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An original book of completely made up Finnish folklore that will underwrite Regretsy's goodwill tour of Finland this winter
An original book of completely made up Finnish folklore that will underwrite Regretsy's goodwill tour of Finland this winter
1,886 backers pledged $64,823 to help bring this project to life.

Recent updates

The Last, Horrible Round of Shipping is Underway


Okay everyone, we are very busy packing up the last of this crap and we couldn't be more excited!  

No, I'm lying.

We have had a lot of delays and problems: damaged merchandise, misprinted books, Hellephants that didn't fit in your USB ports and a host of other issues too tedious to recount.

Let's just say that we are entirely too simple-minded to undertake such a task, and you should have never trusted us with your money.  We took it to Finland and drank it all.

The good news is that the BANDmade books are finished and are being shipped to us now.  They look incredible!

We are hoping very hard that they will be here next week, and we will turn around and send them to you with our love and affection!

But probably not a regular printed book.

Because according to the printer, the reprinted books were delivered while we were in Finland, and were signed for by CUSTOMER WOMAN.  So apparently Tarzan was here that day, and accepted the delivery for us.

I have no idea where they are and neither does the printer. But let's not dwell on the sad stories, let's just be happy that the BANDmade books are on their way. BECAUSE THAT'S ALL I HAVE RIGHT NOW

More as this develops

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Hello You Fat Bastards

Bronc and I are very busy wrapping up all your rewards and lovingly licking your envelopes (when you get your packages, make sure to lick the adhesive and it will be like we're tongue kissing).

But we have an important question:

Did any of you also buy rewards through Paypal?  We're having some trouble matching up all these names because 1. there are thousands of you and 2. we're stupid.

If you did buy something here AND on Paypal, and you'd like us to ship everything together, let us know.  Otherwise you'll get everything in separate packages.  

Rewards will be mailed out the week of the 21st.  The books will be in our hands on November 18th, and everything has to get in the mail before we leave on November 23rd. E-books will be sent to you before Thanksgiving.

Cookies will be sent directly from Pinwheel Bakery, and they are planning on sending them out around the same time. There may be a delay with the BANDmade books, because those are handmade and may take a little longer.  If they aren't ready to send before we go, we will send them out as soon we come back on December 4th.

The holiday cards are all signed and ready to go. I know it's a little early, but I will probably send them this week.

Let us know about your Paypal purchases, and thanks again for all your support!

Survey Says...

Kickstarter has a program that lets you send a survey to everyone who funded your project, so you can make sure the orders are clear and the shipping information is correct. 

I'm going to send out the surveys and go over your orders with you in a week or so.  We'll make sure I know what you want and where I'm sending it.

I will be sending surveys out to the people who got the cookies a bit sooner, since those are coming directly from the bakery and they may need a little more lead time.

The books are going into production in about two weeks, and will be shipped in time to get the to you by Thanksgiving.  I will be sending the rewards with the books, so everything will come at he same time.

I'm not sure when I'll be making the pdfs available.  Obviously those will be finished before the printed version is done but I kind of want everyone to get everything around the same time.  I think it will be more fun that way, and no one can be a wise ass and put the pdf on Reddit.

Any questions in the meantime, you can always email me at, or you can leave them here and I'll check in every day.

And here's a hat made by Regretsy fan Gale, who wanted me to have something warm and offensive to wear in Helsinki.

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Thank you, you magnificent munapää!

Thank you all for funding this crappy book of made-up stuff!

Next week, we will go into production on all the rewards, and the illustrators will begin creating the artwork for the book.  It's a little daunting to produce 2,000 books and thousands of trinkets, but I'm comforted by the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing, and will screw this up royally.

I will also be sending out a survey in the next week or so, making sure I know exactly what you've ordered and where you want it to be sent.  If you have paid above your reward level for extra things, I will make sure they are reserved for you before I make the extra inventory available for purchase on Regretsy.

Speaking of which, I'm making the extra inventory available for purchase on Regretsy.

It came to my attention pretty early on in this process that Kickstarter is a paskaa syövä koiranraiskaaja, and does not accept Paypal.  That made it impossible for many people to participate.  So I'm slapping up all the leftover rewards on the site, and they can be purchased via Paypal there.  If you want even more USB sticks or pill organizers for the holidays (and who doesn't need more pill organizing around the holidays) your shopping dilemma is solved.

Thank you again for everything.  I hope you enjoy the book, the artwork, the extras, and the photos and videos I'll be uploading once we get to the land of the perennially drunk and frostbitten.

You are the wind beneath my persläpi!


I really thought I'd come up with the last Kickstarter reward the other day when I announced the Finnish Merit Badges, but it turns out I was wrong. Really, really wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the absolute final Kickstarter Reward, now available to help close out our final 48 hours of funding.


Good lord, can you believe this? I surprise myself sometimes with my inability to behave like a normal person.

This is a 3-dimensional cut out Hellephant, and guess what?  I FOUND HIS MISSING EAR AND THERE'S A GIG IN IT

If you don't know the Hellephant, he's one of the earliest and most loved Regretsy posts:

Yes, the hellephant is an icon of garbage; the patron saint of crap fished out of the trash and sold on Etsy. And you can have him for peanuts.


A printed copy of the book

A worthless bonus item

A handwritten thank you card

A Regretsy Hellephant flash drive with 1 gig of memory...  

Because a Hellephant never forgets.