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Keep Cerebus in Hell (?). Forever. Where he deserves to be. WHEEEE!!!
90 backers pledged $1,900 to help bring this project to life.

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$1,900

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Friends, enemies, and postcardophiles, 

Cerebus in Hell? needs your help! 

Now, I hear some of you asking, “What IS CEREBUS IN HELL? Is it a series of self-contained humorous one-shots that chronicle the afterlife of Cerebus the Aardvark?  Is it a collection of four panel gag strips?  Is it the comic that has won more self-appointed awards than any other book in the industry?”  

And the answer to all three of these is YES!  In 2019, Aardvark-Vanaheim, publisher of CEREBUS IN HELL?, has awarded the CEREBUS IN HELL? one-shots numerous awards, far too many to list here.  A sampling of the awards are: 

-Best Dogs 'Reproducing' cover: SUPER CEREBUS ANNUAL

-Best Female version of a male character: CEREBUS WOMAN 

-Best Public Domain Woodcut Artist: Gustave Doré 

-Best 'After Gag' : GIANT SIZE JINGLES, Page 17 

-Best 'Non-Sequel issue that Looks-Like-A-Sequel': SIM CITY: THAT ISSUE AFTER 

-Best use of the word "BUTT" in a word balloon:  FORNICATORS INC. (promotional strip)

 So far 27 issues of CIH? have been published. However, we need YOUR help to keep CIH? going, and to help spread the word about Cerebus in Hell? How can you do that? Easy! 

This Postcard commemorates the publication THE LGBTQ ETC PEOPLE and FORNICATORS INC, the 27th and 28th CIH? Books.   

Now's the part where we beg. We plead. We have another ten months worth of CIH? issues in the can. Ten months of totally unhinged, totally readable, totally equal-opportunity-offensive, totally inedible issues of CIH? ready to print, for you! (YOU!! The one with the hair!!! Yeah, I'm taking to you. Hope that's okay.) And all that's keeping us from that goal is. Well. Renumeration. Lucre. The Big Green. A pile of ABE LINCOLNS. AND NOT THE COPPER ONES. UNLESS IT WAS A REALLY BIG PILE. 

And fer Pete's sake, get on the horn to your local comic store and order the issues in question! They DEFINITELY will appreciate you preordering the issues with them, several copies ideally, then showing up to pay upon day of release, then chasing everyone who's present around the store in an effort to get them to purchase the remainder of the copies! REALLY! THEY LOVE IT. Locate your Diamond-affiliated local comic store HERE. 

A message from Cerebus creator, Dave Sim:

As promised on the Kickstarter for POSTCARD FROM HELL No.1, here's how bad the situation has gotten: we're down to our last 92 CEREBUS patrons. Total revenues were $1,654 US (including an unexpected windfall of $300 from Cedric G. at the last minute. THANK YOU, Cedric!); total expenses were $210 CDN (for the postcards, backing boards, plastic sleeves, and envelopes) and $363 CDN (Rolly's labour charges and postage). With the Canadian dollar trading at roughly 70 cents US, the $573.00 expenses Canadian translates to roughly $400 U,S. So, each of the members of the CEREBUS IN HELL? team (me, Sean, Benjamin Hobbs and David Birdsong) made a little over $300 each. So, given that the length of the campaign was two months (from outset to fulfillment), that means we each made $150 a month or $37 a week. Which is not (I hope we can all agree) a living wage. Without Cedric G.'s $300 windfall, we each would have made $225 in two months, $112.50 a month or $28 a week.  

 “To try and turn that around a bit, we're going to shorten the campaign itself to two weeks and (hopefully) the fulfillment period to two weeks.  

I'm hoping that the 92 remaining CEREBUS patrons can be relied upon to sustain the current level of support. But if -- as things always have for the last 25 years --things get progressively worse, I'll be right here letting you know: how many fewer patrons we have and how much less money they've pledged as we do each successive POSTCARD FROM HELL.  

  “It's very difficult to keep working when you make less and less money at your job every month, as I've been doing for the last 25 years. We're doing what we can. I think it's pretty impressive that we're able to not only do a monthly CEREBUS comic book but that we're actually working pretty close to a year ahead. Benjamin's working on the March, 2020 issue, THE VARKING DEAD, I just finished my part of the April, 2020 issue, GREEN DANTE GREEN VIRGIL and will be, God willing, diving in on the May, 2020 issue, ATTRACTIVE COUSINS, later this week.  

I've asked the guys to post "What I'm working on right now" as often as possible during the two weeks of the POSTCARD FROM HELL #2 campaign and I'm going to try to do the same, just so everyone is aware that what we're talking about is OUR JOBS here. What we do is a lot of fun, but you need to get paid for it to be an actual JOB.” 

The EXCITING 2019 Checklist!
The EXCITING 2019 Checklist!

Risks and challenges

The previous POSTCARD FROM HELL was delivered within 2 to 3 weeks of the campaign ending. Having done it once before, this MOSTLY NEW POSTCARD FROM HELL will be delivered in a similar timely fashion.

The postcard is finished and ready to go to the printers as soon as we're funded, so the risks associated with this project are minimal. However, here ARE some occurrences that COULD stop us from delivering on this project, presented in order of likelihood:

1-The pen that Dave Sim uses to sign each postcard explodes in his face, blinding him in the process. If this happens, he'll still sign the cards... and probably part of his writing desk. The writing-desk portion of his signature will NOT be included when the rewards are mailed out.

2-Sean Robinson, David Birdsong and Benjamin Hobbs take their HUGE windfall from the previous POSTCARD FROM HELL and decide to embark on THE GRAND TOUR of Europe, only to run out of money when they arrive at the Beauvais-Tillé Airport. If this happens, it won't effect the completion of the project. Dave will go ahead and print the already completed Postcard and find 3 ALL NEW, ALL DIFFERENT guys to work on CIH? Guys who only travel when there's money for a RETURN ticket.

3-A giant electromagnetic pulse wipes out all electronics on Earth. If this happens, you probably won't notice that your POSTCARD FROM HELL didn't show up. You'll be too busy dealing with the collapse of society.

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  1. Select this reward

    Pledge $1 or more About $1.00

    IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND

    There’s NO physical reward! There’s not even a DIGITAL one! BUT! We can’t prevent you from IMAGINING a postcard! Please IMAGINE the card with ALL the extra BENDS and FOLDS for complete AUTHENTICITY!

    Includes:
    • Nothing (It's real if you IMAGINE IT)
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    Pledge $6 or more About $6

    BEAT TO HELL

    For $6, we will send you the @#$%ING FLIMSY POSTCARD FROM HELL? No. 2! It’s printed very nicely on really CHEAP card stock! BONUS! It comes with a STAMP so the post office won’t just CHUCK IT! Is it going to get BEAT TO HELL? We HOPE so! Numbered by a @#$%ING MACHINE and signed by a HUMAN called DAVE SIM!

    Includes:
    • One card!
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    Pledge $9 or more About $9

    DON'T DAMAGE MY @#$%ING POSTCARD

    For $9, you get the @#$%ING FLIMSY POSTCARD FROM HELL? No. 2, but it comes with a BACKING BOARD and PLASTIC BAG to keep it in MINT CONDITION! STILL numbered by a @#$%ING MACHINE and signed by DAVE SIM, but perhaps a little more carefully (depending on how Dave’s @#$%ING DAMAGED WRIST is feeling that day)! It ALL comes in an AUTHENTIC AARDVARK-VANAHEIM BUSINESS ENVELOPE!

    Includes:
    • One card!
    • Protective Sleeve and Incantation!
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  4. Select this reward

    Pledge $12 or more About $12

    PRE-BEAT TO HELL

    There were complaints on the last KICKSTARTER that the cards didn’t have ENOUGH damage to them! To correct this DAVE SIM will PERSONALLY BEND and FOLD your postcard! He may even DROP IT ON THE FLOOR and WALK ON IT! STILL numbered! STILL signed! STILL sent via OVER-PRICED and OUTDATED surface mail! EACH card will be BAGGED and BOARDED to preserve it’s PRE-BEAT TO HELL condition! WHY? Because EVERYONE on the CEREBUS IN HELL? team enjoys IRONY! (SPECIAL NOTE: No DNA traces guaranteed for this tier… if you want that kind of SICK stuff you MIGHT want to contact Dave PERSONALLY and work something out! NO we’re not GIVING you HIS number, you’re ALREADY on the internet, LOOK IT UP!)

    Includes:
    • One card!
    • Protective Sleeve and Incantation!
    • Brutal Boot Print!
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  5. Select this reward

    Pledge $15 or more About $15

    DNA INCLUDED PRE-BEAT TO HELL

    Apologies for the OVERLY SENSITIVE pledge above! Dave Sim PROMISES to leave a winter boot print AND spit on your card after BENDING and UNBENDING It! (SPECIAL NOTE: You will be 100% CULPABLE for the WAVE of Dave Sim clones in the 25th CENTURY!)

    Includes:
    • One card!
    • Protective Sleeve and Incantation!
    • Brutal Boot Print!
    • Saliva!
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    Pledge $35 or more About $35

    A LITTLE CARD FOR MY FRIENDS

    It’s the DON’T DAMAGE MY @#$%ING POSTCARD No. 2 Tier times 5! That’s right, FIVE postcards; ALL numbered; ALL bagged; ALL boarded! Keep ‘em; sell ‘em; give ‘em away! ALL! FIVE! CARDS! Sent to a SINGLE destination of your choice! We pass NO judgement on WHAT you do with ANY of them, just keep our NAMES out of it!

    Includes:
    • Like, a LOT of card!
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    Pledge $55 or more About $55

    JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH

    YES, it IS just the A LITTLE CARD FOR MY FRIENDS times 2! But think about THIS! It may be times two, but you get TEN cards! We would take the time to explain to you, but REALLY, just read the LAST TIER twice, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! ALL 10 cards sent ANYWHERE you want, they just ALL have to be together because TOGETHERNESS is what we’re ALL about (and SAVING BIG $$$ on postage)!

    Jeff S. got a list of 10 first names from his LCS (COLLEGE OF COMIC-BOOK KNOWLEDGE Minneapolis) and Dave Sim personalized the cards "to

    from Jeff S., THE COLLEGE OF COMIC BOOK KNOWLEDGE and Dave Sim". Since this helps us promote CIH? and keep it going, the personalization is FREE and each of the postcards is bagged and boarded separately.

    Includes:
    • Like, a REALLY LOT of card!
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  8. Select this reward

    Pledge $100 or more About $100

    Your FAV STRIP 4 your REALLY BIG FRIDGE

    Got a favourite CIH? strip? CRYSTAL CLEAR (i.e. Sean did the digital work) 10x15 image size on glossy 11x17 card stock personalized to you by Dave Sim and whoever-wrote-the-strip, and delivered in a SPECIAL CARDBOARD MAILING TUBE! (International postage $20!)

    Includes:
    • Your Favorite Strips
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  9. Select this reward

    Pledge $150 or more About $150

    SAY MY NAME (don't SUE us, BEYONCÉ)

    You say you want YOUR NAME somewhere in an issue of CIH? You GOT it! For a mere $150 SEAN MICHAEL ROBINSON (because no one ELSE wanted to) will PAINSTAKINGLY hide your name SOMEWHERE in the FABULOUS GUSTAVE DORÉ art in an upcoming issue of CIH? And you thought WHERE’S WALDO could be difficult! FIRST he’s gonna get your name SO WELL HIDDEN it will take you DAYS to find it! THEN he’s gonna DISTRESS it a BIT making it even HARDER to find! THEN he’s gonna use the PATENTED-SMR-RESTORATION method on it to MATCH the DORÉ art EXACTLY! It’s HOURS, DAYS and WEEKS of TORTURE… Errrrr, FUN! FUN! FUN! (SPECIAL NOTE: Issue MUST contain at least 9% DORÉ art, yeah some upcoming issues don’t have MUCH because we HAVE to keep a year AHEAD of schedule SOMEHOW!)

    Includes:
    • The MOST valuable things are really INTANGIBLE. Don't you think?
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    Pledge $155 or more About $155

    SAY MY NAME, AGAIN

    An extra FIVE bucks for WHAT? For that EXTRA fiver, we will REVEAL what issue your name ACTUALLY APPEARS in! You can't accuse US of having NO SYMPATHY for the loyal CIH? fan base!

    [Yes, this tier is CLEARLY cheating. REAL FANS minutely examine EVERY ISSUE (and they're NOT looking for MISTAKES. And they definitely DON'T TELL US about all the MISTAKES we DEFINITELY DIDN'T MAKE)]. (See that punctuation? Brackets and parentheses, living together??! There IS hope for this world yet).

    Includes:
    • Peace of mind that we didn't just PRETEND to hide your name!
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    Pledge $350 or more About $350

    YOUR AD IN THE GUTTER

    You know what they call THAT SPACE around the panels on a comic book page? That’s right, THE GUTTER! For just $350 you get a ZIPPER BOARD AD that goes ALL THE WAY AROUND one of the CIH? Strips! Not TOO INTRUSIVE, say about 9 point HELVETICA NEUE (actual TWITTER font!) and HOWEVER-MANY-CHARACTERS-THAT-WOULD-INCLUDE! You can say WHATEVER you want as long as it isn’t LIBELOUS or otherwise ILLEGAL (that’s OUR job)! Say HI to your MOM, ADVERTISE your WHATEVER, SELL your CAR, BREAK UP with your GIRLFRIEND! OH! MY! The possibilities are ENDLESS!

    Includes:
    • One wildly windy all-text missive, coming right up!
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    Pledge $350 or more About $350

    GET YOUR FACE IN THERE

    So, you want MORE than just your NAME in there? For $350 bucks we’ll INSERT YOUR IMAGE into 6 DIFFERENT PAGES in an upcoming issue of CIH? Have you EVER wanted to be seen HANGING OUT with the always funny PHILOSOPHERS? Do YOU want to be one of THE DAMNED? TORTURED by a DEMON? You supply us with a PHOTO and tell us WHICH Doré plate YOU want to be in and then SEAN ROBINSON and BENJAMIN HOBBS will fight over who get’s to draw YOU! You also get the ORIGINAL ART! That’s right, an AUTHENTIC portrait, SIX INSERTIONS into an issue of CIH? with the EXTRA ADDED BONUS of being the ENVY of SEVERAL comic-book readers! (SPECIAL NOTE: Jingles has requested that only HOT CHICKS pledge for this option! When we tried to explain that was a NO GO he kept RUNNING AROUND in a circle, CHASING HIS TAIL and WHIMPERING so we said we would pass it along! NUDITY is NOT required, but IS encouraged. You have NO GUARANTEE of “ENHANCEMENT” guys, WE MEAN IT! …Okay. For an EXTRA ‘C’ note, maybe!)

    Includes:
    • Your face!
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  13. Select this reward

    Pledge $800 or more About $800

    COVER ME

    YOU ON THE COVER!!! It’s been done before and it CAN BE DONE again! It can be YOU, your BROTHER, that GIRL you want to IMPRESS, your MOTHER! (We ALWAYS bring up MOM because you DON’T CALL HER ENOUGH and she won’t be here FOREVER you know, so PUT HER ON THE COVER to show her you CARE!) If you choose this $800 option (MAN THAT’S A GREAT LOW PRICE! I WANT ONE!) you will enter into FANTASTIC IN-DEPTH discussions (via EMAIL) with Sean Robinson or Benjamin Hobbs (or BOTH) to find the perfect FIT FOR YOU (or WHEREVER we can FIT you in) on an upcoming cover of CEREBUS IN HELL? You get the ORIGINAL ART and YOUR LIKENESS will be on a comic book cover ALL! OVER! THE! WORLD! That’s FREE EXPOSURE (well, ALMOST free) of your SWEET MUG for comic fans EVERYWHERE to get a GANDER at and BEAT THEMSELVES TO HELL for not taking advantage of THIS! SWEET!! DEAL!!! (SPECIAL NOTE: Yes, Jingles, we’ll ask about the HOT CHICKS again… NOT!)

    Includes:
    • Your face!
    • GAH-- COLOUR COVER!
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    Pledge $1,500 or more About $1,500

    CIH? ROAST — the FULL PACKAGE

    YOUR INDY COMIC CHARACTER or BUSINESS LOGO or BUSINESS IDENTITY (like, if you're a professional clown or a lawyer, run your own pizza place, etc.) ON THE COVER and a 6-page CIH? "tribute/roast" featuring the CIH? cast members you want to have making (gentle) fun of your book and/or business! Supply us with your book and as much background as possible

    - PLUS! all of the raw materials that went into the issue (mock-ups of the strips, faxes exchanged with Dave Sim's handwritten comments, autographed hand-corrected prototype)

    - CRYSTAL CLEAR (i.e. Sean will do the digital work) 10x15 image size on glossy 11x17 copy of the cover and one of the strips on glossy card stock personalized to you by Dave Sim and whoever-wrote-the-strip)

    - 5 free copies when the book comes out and as many copies as you want at 50% off the cover price (hopefully still $4.00)

    Includes:
    • Your face!
    • GAH-- COLOUR COVER!
    • 6 STRIPS FOR YOU ALL YOU!
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    Pledge $2,000 or more About $2,000

    GET YOUR FACE IN THERE (THE UPGRADE!)

    It’s the same deal as the GET YOUR FACE IN THERE Tier, but you’ll be drawn by DAVE SIM! Go down in COMIC-BOOK HISTORY as the guy who finally FRIED his right wrist COMPLETELY! Become a HERO TO FEMINISTS everywhere!

    Includes:
    • Your face!
    • BY the PEN and BRUSH of DAVE SIM!
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    Pledge $4,000 or more About $4,000

    GET YOUR FACE IN THERE (UPGRADE DEUX!)

    So, you THINK Dave has a LITTLE MORE gas in the tank? You say YOU want to TEST IT? Here's your CHANCE! Dig deep into THAT WALLET and challenge Dave to ONE MORE PORTRAIT!

    Includes:
    • Your face!
    • BY the PEN and BRUSH of DAVE SIM!
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    Pledge $8,000 or more About $8,000

    GET YOUR FACE IN THERE (TRES UPGRADE!)

    What ARE you, a MASOCHIST?!? Give the man a BREAK! You KNOW he can't turn down THAT MUCH MONEY! Fair warning, you MAY end up as series of SQUIGGLY LINES and INK BLOTS, but HEY, it's your money!

    Includes:
    • Your face!
    • BY the PEN and BRUSH of DAVE SIM!
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    Pledge $10,000 About $10,000

    GET YOUR FACE IN THERE (FINAL CHAPTER!)

    It's $10,000 because KICKSTARTER won't let us go ANY HIGHER! And REALLY, are you THIS INSANE?!? The whole team will HAVE to travel to KITCHENER to hold DAVE'S SERIOUSLY @#$%ING RUINED WRIST together with DUCT TAPE and STRING to get him ANYWHERE NEAR doing this! HAVE YOU NO SHAME! NO SYMPATHY? NO CONSCIENCE? WILL THE CHECK CLEAR?

    Includes:
    • Your face!
    • BY the PEN and BRUSH of DAVE SIM!
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Funding period

- (14 days)