "Hey! Why not us, too?!", and then promptly answered our own question by getting to work.
For the first time every, here's a sneak-peak of our main character, in cripplingly high-definition 3D:
This model alone was the work of 12 men. We (EA) are (is) sparing no expense in this endeavor!
Now, all you retro fans are probably feeling pretty left out by all this 3D HD BS, right? Well, we've got even more exciting news for you whiners:
Yes, that's right! In addition to PC, Mac, Linux, iOS, Android, and OUYA, we've decided to get in touch with our roots.
We're proud to announce our first new platform, Gameboy! Jon and Ryan both hold a special place in their hearts for the Gameboy system. Some months ago, we'd discussed the possibility of developing a game for one of these old retro platforms, but not until earlier this year did we think it would be possible to backport that far. Fortunately, Unity's recent announcement of retro platform support has allowed us to bring City Quest over to the Gameboy with only a few dozen hours of work. Just in case you think we're kidding, here is an actual screenshot that has definitely not been doctored in any way:
As you can see, the platform is a perfect fit.
We're not done though! Once this was rolling, we of course thought "Where should we go from here", and after several lines of pure, sweet, definitely legal... uuh brain enhancers, we came up with this:
Yes! Virtual Boy support is happening! We already have a setup for the Oculus Rift, why not just take it a step further and just tickle all up on your nostalgia. In our opinion, the Rift is just entirely too stable. We understand that some people get motion sickness, but we want EVERYBODY to share the same experience. Plus, the Virtual Boy is actually almost 4 times the resolution we're simulating, so we've got plenty of room for this beast!
Last but not least, we're announcing our final platform, which, ironically, was many people's first platforms...
I don't even think I really need to explain myself here. You know why this is happening.
Finally, we've got one last announcement. This is something that we honestly feel is going to change the world.
Since the dawn of video games, we've been bound to a monitor of some sort. Your computer monitor, your television, the screens on your handheld devices, screens everywhere. What a hassle, amiright? Well, it's finally time that